火箭组第一次作业lynna

serene777UID: 2478926

The editorial concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months because a survey suggests that the games Whirlwind introduced are preferable to the potential consumers. However, careful scrutiny of the evidence reveals that they provide little credible support for the editorial's conclusion.
  First, the editorial's conclusion depend on the assumption that the poll results are statistically reliable. Yet, it provides no evidence to substantiate that the number of interviewees is sufficient enough to draw such a conclusion. Also, it didn't prove that the interviewees constitute a representative enough sample. Different age groups have different preferences. Maybe the students have a higher concern about the intensity and fluency of the game while only those who have already got salaries courts high-ending video game with lifelike graphics.
   Even if the statistics and the sample poll is representative of the whole group of players, it's unproved if the survey is conducted without inducements. As it stands the editorial leaves open that the questions of the survey is flawed in design. There is the likelihood that the survey’s questions imply the superiority of lifelike graphics and blind the interviewers of other alternatives.
   Even if the survey is representative and convincing, we cannot hastily conclude that Whirlwind will increase its sales dramatically in the foreseeable future. Many factors can contribute to the sale of one product. For video games, it’s not only the lifelike graphics but also the intensity and excitement of the game that counts. If the games developed by Whirlwind is boring, people won’t buy it regardless of how lifelike the graphics are. What’s more, as the editorial points out, games that provide lifelike graphics require the most up-to-date computers, while the age-group most likely to play video games are youngsters a considerable number of which can’t afford the expensive computers. Although they may prefer lifelike-graphics games, they may find them beyond reach.
  In sum, the argument is indefensible as it stands. To strengthen it the author must prove that the survey is representative in interviewees and conducted fairly. It also needs to exclude the possibility that other disadvantageous factors won’t affect the sale of the sale.

cloudwind-greUID: 2462220

The editorial concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months because a survey suggests that the games Whirlwind introduced (introduceing会不会好点？) are preferable to the potential consumers. However, careful scrutiny of the evidence reveals that they provide little credible support for the editorial's conclusion.
  First, the editorial's conclusion depend（depends） on the assumption that the poll results are statistically reliable. Yet, it provides no evidence to substantiate that the number of interviewees is sufficient enough to draw such a conclusion. Also, it didn't prove that the interviewees constitute a representative enough sample. Different age groups have different preferences. Maybe the students have a higher concern about the intensity and fluency of the game (games) while only those who have already got salaries courts high-ending video game with lifelike graphics.
   Even if the statistics and the sample poll is representative of the whole group of players, it's unproved if the survey is conducted without inducements. As it stands the editorial leaves open that the questions of the survey is flawed in design. There is the likelihood that the survey’s questions imply the superiority of lifelike graphics and blind the interviewers of other alternatives.(好像没有blind …of …的说法？可以考虑用conceal other alternatives from the interviewers)
   Even if the survey is representative and convincing, we cannot hastily conclude that Whirlwind will increase its sales dramatically in the foreseeable future. Many factors can contribute to the sale (sales) of one product. For video games, it’s not only the lifelike graphics but also the intensity and excitement of the game that counts. If the games developed by Whirlwind is (are) boring, people won’t buy it (them) regardless of how lifelike the graphics are. What’s more, as the editorial points out, games that provide lifelike graphics require the most up-to-date computers, while the age-group most likely to play video games are youngsters a considerable number of which can’t afford the expensive computers. Although they may prefer lifelike-graphics games, they may find them beyond reach.
  In sum, the argument is indefensible as it stands. To strengthen it the author must prove that the survey is representative in interviewees and conducted fairly. It also needs to exclude the possibility that other disadvantageous factors won’t affect the sale of the sale.(games)
词汇丰富，分析深刻，是一篇很不错的Argument了，不过还有少量语法错误，注意一下就perfect 了

babyface1124UID: 2494668

The editorial concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months because a survey suggests that the games Whirlwind introduced are preferable to the potential consumers. However, careful scrutiny of the evidence reveals that they provide little credible support for the editorial's conclusion.
  First, the editorial's conclusion depend on the assumption that the poll results are statistically reliable. Yet, it provides no evidence to substantiate that the number of interviewees is sufficient enough to draw such a conclusion. Also, it didn't prove(时态和之前不一致) that the interviewees constitute a representative enough (可去掉)sample. Different age groups have different preferences. Maybe the students have a higher concern about the intensity and fluency of the game while only those who have already got salaries courts high-ending video game with lifelike graphics.
   Even if the statistics and the sample poll is (are)representative of the whole group of players（可去）, it's unproved if the survey is conducted without inducements. As it stands the editorial leaves open that the questions of the survey is flawed in design. There is the likelihood that the survey’s questions imply the superiority of lifelike graphics and blind the interviewers of other alternatives.
   Even if the survey is representative and convincing, we cannot hastily conclude that Whirlwind will increase its sales dramatically in the foreseeable future. Many factors can contribute to the sale of one product. For video games, it’s not only the lifelike graphics but also the intensity and excitement of the game that counts. If the games developed by Whirlwind is（are） boring, people won’t buy it regardless of how lifelike the graphics are. What’s more, as the editorial points out, games that provide lifelike graphics require the most up-to-date computers, while the age-group most likely to play video games are youngsters a considerable number of which can’t afford the expensive computers. Although they may prefer lifelike-graphics games, they may find them beyond reach.
  In sum, the argument is indefensible as it stands. To strengthen it the author must prove that the survey is representative in interviewees and conducted fairly. It also needs to exclude the possibility that other disadvantageous factors won’t affect the sale of the games.

段落逻辑清晰,分析到位,有小问题已经修改,继续加油!~

scjywujingUID: 2420980

新手上路，请多多指教！