独立写作～『求拍』千万别怜惜我啊

duheng0570UID：2426985

2.Choose one of the following transportation vehicles and explain why think it has changed people’s lives
--Automobiles
--Bicycles
--Airplanes


Although one in disputable fact is that all of automobiles bicycles and airplanes have play an vital role in people’s daily life, I think the airplanes have the most important influence for the following three main ideas

The first reason is due to the airplanes make the dream that human beings could fly in the sky came true. In the history of human, there are so many people devoted themselves into the aim that invented a implement to achieve the dream of flying, even devoted their lives. For instance, there was a scientist called Wanhu who lived in the period of Song dynasty in China. He tried all the methods that he could imaged to help him fly, like attached himself with the kite. However, all these ideas are failed and unfortunately he lost his live in an accident of experiment. Thus, I believe that it is really a landmark in human history that people could fly.

The second reason why I think airplanes changed people’s life most is due to it provide an efficient and way to travel. When airplane had not been invented, it would took several weeks, even several months, for people to travel from north of China to the south. But nowadays, people could fly to another city which is thousands miles away just by taking some hours. Flying could curtail the time people spend on the route, especially the journey between two continents. So people would have more choices to select while they have a short-term vacation without thinking too much about the distance of the journey.

Moreover airplanes also own some advantages in commercial fields. It is a save and efficient way to transport important commercial mails or commodities by airlift. Also some kinds of fruits which are easy to decay but produce in a far place could be supplied to people.

In conclusion, distance is not still a big problem for people’s life because of airplane. The dream of flying become true and flying also provide a efficient way both on the traveling and commerce.

duheng0570UID：2426985

各位XDJM,走过了，指点下啊

duheng0570UID：2426985

顶起来～

echomissyou1984UID：2217836

楼主如果时间充裕，肯下功夫的话，提高空间是很大的。
就这一篇来说，基本上表达清晰，结构连贯。当然，这和题目比较简单也有关系。
其实第四段完全也可以发展起来。
多看看范文，XDF的就算了，去G版看下ISSUE的范文会很有帮助的
加油啦

hyacinthUID：2184492

Although one in disputable fact is that all of automobiles bicycles and airplanes have play an [a] vital role in people’s daily life, I think the airplanes [the airplane or airplanes] have the most important influence for the following three main ideas

The first reason is due to the airplanes make the dream that human beings could fly in the sky came true [如果是我的话可能会这样写first of all, the advent of airplanes make the dream that human beings wish to fly in the sky came into fruition]. In the history of human, there are so many people devoted themselves into the aim that invented a[n] implement to achieve the dream of flying [读起来感觉不是很顺], even devoted [可删去] their lives. For instance, there was a scientist called Wanhu who lived in the period of Song dynasty in China. He tried all the methods that he could imaged [imagine] to help him fly, like attached himself with[to] the kite. However, all these ideas are failed and unfortunately he lost his live in an accident of experiment. Thus, I believe that it is really[能不用really还是不要用,比较口语化, 可以考虑singularly,particularly] a landmark in human history that people could fly.

The second reason why I think airplanes changed people’s life most is due to[that] it[they,前面用的是airplanes] provide an efficient and [and what?:o ] way to travel. When airplane had not been invented, it would took several weeks, even several months, for people to travel from north of China to the south. But nowadays, people could fly to another city which is thousands miles away just by taking some hours [我会这样写,just in several/ a couple of hours]. Flying could curtail the time people spend[spending] on the route, especially the journey between two continents. So people would have more choices[这个出现在这里觉得很突兀啊] to select while they have a short-term vacation without thinking too much about the distance of the journey.

Moreover airplanes also own some advantages in commercial fields [in terms of economical factors]. It is a save [i guess it's safe.;d: ] and efficient way to transport important commercial mails or commodities by airlift. Also some kinds of fruits[这里可以稍微罗列那么一两种水果] which are easy to decay but produce in a far place could be supplied to people [我感觉水果生长好像用produce比较少,grow会常见些吧]另外, 我觉得相比前两个理由,这个运输水果的还满新颖的,其实你可以展开来说,就避免了你后半句比较awkward的表达.比如这样写,什么水果生长在A地,需要运输到某个很远的B地,可以强调下距离之远和水果需要趁新鲜吃 blah blah blah...这样还增加了detail,也更能说服人.

In conclusion, distance is not still [no longer] a big problem for people’s life because of airplane. The dream of flying become true and flying also provide a[n] efficient way both on[on both] the traveling and [^the] commerce.

ls的点评我基本同意. 看看范文. 精华里有几篇不错的版友文章.

至于这一篇,它已经能反应一些你的英语基本功,如果距离考试时间比较长,可以多花些功夫在语言的凝练上以及举例上．还有也可以从阅读里借鉴一些好的句子,修改修改变成自己的专属模板等.

其它的修改意见在文章里也都提到了.en...
lz是我短期内修改的最后一篇文章, en...发现你是个潜力股~~;d:

还有我不特别推荐练习185,可以考虑从JJ里找些题目练习

PS,虽然你的处女作已经没了...er...-__-b...还是向你推荐下面这篇文章 ,  https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=819735&highlight=

en...看好你~~加油~~;d: :cool:

duheng0570UID：2426985

谢谢指点啊，感觉很受用，很有启发
多谢各位鼓励，我回加油的