刚写的作文请大家狂批啊

lastpearlUID: 2119955

作文基础不好，请大家指点，谢谢

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is betterto be a member of a group than to be the leader of a group? Use specificreasons and examples to support your answer.
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Nowadays, some people hold the opinion thatit is better to be a member of a group than to be the leader. But others have anegative attitude. As far as I am concerned, to be a leader is a better choice.My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

One of the primary causes is that one canwell exert his/her potential if he/she is a leader. During the time of studyand working, almost all people have the experience to strive for a position of aleader, or in a community, or in a corporation. It is apparent that only beinga leader can a person achieve his/her goal to a large extent. It is the leader thathas power to decide the direction of an important project. The brain of anenthusiastic young person is full of innovative and amazing thought. If he/sheis merely a common member, no one will trust him/her. In contrast, a leader isreliable in the eyes of common people. Accordingly, a leader is easier to be successfulthan to a member.

Another reason why I disagree with theabove statement is that leaders can improve their social skills and workingabilities. A leader can understand the vital role of cooperation in a group. Agood leader is almost always good at collaboration with his member, customer,even his leader. Seldom can a leader finish his/her work successfully  without cooperating well with other people.Moreover, a leader is the core of a group, and he/she guide the members to acorrect direction. When facing a troublesome problem, he/she must have theability to see the whole situation and do a reasonable decision. In theprogress of solving these problems, the leader can develop his expertise. Thus,being a leader, one can learn useful knowledge and experience.

Admittedly, a member also has its ownmerits. A member does not have much pressure and can enjoy everyday life. Also,a member will not face a dilemma to choose a right decision from many complexadvices. It seems that to be a member is a good selection. Nevertheless, theadvantages to be a leader carry more weight than those of to be a leader, sothe most striking conclusion is obvious.


In a word, given the reasons discussedabove, we may safely draw the conclusion that to be a leader is more appealing thanto be a member. A young person who has beautiful dream should try his/her bestto be a leader. Only being a leader can he/she have more chance to receiverecognition and a broader way to realize his/her dream.

hyacinthUID: 2184492

Nowadays, some people hold the opinion that it is better to be a member of a group than to be the leader. But others have a negative attitude. As far as I am concerned, to be a leader is a better choice. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

One of the primary causes is that one can well exert his/her potential if he/she is a leader. During the time of study and working, almost all people have the experience to strive for a position of a leader, or in a community, or in a corporation. It is apparent that only being a leader can a person achieve his/her goal to a large extent. It is the leader that has power to decide the direction of an important project. The brain of an enthusiastic young person is full of innovative and amazing thought. If he/she is merely a common member, no one will trust him/her. In contrast, a leader is reliable in the eyes of common people. Accordingly, a leader is easier to be successful than to [to删去] a member. 这段我觉得内容不是很紧凑.

Another reason why I disagree with the above statement is that leaders can improve their social skills and working abilities. A leader can understand the vital role of cooperation in a group. A good leader is almost always good at collaboration with his member, customer, even his leader [也可以用superior]. Seldom can a leader finish his/her work successfully without cooperating well with other people. Moreover, a leader is the core of a group, and he/she guide [→guides] the members to a correct direction. When facing a troublesome problem, he/she must have the ability to see the whole situation and do a reasonable decision. [大道理可是谁都会讲,没有具体的例子是不能说服人的.] In the progress of solving these problems, the leader can develop his expertise. Thus, being a leader, one can learn useful knowledge and experience.

Admittedly, a member also has its own merits. A member does not have much pressure and can enjoy everyday life. Also, a member will not face a dilemma to choose a right decision from many complex advices. It seems that to be a member is a good selection. Nevertheless, the advantages to be a leader carry more weight than those of to be a leader, so the most striking conclusion is obvious.

In a word, given the reasons discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that to be a leader is more appealing than to be a member. A young person who has beautiful dream should try his/her best to be a leader. Only being a leader can he/she have more chance to receive recognition and a broader way to realize his/her dream.

语言和表达上没什么问题.不过,其实写的时候也不一定要用a leader, a member. 它只是为了表达一类人.his/her这样写应该挺累的.
模板痕迹过于明显.用模板一个最大的坏处就是把人的思维给套住了,为了能把模板用到文章里,就必须要按照模板的结构来写作,这样的文章无疑是很生硬的.再加上你的文章又缺少例证,你的一系列说理于是显得有些空洞.
接下来的练习可以想想文章内容如何develop,以及在过渡和结构里多加入一些属于自己的东西.

基础没有很差~对自己要自信~~;d: