issue70 【today is the day】第一次作业 by 7# revealing

revealingUID: 2507748

TOPIC: ISSUE70 - "In any profession-business, politics, education, government-those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership."

How to achieve success for enterprise? Which is more significant in profession, promoting the new leadership or keeping the old one? Obviously, people will find it almost impossible to come to an agreement on the highly controversial issue. In the last analysis, I am more inclined to support the title of the statement.

Admittedly, the old leadership has more experiences and skills which make work more effectual and more efficient. Besides, the old leadership knows about each employee better than the new one; thus, they can do proper arrangement according to the different individuality and character of everyone, which encourage employees and increases efficiency very much. As a result, if the old leader is suitable and popular enough, it is no need to change into the new leadership after five years. The experience of Roosevelt is a case in point. Franklin Roosevelt was the 32th president of the United States, who was elected for 4 terms. In the 1930s, the New Deal introduced by him dragged Americans out of the bog of economic recession; during the Second World War, he led Americans to conquer the notorious fascism. It is due to his sagacious leadership that Americans granted him the longest tenure of presidency, far more than five years. Moreover, the regulation of five years to each profession is too rigid. Maybe the period is so long for some enterprises as to ossify systems, or it is so short for others as to create instability.

Nonetheless, despite the advantages of old leadership mentioned above, the advantages of new leadership are equally, if not more, apparent. It is unfortunate but true, that there is no flawless individual in this world. Fame and wealth, awe and respect from subordinates can seduce an initially wise and cool-minded leader. Sir Acton once said “absolute power leads to absolute corruption.” When leaders have no fear of losing their power, long-term leadership which means absolute power might cause misuse of authority, degeneration as well as corruption. Besides, as the energy of a person is limited, the physical condition of a leader does not allow too long tenure either.

In addition, what is also worth indicating is that the new leadership has more passion and inspiration which can incite and inspirit employees’ vigor and zeal. According to a recent study conducted by the sociology department of Peking University in China, about 87 percent of achievements are gained in the first one or two years of new leadership and about 73 percent of the employees who were surveyed indicate that they do not like invariable leadership. One reason is that the new leaders often have more originality and greater initiative than the old ones; besides, the competitive mechanisms can encourage employees to try their best to become employers. By maintaining proper competition in work, the enterprise is always able to replenish itself with fresh blood and new leading ideologies. Newly emerged leaders bring new ways of leading and managing, and they are more likely to keep in better touch with the changing times as well.

To sum up, there are several other aspects relevant to the issue under discussion, which, unfortunately, I have no time to explore in detail here. It is very likely that people will never be able to come to the same conclusion on the complex issue due to their different experiences, and conflicting values. Nevertheless, public awareness of the major concerns addressed in the above argument will probably contribute to the thorough understandings of the challenging problem.

[ 本帖最后由 revealing 于 2008-8-2 13:21 编辑 ]

tingtingjennyUID: 2431377

TOPIC: ISSUE70 - "In any profession-business, politics, education, government-those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership."

How to achieve success for enterprise? Which is more significant in profession, promoting the new leadership or keeping the old one? Obviously, people will find it almost impossible to come to an agreement on the highly controversial issue. In the last analysis, I am more inclined to support the title of the statement.挺妙的破题，直接取反

Admittedly, the old leadership has more experiences and skills which make work more effectual and more efficient.词汇显功底 Besides, the old leadership knows about each employee better than the new one; thus, they can do proper arrangement according to the different individuality and character of everyone, which encourage employees and increases efficiency very much. As a result, if the old leader is suitable and popular enough, it is no need to change into the new leadership after five years. The experience of Roosevelt is a case in point. Franklin Roosevelt was the 32th president of the United States, who was elected for 4 terms. In the 1930s, the New Deal introduced by him dragged Americans out of the bog of economic recession; during the Second World War, he led Americans to conquer the notorious fascism. It is due to his sagacious leadership that Americans granted him the longest tenure of presidency, far more than five years. Moreover, the regulation of five years to each profession is too rigid. Maybe the period is so long for some enterprises as to ossify systems, or it is so short for others as to create instability.因为了解员工—》有效率-》不要五年换但是例子里说是因为总统的明智判断而导致最长的任期是不是可一改个说法，作个让步，或这一句省略啊？最后一句是妙句啊，不过感觉有点没说清楚，加个例子什么的？

Nonetheless, despite the advantages of old leadership mentioned above, the advantages of new leadership are equally, if not more, apparent. It is unfortunate but true, that there is no flawless individual in this world. Fame and wealth, awe and respect from subordinates can seduce an initially wise and cool-minded leader. Sir Acton once said “absolute power leads to absolute corruption.” When leaders have no fear of losing their power, long-term leadership which means absolute power might cause misuse of authority, degeneration as well as corruption. Besides, as the energy of a person is limited, the physical condition of a leader does not allow too long tenure either.这段首句写老人的优势有，但新人的优势也不可忽视？后文中主要是写长期任职的危险性，最后一句和TS比较搭，是不是可以稍修改下TS？不过，这段的文采不是一般的好啊！赞一下？
In addition, what is also worth indicating is that the new leadership has more passion and inspiration which can incite and inspirit employees’ vigor and zeal. According to a recent study conducted by the sociology department of Peking University in China, about 87 percent of achievements are gained in the first one or two years of new leadership and about 73 percent of the employees who were surveyed indicate that they do not like invariable leadership. One reason is that the new leaders often have more originality and greater initiative than the old ones; besides, the competitive mechanisms can encourage employees to try their best to become employers. By maintaining proper competition in work, the enterprise is always able to replenish itself with fresh blood and new leading ideologies. Newly emerged leaders bring new ways of leading and managing, and they are more likely to keep in better touch with the changing times as well.  besides后面要不要再来个例子支持下? 我写的时候和你意思一样的,不过没有想到合适的例子,本来想写美国大选的,但是感觉不合适去评价它们的政治政策,有没有什么好点子啊?

To sum up, there are several other aspects relevant to the issue under discussion, which, unfortunately, I have no time to explore in detail here. It is very likely that people will never be able to come to the same conclusion on the complex issue due to their different experiences, and conflicting values. Nevertheless, public awareness of the major concerns addressed in the above argument will probably contribute to the thorough understandings of the challenging problem. 这个结尾个人觉得挺悬的,好象缺点实质性的总结, 和开头也没有呼应….可能是我功底比较差哦,说的不对文主见量啊! 总体框架不错,文主文采很好,文章一气呵成,!每一句都精练有效,句子有长有短,句式多样,词汇丰富,真值得好好学习!

revealingUID: 2507748

呵呵，多谢修改！我也觉得我的例子有时和论述不是很搭调
另外，那个结尾……是我背的一个模板，我目前也还没找到适合自己的结尾模板，正在努力中

另外，什么是TS？:confused:

[ 本帖最后由 revealing 于 2008-8-3 22:48 编辑 ]

revealingUID: 2507748

其实我觉得我的作文最大的弊病在于论据太多太杂，论述太少或者与例子不太相关，就是说缺少一个升华，不禁推敲。另外就是我每段都有一个或者多个观点，分别用besides, moreover,furthermore等引出，有的有例子、有的没有（这些只有一句话的观点通常是为了增加字数、展示我看问题的深度和我的知识面等等……汗，就是取悦ETS！）。似乎每段都没有什么主题句（我明白TS了:topic sentence）。可能这篇还不是很明显。

不知道这种风格是不是可行？希望能大家一起讨论一下。