COMEON作文小组------tclrj 8月27日作业

tclrjtclrjUID: 2517750

今天也没超时，写的字数少了些，不知道这些考试时会不会太少

Movies and televisions have more positive or negative effects on young people’s behaviors.

The bombardment of propaganda around the teenagers may functions as lethal temptation more seriously than what it is for adults. It seems to me that the effect set upon youth by media is definitely negative.

In first place, the youngsters' lack of self-discipline may induce wasting time on watching soap operas and movies intended just for entertaining mid-age housewives. There are a lot of examples around, especially the teenage girls who dream of fantastic love. Then they would end up devoting almost all their free time on watching TV and daydreaming and inevitable cause a decline of the time for doing something more meaningful.

What's more, the moviemakers and programmers tend to pander the taste of majority populace, thus lead to the things present before children filled by violence and sex. The rate of crime committed by adolescent keeps raising all these years, and a predominate reason for their crime is somewhat related to the imitation of what they saw on TV and movies. Though our nation struggled to redress this condition, movies of R-level and even more severe levels keep coming out and are accessible to the youth.

Admittedly, some everlasting movies and TV programs contribute a lot to the elementary education and broaden the keen of teenager, but this only happen conditionally. How can we guarantee the child choosing to watch Discovery channel when he has available alternative to enjoy an exciting violent movie on his own mastery?

In sum, the movies and TV programs played a role as a double-edged sword hence make us believe that without supervise and recommendation of adults, these even with good intention may place detriments on children's growing.

[ 本帖最后由 tclrjtclrj 于 2008-8-28 11:36 编辑 ]

lijing1550UID: 2528011

Movies and televisions have more (这里的more用得不好，more是从对比而来的，此处没有对比）positive or negative effects on young people’s behaviors. |留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE9rzb;SV6R zE
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The bombardment of propaganda around the teenagers may functions（may后用动词原形） as lethal temptation more seriously than what it is for adults. It seems for（用to） me that the effect set upon youth by media is definitely negative.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA-z+k0Gf|-Rz*h
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In first place, the youngsters' lack of self-discipline may induce wasting time on watching soap operas and movies (如果我理解没有错误此处是定语从句少一个which)intended just for entertaining mid-age housewives. There are a lot of (这个词有一点低级，可以用a remarkable variety of替换)examples around, especially the teenage girls who dream of fantastic love. Then they would end up devoting almost all their free time on watching TV and daydreaming and inevitable cause a decline of the time for doing something more meaningful.（每个例子都要有细节，可以在这个后面加such as ...）
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What's more, the moviemakers and programmers tend to pander the taste of majority populace, thus lead to the things present before(此处用on) children filled by(此处用with) violence and sex. The rate of crime committed by adolescent keeps raising all these years, and a predominate（这个词是动词） reason for their crime is somewhat related to the imitation of what they saw on TV and movies. Though our nation struggled to redress this condition, movies of R-level and even more severe levels keep coming out and are assessable to the youth.
/X&AR+D!f留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA 6X&B*_+v8L/w(V%q
Admittedly, some everlasting movies and TV programs contribute a lot to the elementary education and broaden the keen of teenager, but this only happen conditionally（有条件的？？）. How can we guarantee the child choosing to watch Discovery channel when he has available alternative to enjoy an exciting violent movie on his own mastery?
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m.B,m4j%V9o:N/f3g|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREIn sum, the movies and TV programs played a role as a double-end sword hence make us believe that without supervise and recommendation of adults, these even with good intention may place detriments on children's growing.

我写这篇作文的时候一直的疑问就是young people 的年龄短是多少？可以用child 去替换嘛？你写的挺好的，我改的可能不对~能力有限~希望共同进步~

tclrjtclrjUID: 2517750

嘿嘿，谢谢……不过第一句话是题目，不是偶写滴……这篇里有很严重的单词瞎用的问题哈哈~~倒是年轻人和孩子这个概念写的时候我就比较随意的放大缩小了，这样写起来自在点，同义词多一些

namejoeUID: 2373013

Movies and televisions have more positive or negative effects on young people’s behaviors.

The bombardment of propaganda around the teenagers may functions as lethal temptation more seriously than what it is for adults. It seems to me that the effect set upon youth by media is definitely negative-最后总结时说是double-edged sword,这是不是有点不统一?.
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In first place, the youngsters' lack of self-discipline may induce wasting time on watching soap operas and movies intended just for entertaining mid-age housewives. There are a lot of examples around, especially the teenage girls who dream of fantastic love. Then they would end up devoting almost all their free time on watching TV and daydreaming and -有点多,可以换个单词,例如 thus inevitable cause a decline of the time for doing something more meaningful.bbs.gter.net_b"p[6H(I&Dq
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What's more, the moviemakers and programmers tend to pander-GRE单词背的不错嘛 the taste of majority populace, thus lead to the things present before children filled by violence and sex. The rate of crime committed by adolescent keeps raising all these years, and a predominate reason for their crime is somewhat related to the imitation of what they saw on TV and movies. Though our nation struggled to redress this condition, movies of R-level and even more severe levels keep coming out and are accessible to the youth. |留学|签证|TOEFL|GREA\/eB
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Admittedly, some everlasting movies and TV programs contribute a lot to the elementary education and broaden the keen of teenager, but this only happen conditionally. How can we guarantee the child choosing to watch Discovery channel when he has available alternative to enjoy an exciting violent movie on his own mastery?--这段话跟主题是否很吻合?|留-这学|签证|TOEFL|GREO0f)}sVd
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In sum, the movies and TV programs played a role as a double-edged sword hence make us believe that without supervise and recommendation of adults, these even with good intention may place detriments on children's growing.
小结:通过不同的方面论证来弥补深度不足的问题,对于考试是一种不错的方法. 不过要注意首尾一致. 其中遣词造句确实可圈可点.