[8/9/10小组第一次作业] I130 A51

atreusUID: 2471951

Issue 130: How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

The destiny of society is heavily decided on the generation who are living in and contributing to. The children today we foster doom to be the back stone of tomorrow’s society, so important that how we raise children. Despite there are some problem with the adolescent and children, actually, we already learned the method which renders to bring about a better society in the future.  

Admittedly, there are some problems with the children today. More and more families own only a child who is mollycoddled by parents and grandparents. Child baste on their parents’ fortune would be not likely to thrive himself, the more indolent and spendthrift, the more indifferent and less helpful to the society they are. Moreover the parents who ignore the children moral standards would cause them pervert more likely, such as teen pregnancy, drug taker and juvenile crime. The recent gunshots on campus such as last year's shooting at Virginia Tech or the attack at the University of Texas at Austin are highly relevant with the revengeful and stressful children, which shock the society to realize the importance of children moral education.

However, as parents, we all know that the important and dutiful obligation of raising children to nice persons who are the useful to the society. We teach them ethical and moral virtues such as honesty, integrity, trustworthiness, reliability, and other “Ten Commandments” rules of personal conduct all the time. Besides, they receive the education from the schools and colleges, where not only acquire information and skills but also raise their moral and spiritual standards. Moreover, the society also should take the responsibility to raise children, censoring the violate and sex TV program and film, showing children in public media more exemplified models who contribute much to the society instead of the popular singer or actor idols. There need the appropriate action for the school, the parents, and our society to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

In sum, we not only make clear sense that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society in the long run, but also take the measure and method to foster them appropriate and provide them hale and hearty both in physical and spiritual standards. That needs the efforts of parents, school and the whole society.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Argument 51: The following appeared in a medical newsletter.
Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proven by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle stain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment.

The argument makes the conclusion that secondary infection keep some patients from recovery soon after severe muscle strain, and then take antibiotics could improve. To corroborate it the argument cites a study of two groups of patients with different recuperation time under the two doctors’ treatment respectively. The argument is problematic in several respects.

The threshold problem with the argument is that the study does not provide any information about the patients under the treatment experiment, such as their age, gender and the basic health situation. Yet the much more important information about in which parts of body the patients have suffered the muscle strain is insufficiently provided, that would matter the recuperation time much. For example, a muscle strain in the wrist of hand or foot due to excessive exercise should take two weeks to recover, while the healing muscle strain of backache would take much more time. Without ruling other factors which matter to the recuperation, the arguer makes the study less reliable.

Secondly, even if assuming that the patients suffer the same muscle strain in the two groups, the experimental process is questionable. The patients took the antibiotics directed by Dr. Newland who is sports medicine expertise, while the patients took the sugar pill as antibiotics directed by Dr Alton who is a general physician. In their treatment, the two doctors may have different strategy to heal the patients. It is possible that Dr. Newland is good at using medicine with other auxiliary massage, which render the recuperation time of his patients is quicker. In order to test the effect of antibiotic specifically, it should put the two groups under the same doctor’s treatment with antibiotics and placebos respectively.

Thirdly, the argument make the assumption that the patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain should take antibiotics because the secondary infections after serve muscle strain. It is impossible conclude with any confidence without evidences to prove the secondary infection must happens after the serve muscle strain. Maybe the secondary infections occur differently from person to person according to their healthy situations.

In sum, the argument is wholly unpersuasive. To bolster it the author must provide more information about the two group patients and doctors’ treatment, and the evidence that the secondary infection highly occurs after severe muscle strain. Moreover, the arguer should make the experimental process more convincible by comparing the group taking antibiotics and the control group taking placebos under the same doctor’s treatment.

