作文求拍，马上考试了才开始练作文：（

ydstjUID：2442095

英文一直很烂，大二结束那个开心啊这辈都不用再碰英文了。。结果被逼到GT的路上，心里一直抗拒写作，其实是畏惧，结果拖到这会了：（
免费供应砖头。。

Do you agree this statement: People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing.

As modern societies continue to develop, people realized how important freedom means to them; they want to enjoy their life following their wills. This raise the vital and controversial question of should people sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. Some people may consider refusing to do something they do not enjoying doing as the proudest thing in their life. However, they underestimate the complexity of life which full of responsibility, chance and pressure.

Among the essential elements of our life is the responsibility which means you have to perform some special assignments no matter whether you like them or not. Furthermore, most of them are compelled by laws. Image one day when you receive a notice for jury duty, you may think it is tedious. Obviously, although it is not as hilarious as a TV show which you would like to participate in, you still have to achieve this assignment since it is what you have to do as a part of social life.

Additionally, sometimes you should make yourself to try something new, something you never did before or something you tried before but did not enjoy it at that moment. Things change all the time, and so do we. When I was a little girl, my father attempted to teach me skiing, however, I gave up quickly after falling down several times. A few years later, when I hung out with some friends, I decided to try that out again even I still remembered the pain. Now it is one of my hobbies; I could not imagine what I would miss if I did not give myself another chance to do it.

At last, the pressure and the competition in this world also force you to do something you do not enjoy. You may do not like your supervisor’s personality, but consider that the job is crucial and beneficial to your career and life, and, meanwhile, you do not have another better chance, at that situation, you do have to accept his behavior and try to get along with him to gradually improve your relationship.

Admittedly , we should follow our hearts and be ourselves, but due to the responsibility, the chance to enlarge our horizon and enrich our life, and the pressure from life, we sometimes do need to do things that we do not enjoy doing.

hyacinthUID：2184492

As modern societies continue to develop, people realized [realize] how important freedom means to them; they want to enjoy their life following their wills. [觉得用freedom破题似乎绕得有点远了] This raise [→raises] the vital and controversial question of [→that] should people sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. Some people may consider refusing to do something they do not enjoying [→enjoy] doing as the proudest thing in their life. However, they underestimate the complexity of life which [^ is] full of responsibility, chance and pressure.

Among the essential elements of our life is the responsibility which means you have to perform some special assignments no matter whether you like them or not. [这一句读着有点疙瘩] Furthermore, most of them [这个them指代什么?] are compelled by laws. Image one day when you receive a notice for jury duty, you may think it is tedious. Obviously, although it is not as hilarious as a TV show which you would like to participate in, you still have to achieve this assignment since it is what you have to do as a part of social life.

Additionally, sometimes you should make yourself to [to删去] try something new, something [^ that] you never did before or something [^ that] you tried before but did not enjoy it at that moment. Things change all the time, and so do we. When I was a little girl, my father attempted to teach me skiing, [however和but, and不同, 它不是连词,所以前一句结尾不能用逗号,你可以用分号] however, I gave up quickly after falling down several times. A few years later, when I hung out with some friends, I decided to try that out again even I still remembered the pain. Now it is one of my hobbies; I could not imagine what I would miss if I did not give myself another chance to do it.

At last, the pressure and the competition in this world also force you to do something you do not enjoy. You may do not like your supervisor’s personality, but consider that the job is crucial and beneficial to your career and life, and, meanwhile, you do not have another better chance, at that situation, you do have to accept his behavior and try to get along with him to gradually improve your relationship. [这个句子好长啊,语序也比较混乱,最好重写下]

Admittedly , we should follow our hearts and be ourselves, but due to the responsibility, the chance to enlarge our horizon and enrich our life, and the pressure from life, we sometimes do need to do things that we do not enjoy doing.

其实不是英文差的问题,而且你的英文水平也没有你自己所想的那么不堪.你的文章太散漫,逻辑性不强.比如你最后一段所说的the chance to enlarge our horizon and enrich our life,我就看不到它与we need to do things that we do not enjoy doing的联系.我一直觉得写作其实和做证明题差不多,议论文更是如此.阐述自己的point其实和证明命题里的结论是一样的,每一步的因为所以都有它的存在意义,不能写些无关的定理公式.当然T的作文不需要很严格的逻辑,偶尔为了凑字数也可以加上那么一两句.

另外觉得你在表明自己观点的时候,喜欢堆砌词语.PARA4里的the job is crucial and beneficial. career and life.真的很空,不能说服人.其实不一定非要用and连接很多华丽的形容词.就像你PARA3里给一个例子,反而论证效果会更好.

还有TONE比较混乱.PARA234用的是第二人称you,结尾段用的是we. 文章的tone要一致.

不过你的词汇基础很不错.但是也要学会利用你的优势,比如多做些同义替换.题目里给的是enjoy doing,不代表你就一定要用下来.像fond of, pleased to do也都是可以考虑的嘛.;)

多练习几篇,对自己的写作要有信心,呵呵~~ 我以前也特讨厌写作文的.:o

推荐两篇文章给你看看.有一篇是昨天晚上无意中在版上的精华区里发现的. 可见精华区里到处都是宝.要好好利用.;d:
关于老T阅读和写作 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-755679-1-1.html
关于破题等 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-818808-1-2.html

ydstjUID：2442095

谢谢：）
the chance to enlarge our horizon and enrich our life其实是想对应第三段的

[ 本帖最后由 ydstj 于 2008-5-5 06:05 编辑 ]