Argument239 【第一次加入Challege Yourself小组，请狠拍】 小组第三次作业

抹茶抹茶UID：2522146

239.The following appeared as an editorial in the local newspaper of Dalton.

"When the neighboring town of Williamsville adopted a curfew four months ago that made it illegal for persons under the age of 18 to loiter or idle in public places after 10 p.m., youth crime in Williamsville dropped by 27 percent during curfew hours. In Williamsville's town square, the area where its citizens were once most outraged at the high crime rate, not a single crime has been reported since the curfew was introduced. Therefore, to help reduce its own rising crime rate, the town of Dalton should adopt the same kind of curfew. A curfew that keeps young people at home late at night will surely control juvenile delinquency and protect minors from becoming victims of crime."

1. 青少年犯罪和整体的犯罪率
2.  10点之后
3．W TOWN SQUARE未上报
4. D确定有很高的犯罪率吗？如果D本身就是低犯罪率的地方或多为老年人居住的小城镇，那么限制年轻人10点以后的宵禁令就没有任何执行的价值了。

Before adopting the same kind of curfew in Dalton, we should examine the evidences which are given by the author from some other factors. The author holds the idea that the curfew will reduce its rising crime rate of the Dalton town without examining from several other angles which may affect the effectiveness of this suggestion and the result of the same method.

First of all, as mentioned in the editorial, the town of Williamsville treated persons under 18-year-old who loiter or idle in public places after 22 o’clock as illegal behaviors, with a certain relationship between the curfew and the decreasing crime rate. In the above statement, we don’t get any information about the adult crime and the time period before 10 p.m.. If the youth crimes just take up a very small part of all the crimes which have taken place in Williamsville, the curfew they adopted will be little effective to reduce the rising crime rate. So does the time limitation. The author did not provide any further evidence to show the youth crime is a big problem in Williamsville and how serious it did. Also, Williamsville made 22 o’clock as a deadline for the persons under 18 years old to stay outside, however, who did not be clearly proved to crime in this time period. Perhaps they did legal things, just for a gathering of friends or went home from libraries and part-time jobs.

Another important factor we must consider is this: Does “not a single crime has been reported since the curfew was introduced” equal “not a single has existed since the curfew was introduced”? Perhaps the officials secreted the information of the crimes which happened in the Williamsville town square and made it a non-open information for their own honors and political future. If it were true, this evidence could not be evident for the author’s argument.

What’s more, the author ignored the information whether the Dalton town has such a serious crime problem. Perhaps Dalton is a wonderful place for the aged who retired to settle there and enjoy a quiet and pleasing life, where there are little quantities of the youth. The same is true of the low crime rate of Dalton. Perhaps Dalton had and has an extremely low crime rate so that it does not need to introduce any curfew to reduce the crime rate. If so, there is of no meaning to adopt such a measure.

Also, people have different comprehensions about the “low” crime rate and the “high” one. Does “low” and “high” have a certain standard to measure? Or we just understand them by ourselves subjectively? This part is too vague to definite.

In the end, the author should provide more convincing evidences to support his or her argument and make further reasoning much more clear. However, he or she failed to do it.

qilluraUID：2186638

Before adopting the same kind of curfew in Dalton, we should examine the evidences which are given by the author from some other factors. The author holds the idea that the curfew will reduce its rising crime rate of the Dalton town without examining from several other angles which may affect the effectiveness of this suggestion and the result of the same method.
(一般开头段要引述作者的claim)

First of all, as mentioned in the editorial, the town of Williamsville treated persons under 18-year-old who loiter or idle in public places after 22 o’clock as illegal behaviors(person->behaviors?), with a certain relationship between the curfew and the decreasing crime rate. In the above statement, we don't get any information about the adult crime and the time period before 10 p.m. If the youth crimes just take up a very small part of all the crimes which have taken place in Williamsville, the curfew they adopted will be little effective to reduce the rising crime rate. So does the time limitation. The author did not provide any further evidence to show the youth crime is a big problem in Williamsville and how serious it did. Also, Williamsville made 22 o’clock as a deadline for the persons under 18 years old to stay outside, however, who did not be clearly proved to crime in this time period. Perhaps they did legal things, just for a gathering of friends or went home from libraries and part-time jobs.
('号都是全角。。。主题句不是很清晰啊，所以论证有点乱)

Another important factor we must consider is this: Does “not a single crime has been reported since the curfew was introduced” equal “not a single has existed since the curfew was introduced”? Perhaps the officials secreted the information of the crimes which happened in the Williamsville town square and made it a non-open information for their own honors and political future. If it were true, this evidence could not be evident(明显的？) for the author’s argument.

What’s more, the author ignored the information whether the Dalton town has such a serious crime problem. Perhaps Dalton is a wonderful place for the aged who retired to settle there and enjoy a quiet and pleasing life, where there are little quantities of the youth.(都说了rising crime rate..) The same is true of the low crime rate of Dalton. Perhaps Dalton had and has an extremely low crime rate so that it does not need to introduce any curfew to reduce the crime rate. If so, there is of no meaning to adopt such a measure.

Also, people have different comprehensions about the “low” crime rate and the “high” one. Does “low” and “high” have a certain standard to measure? Or we just understand them by ourselves subjectively? This part is too vague to definite.
(有新意～但是最好能仔细说清楚。。)

In the end, the author should provide more convincing evidences to support his or her argument and make further reasoning much more clear. However, he or she failed to do it.

qilluraUID：2186638

总体上还可以，但是细节上问题比较多
多看范文应该会好一些

抹茶抹茶UID：2522146

谢谢~~

不过我不太同意“一般开头段要引述作者的claim”。

ETS曾特别指出过——
[Do not spend a lot of time summarizing the argument unless you think it will effectively develop your critique.  Readers know which Argument topic you were assigned.]

另外00fox曾发帖——
“最后我还想说一下对ARGUMENT开头结尾的问题：
今天下午再次把ETS地ARGUMENT范文翻出来看了一下，并着重看了4.5.6分的开头结尾。得出的结论是：
开头对全文的restate不但耽误时间而且对得分是有害无利的！用模版开头不如不要开头！
理由：
在4.5.6分的文章中，很少有开头对全文restate的。也没有像280篇那样每个结尾都去说一大堆改进建议。开头结尾都没有并且得了5分的也有。
真正在开头对全文restate的也有几篇，也有得了6分的。但是即使在那篇6分作文中，ETS对他开头的restate是持了很保守的态度。请看如下：
This outstanding response begins somewhat hesitantly; the opening paragraphs
summarize but do not immediately engage the argument. However, the subsequent
paragraphs target the central flaws in the argument and analyze them in almost
microscopic detail.

对另一篇4分文章开头的restate评价如下：
While the first paragraph of this adequate response merely summarizes the argument,
the remainder of the essay identifies and analyzes several significant flaws in the
argument.

由此可见，ETS对开头的restate是不赞同的。至于结尾，不论那种结尾ETS在评语中都没有明确地指出好坏，说明ETS对结尾是不看重的！”