[ 本帖最后由 atreus 于 2008-7-20 14:00 编辑 ]

warboyUID: 2444492

The destiny of society is heavily decided on the generation who are living in and contributing to（从句中的live in 和contributing to宾语呢？）.The children today we foster doom to be the back stone of tomorrow’s society（什么意思？不太明白）, （没有主语？）so important that how we raise children（什么意思：太重要了以至于我们怎样养育孩子）. Despite there are some problem with the adolescent and children, actually, we already learned the method which renders to bring about a better society in the future.  感觉你第一段没有表达对作者观点的态度，只是说我们有了养育孩子的方法！)

Admittedly, there are some problems with the children today. More and more families own only a child who is mollycoddled by parents and grandparents（in china，只有在中国吧！美国一家可是一堆孩子的）. Child baste on their parents’ fortune would be not likely to thrive himself, the more indolent and spendthrift, the more indifferent and less helpful to the society they are. Moreover the parents who ignore the children moral standards would cause（这句话的主语怎么是人啊？应该是父母忽略孩子道德标准这件事吧？） them pervert（这是动词啊！） more likely, such as teen pregnancy, drug taker and juvenile crime. The recent gunshots on campus such as last year's shooting at Virginia Tech or the attack at the University of Texas at Austin are highly relevant with the revengeful and stressful children, which shock the society to realize（谁认识到，缺主语！） the importance of children moral education. However, as parents, we all know that the important and dutiful obligation of raising children to nice persons who are the useful to the society. We teach them ethical and moral virtues such as honesty, integrity, trustworthiness, reliability, and other “Ten Commandments” rules of personal conduct all the time. Besides, they receive the education from the schools and colleges, where not only acquire information and skills but also raise their moral and spiritual standards. Moreover, the society also should take the responsibility to raise children, censoring the violate and sex TV program and film, showing children in public media more exemplified models who contribute much to the society instead of the popular singer or actor idols. There need the appropriate action for the school, the parents, and our society to raise children who can help bring about a better society.（不明白你是在反对作者的观点吗？）

In sum, we not only make clear sense that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society in the long run, but also take the measure and method to foster them appropriate and provide them hale and hearty both in physical and spiritual standards. That needs the efforts of parents, school and the whole society.
作文没有对社会化作出评论，只是一味在写一些由于教育缺失而引其的现象，还有我们应给做什么，这和题目好像不搭界吧！感觉你写的有些跑题。最好借鉴一下别人的提纲，即使想创新，也应该紧扣题目吧！

[ 本帖最后由 warboy 于 2008-7-20 20:33 编辑 ]

warboyUID: 2444492

The argument makes the conclusion that secondary infection keep some patients from recovery soon after severe muscle strain, and then take（动词做主语？）antibiotics could improve. To corroborate it the argument cites a study of two groups of patients with different recuperation time under the two doctors’ treatment respectively. The argument is problematic in several respects.The threshold problem with the argument is that the study does not provide any information about the patients under the treatment experiment, such as their age, gender and the basic health situation. Yet the much more important information about in which parts of body the patients have suffered the muscle strain is insufficiently provided, that would matter the recuperation time much. For example, a muscle strain in the wrist of hand or foot due to excessive exercise should take two weeks to recover, while the healing muscle strain of backache would take much more time. Without ruling other factors which matter to the recuperation, the arguer makes（cite，arguer没做研究） the study less reliable.（反驳比较有说服力，展开还可以）
Secondly, even if assuming that the patients suffer the same muscle strain（这能一样吗？你可以说under the same condition） in the two groups, the experimental process is questionable. The patients took the antibiotics directed by Dr. Newland who is sports medicine expertise, while the patients took the sugar pill as antibiotics directed by Dr Alton who is a general physician. In their treatment, the two doctors may have different strategy（这个词用的不错，向你学习！） to heal the patients. It is possible that Dr. Newland is good at using medicine with other auxiliary massage, which render the recuperation time of his patients is quicker. In order to test the effect of antibiotic specifically, it should put the two groups under the same doctor’s treatment with antibiotics and placebos respectively. （嗯，强调由于两个医生的专业方向不同可能使用不同的治疗手段！）Thirdly, the argument make the assumption that the patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain should take antibiotics because the secondary infections after serve muscle strain. It is impossible conclude with any confidence without evidences to prove the secondary infection must happens after the serve muscle strain. Maybe the secondary infections occur differently from person to person according to their healthy situations. In sum, the argument is wholly unpersuasive. To bolster it the author must provide more information about the two group patients and doctors’ treatment, and the evidence that the secondary infection highly occurs after severe muscle strain. Moreover, the arguer should make the experimental process more convincible by comparing the group taking antibiotics and the control group taking placebos under the same doctor’s treatment.

