作文求修改

tenchuUID: 2375517

Topic: If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where
would you go? Why? Use spacific reasons and details to support your choice.

Movies invovles spanning arcoss the time and place is not rare in this modern
world. A glance at these fantanstic films would provokes our imagination and
deisre to go back to some time and place in the past. If I could travel back to
whatever time and wherever place, I would like to come back to Vienna when Sigmund
Freud was doing his studying for the depth psychology for the following reasons.

First of all, the academic spirit of Sigmund Freud really attracts me a lot.
Sigmund Freud, who was a Jew, was one of the depth psychologic launchers. The
braveness and brightness of him to bring forward this kind of theory in that
particular time was admired by many people who have read his books. I was curious
about how he could put all his energy on his study and how he could endure so much
pressure from people around, especially one of his best teacher who was a
professor of high prestige. Maybe the answers to these questions are able to help
me study better and give me a lot of drive to study some knowledge that are not so
useful in others' eyes.

In the second place,  a lot of vital inspiration may be obtained from Sigmund
Freud since he was one of the most famous psychologcists. Sometimes, we would have
some difficulty in our study and research. Sometimes, we may have some troubles
with our friends and parents. If I could get some help from him, I might find the
right problems and solve them successfully. It is widely accepted that another
people who is intelligent can illumine some new ideas which are very imporatnt for
us. Hence, a tour back to that time and place would benefit me a lot.

Finally, Vienna, as an ancient hometown for music and a beautiful metropolis,
triggers me much imagination and curiosity. Does this musical environment has an
impact on a person's physical and mental development? Does this atmosphere has any
influence on Sigmund Freud? Is it this situation that creats this immortal giant?
These quesion have been in my mind for a long time. If I could come back to that
time, maybe I could find the answers I want.

In a word, traveling back to Vienna when was at that special period can provide me
a good chance to know something about Sigmund Freud and can offer me an
opportunity to acquire some information about my study. I am fully convinced that
this would be an exciting trip.

js_brandoUID: 2445759

不会改
不过楼主写的比我好太多了
进来拜下
psychologcist拼错了

tenchuUID: 2375517

谢谢夸奖！这个题目刚看到的时候感觉特别木，不知道写什么。花了很长时间才写完的。

hyacinthUID: 2184492

Movies involves [→involve] spanning arcoss [→across. TYPO 1] the time and place is not rare in this modern world. A glance at these fantanstic [fantastic. TYPO 2] films would provokes [provoke] our imagination and desire [→desire. TYPO 3] to go back to some time and place in the past. If I could travel back to whatever time and wherever place, I would like to come back to Vienna when Sigmund Freud was doing his studying for the depth psychology[跑到wiki查了下depth psychology是什么东东,长知识了,哈哈~~;d:  不过我觉得这里前面可以不用加the了. ] for the following reasons.

First of all, the academic spirit of Sigmund Freud really [really尽量少用.] attracts me a lot. Sigmund Freud, who was a Jew, was one of the depth psychologic [→psychological. TYPO 4] launchers. The braveness and brightness of him to bring forward this kind of theory [个人觉得在这里to do结构改成定语从句可能读起来顺一点] in that particular time was [were] admired by many people who have read his books. I was curious about how he could put all his energy on [into] his study and how he could endure so much pressure from people around, especially one of his best teacher [→teachers] who was a professor of high prestige.[我想Freud和他的老师间可能会有个long, long story吧.如果能再多给点细节就好了.] Maybe the answers to these questions are able to help me study better and give me a lot of drive [用motive会简洁点] to study some knowledge[some本身就挺笼统的.这里也可以更具体些.] that are not so useful in others' eyes.

In the second place, a lot of vital inspiration may be obtained from Sigmund Freud since he was one of the most famous psychologcists [→psychologists. TYPO 5]. Sometimes, we would have some difficulty in our study and research. Sometimes, we may have some troubles[同样还是some的问题. Be specific]  with our friends and parents. If I could get some help from him, I might find the right problems and solve them successfully. It is widely accepted that another people who is intelligent can illumine some new ideas which are very [和really一样,very也很口语化,尽量能不用就不用.] important [→important. TYPO 6] for us. Hence, a tour back to that time and place would benefit me a lot.

Finally, Vienna, as an ancient hometown for music and a beautiful metropolis, triggers me much imagination and curiosity. Does this musical environment has [have] an impact on a person's physical and mental development? Does this atmosphere has [have] any influence on Sigmund Freud? Is it this situation that creats [→crests. TYPO 7.] this immortal giant? These quesion [→questions. TYPO 8] have been in my mind for a long time. If I could come back to that time, maybe I could find the answers I want.

In a word, traveling back to Vienna when was at that special period can provide me a good chance to know something about Sigmund Freud and can offer me an opportunity to acquire some information about my study. I am fully convinced that this would be an exciting trip.

TYPO太多啦.(连文章题目里也有:o .)偶尔还有些单复数错误.把你这篇文章COPY到word里的时候,红红绿绿了一大片. 以后写完文章最好能留2-3分钟的时间检查拼写和语法错误.

我个人挺喜欢你这篇文章的.文字很流畅,内容很紧凑.尤其是有些动词用的很好,很地道.不仅反应了你扎实的写作功底,也反应了你丰富的词汇量. 美中不足的是,有些地方其实还可以再给些细节. ;)

要是我打分,会给你good啦~~ 望继续保持.;d:

tenchuUID: 2375517

谢谢你这么详细的修改。以前不知道自己的作文里居然会有这么多TYPO！以后得注意了。有个问题请教一下，如果把那些地方都细节话文章岂不是很长吗？自己感觉举例子的时候不会控制，有时候会把例子写的很长很长，让人觉得不精，很??隆８迷趺创?碚饷次侍獍。