COMEON-----作文小组 namejoe 8.26作业 tclrj修改后发

tclrjtclrjUID: 2517750

#G _:h
|^)R!otDo you agree or disagree: It is important to know events happening around the world, though sometimes they are unlikely to affect your daily life.

As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree that it is important, even necessary to know the events happening around the world, though sometimes they would probably not to affect our lives. And I will show you why it is important, even necessary.

Let's begin with the first aspect--importance. As we all know, our world becomes a "earth village" due to the closer connection among countries by the internet. And from the internet we could almost get to know every thing happened around the world.  Although sometimes these happening seems to not affect our daily lives, but it is important for us to get to know them not only for enriching our knowledge, but to some degree, promoting the development of our human being. This can be best manifested by the 911 accident. Frankly speaking, the 911 accident was not only the disaster for the American people, but the disaster for our whole world. It is truly that this accident would not affect people's daily lives who are not American. But from this accident, all countries in the world began to attack the terrorist and terrorism to protect the peace and their people's security. From this point, we could say that the sharing of events happened around the world would promote the improvement of our human being.

Now let's move on to the second aspect--necessity. Knowing what happened outside our lives would not only broaden our horizon greatly, but also make all countries together. The Beijing Olympic Games is the best example. On the day of Aug. 8th, it was reported that 4 billion people in the world, which was the two thirds of our human beings, watched TV to look at the opening ceremony of Olympic Games at the same time. It's truly possible that this was the first time that so many people were together to do the same thing. Moreover, from this game, we knew a lot of excellent athletes as well as their sports, we felt the spirits of Olympic Games: higher, swifter, and stronger, and we finally understood the meaning of "One world, One dream". So it is necessary for us to concerning the events happening around the world.

In a word, since the relationship between countries becomes closer and the world becomes smaller, it is important and necessary to concern the events happening around the world.



以下是修改

As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree that it is important, even necessary to know the events happening around the world, though sometimes they would probably not to affect our lives. And I will show you why it is important, even necessary（虽然我有点吹毛求疵，但这样重复两次我看着就有点小不爽小不爽的）.

Let's begin with the first aspect--importance. As we all know, our world becomes a "earth village" due to the closer connection among countries by the internet. And from the internet we could almost get to know every thing happened around the world.  Although sometimes these happening seems to not affect our daily lives, but it is important for us to get to know them not only for enriching our knowledge, but to some degree, promoting the development of our human being. This can be best manifested by the 911 accident. Frankly speaking, the 911 accident was not only the disaster for the American people, but the disaster for our whole world. It is truly（true）that this accident would not affect people's daily lives who are not American（这里单复数好混乱）. But from this accident, all countries in the world began to attack the terrorist and terrorism to protect the peace and their people's security. From this point, we could say that the sharing of events happened around the world would promote the improvement of our human being.

Now let's move on to the second aspect--necessity. Knowing what happened outside our lives would not only broaden our horizon greatly, but also make all countries together. The Beijing Olympic Games is the best example. On the day of Aug. 8th, it was reported that 4 billion people in the world, which was the two thirds of our human beings, watched TV to look at the opening ceremony of Olympic Games at the same time. It's truly possible that this was the first time that so many people were together to do the same thing. Moreover, from this game, we knew a lot of excellent athletes as well as their sports, we felt the spirits of Olympic Games: higher, swifter, and stronger, and we finally understood the meaning of "One world, One dream". So it is necessary for us to concerning the events happening around the world.（咱俩这段写的是同样的东西，但我感觉这段没说完，到底看奥运会给人们带来什么好处，没有上一段说的明显，估计是限时了到最后没时间鸟）

In a word, since the relationship between countries becomes closer and the world becomes smaller, it is important and necessary to concern the events happening around the world.


基本没挑出语言错误来，写的很不错很不错，就是第二点没说到位这个必须到底是怎么回事。

[ 本帖最后由 tclrjtclrj 于 2008-8-26 23:47 编辑 ]

qawsedUID: 2359935

As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree that it is important, even necessary to know the events happening around the world, though sometimes they would probably not to affect our lives. And I will show you why it is important, even necessary. 这句是显得有点重复，换个说法吧例如比较简单的There are some reasons to support my perspective.
Let's begin with the first aspect--importance. As we all know, our world becomes a "earth village" due to the closer connection among countries by the internet. And from the internet we could almost get to可不要 know every thing happened around the world.  Although sometimes these happening seems to not affect our daily lives, but it is important for us to get to know them not only for enriching our knowledge, but to some degree, promoting the development of our human being. This can be best manifested by the 911 accident. Frankly speaking, the 911 accident was not only the disaster for the American people, but the disaster for our whole world. It is truly that this accident would not affect people's daily lives who are not American. But from this accident, all countries in the world began to attack 还是keep alert of好点吧 the terrorist and terrorism to protect the peace and their people's security. From this point, we could say that the sharing of events happened around the world would promote the improvement of our human being.

Now let's move on to the second aspect--necessity. Knowing what happened outside our lives would not only broaden our horizon greatly, but also make all countries together. The Beijing Olympic Games is the best example. On the day of Aug. 8th, it was reported that 4 billion people in the world, which was the two thirds of our human beings, watched TV to look at the opening ceremony of Olympic Games at the same time. It's truly possible that this was the first time that so many people were together to do the same thing. Moreover, from this game, we knew a lot of excellent athletes as well as their sports, we felt the spirits of Olympic Games: higher, swifter, and stronger, and we finally understood the meaning of "One world, One dream". So it is necessary for us to concerning the events happening around the world.和楼上一样的观点，这段想说必要性那就论证下了解奥运会到底有哪些必要性，lz只说了很多人都关注，最好再说下在世界都关注的情况下自己也不要被落在后面，否则就和现代脱轨，不利于交流和扩展知识面。
我只是举下例子哈，主要是要把问题说透彻些了~。
In a word, since the relationship between countries becomes closer and the world becomes smaller, it is important and necessary to concern the events happening around the world
总体来说，importance，necessity是以纵向来论证，这就要求分析的深度了，其实这样很难写的，本文写的不错，另外多想想用不同的方面作为每段的分论点会更广一些，我们都有这样的问题，一起加油吧！

[ 本帖最后由 qawsed 于 2008-8-27 12:47 编辑 ]