整体上不错，就是感觉你的第三的反驳有点问题，但又说不出来，可能是我水平不高的缘故^_~,也不一定对。还有就是你的用词比较准确（至少比我强），希望继续保持！

tsayUID: 2492916

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状态 离线  #1发表于 2008-7-20 12:33  资料 短消息   
[8/9/10小组第一次作业] I130 A51


Issue 130: How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

The destiny of society is heavily decided on the generation who are living in and contributing to. (语法不对)The children today we foster doom to be the back stone of tomorrow’s society, so important that how we raise children（语法）. Despite there are some problem with the adolescent and children, actually, we already learned the method which renders to bring about a better society in the future.  

Admittedly, there are some problems with the children today. More and more families own only a child who is mollycoddled by parents and grandparents. Child baste on their parents’ fortune would be not likely to thrive himself, the more indolent and spendthrift, the more indifferent and less helpful to the society they are. Moreover the parents who ignore the children moral standards would cause them pervert more likely, such as teen pregnancy, drug taker and juvenile crime. The recent gunshots on campus such as last year's shooting at Virginia Tech or the attack at the University of Texas at Austin are highly relevant with the revengeful and stressful children, which shock the society to realize the importance of children moral education. （最好列各提纲 看不懂这段在论证什么 是针对社会化的问题吗）

However, as parents,（表达不对） we all know that the important and dutiful obligation of raising children to nice persons who are the useful to the society. We teach them ethical and moral virtues such as honesty, integrity, trustworthiness, reliability, and other “Ten Commandments” （酒最好能解释下）rules of personal conduct all the time. Besides, they receive the education from the schools and colleges, where not only acquire information and skills but also raise their moral and spiritual standards. Moreover, the society also should take the responsibility to raise children, censoring the violate and sex TV program and film, showing children in public media more exemplified models who contribute much to the society instead of the popular singer or actor idols. There need the appropriate action for the school, the parents, and our society to raise children who can help bring about a better society.（论证不够）

In sum, we not only make clear sense that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society in the long run, but also take the measure and method to foster them appropriate and provide them hale and hearty both in physical and spiritual standards. That needs the efforts of parents, school and the whole society.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Argument 51: The following appeared in a medical newsletter.
Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proven by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle stain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment.

The argument makes the conclusion that secondary infection keep some patients from recovery soon after severe muscle strain, and then take antibiotics 语法问题could improve. To corroborate it the argument cites a study of two groups of patients with different recuperation time under the two doctors’ treatment respectively. The argument is problematic in several respects.

The threshold problem with the argument is that the study does not provide any information about the patients under the treatment experiment, such as their age, gender and the basic health situation. Yet the much more important information about in语法不对 which parts of body the patients have suffered the muscle strain is insufficiently provided, that would matter the recuperation time much. For example, a muscle strain in the wrist of hand or foot due to excessive exercise should take two weeks to recover, while the healing muscle strain of backache would take much more time. Without ruling other factors which matter to the recuperation, the arguer makes the study less reliable.

Secondly, even if assuming 语法不对that the patients suffer the same muscle strain in the two groups, the experimental process is questionable. The patients took the antibiotics directed by Dr. Newland who is sports语法 medicine expertise, while the patients took the sugar pill as antibiotics directed by Dr Alton who is a general physician. In their treatment, the two doctors may have different strategy to heal the patients. It is possible that Dr. Newland is good at using medicine with other auxiliary massage, which render the recuperation time of his patients is quicker. In order to test the effect of antibiotic specifically, it should put the two groups under the same doctor’s treatment with antibiotics and placebos respectively. 这个驳斥的东西清作者思考下

Thirdly, the argument make the assumption that the patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain should take antibiotics because the secondary infections after serve muscle strain. It is impossible conclude with any confidence without evidences to prove the secondary infection must happens after the serve muscle strain. Maybe the secondary infections occur differently from person to person according to their healthy situations.

In sum, the argument is wholly unpersuasive. To bolster it the author must provide more information about the two group patients and doctors’ treatment, and the evidence that the secondary infection highly occurs after severe muscle strain. Moreover, the arguer should make the experimental process more convincible by comparing the group taking antibiotics and the control group taking placebos under the same doctor’s treatment.

issue：论证不够有说服力 前面一部分小孩的社会化决定命运基本没提 有点不妥 还有语法是个大问题
2 argu 第二个驳论的 还要再思考下 也是语法问题很大 希望改进