COMEON作文小组------ktury 9月1日作业

kturyUID: 2274868

COMEON作文小组------ktury 9月1日作业
由于作业的题目已经写过了 所以换了一道题目,也是个人成功类的.欢迎猛批,有拍必回!!可以把要批改的作文连接贴在下面.

Do you agree or disagree， if people want to have a good future they should have a careful plan while they are still young

More and more books about the success around ue currently. Those books introduced the ways to success may say that if one want to be have a good future he/she should have a careful plan while he/she is still young. I disagree with this opinion for the careful plan is not the prerequistment of success.

Firstly, it is envitable for the youth change primire plans. when ones were children, they always liked to say to become teachers, poloices or scientists.Most of them,however, fulfill the dreams due to their unmutual and unexperienced. Although they could desigen considerate plans to achive their children's dreams, they will know most their children's dreams do not fit their any more when they have grew. The less experience, incompelete thoughts and temproral intersets,all these factors cause the plans cannot be emploied.

Secondly, a good future usually means the success. In my point of view, the preseverness is the significent key to successes. It is undenyable that everyone could make a carefule and perfact plan to the success, but it is hardly to achive the plan. On the way to the success, these are so many difficults that obstract the progress. We know that many young people give up their aims on the half way. presisting the glods and keeping on work, then one could get a good future. Take the Ediens as an example, he trid thoundes of times on the different materials. Without the preseverness, Ediens could not be successful.

Thirdly, the success also need the chance or the futuren. These are so many talent and capality people who cannot fulfill their dreams because of less chances and lack of futruen. One could carefully plan each and every thing, but he/she cannot estimate chances.Such as the discovery of X-ray which is a cioncide and accidental discoveray.

Lastly, it is not say that young people do not need plan their future. The young people should enhabce their abilities; and know the plans is useless without the persist.

qawsedUID: 2359935

LZ 9月1日作业在9.1下午两点到9.2下午两点之间交，这样就不会混乱啦~
我这就给你看作文啊:cool:

[ 本帖最后由 qawsed 于 2008-9-1 14:32 编辑 ]

qawsedUID: 2359935

Do you agree or disagree， if people want to have a good future they should have a careful plan while they are still young

More and more books about the success around ue currently. Those books introduced the ways to success may say that if one want to be have a good future he/she should have a careful plan while he/she is still young. （这句话有语病，出现了两个谓语introduce & may say, to have 就可以了不用加be, Those books which introduce the way to succes say that if one intends to have a good future, he/she should have a careful plan when he/she is still young,）I disagree with this opinion for the careful plan is not the prerequistment of success. 

本段首句直接说books，和主题不太相关，其实开头有很多种说法，按照你的意思比如 Currently, the issue about...attracts more and more discussion

Firstly, it is envitable for the youth change primire plans. when ones were children, they always liked to say to become teachers, poloices or scientists.Most of them,however, fulfill the dreams due to their unmutual and unexperienced. Although they could desigen considerate plans to achive their children's dreams, they will know most their children's dreams do not fit their any more when they have grew. The less experience, incompelete thoughts and temproral intersets,all these factors cause the plans cannot be emploied.

Secondly, a good future usually means the success. In my point of view, the preseverness is the significent key to successes. It is undenyable that everyone could make a carefule and perfact plan to the success, but it is hardly to achive the plan. On the way to the success, these are so many difficults that obstract the progress. We know that many young people give up their aims on the half way. presisting the glods and keeping on work, then one could get a good future. Take the Ediens （是想说Edison吗？）as an example, he trid thoundes of times on the different materials. Without the preseverness, Ediens could not be successful.

Thirdly, the success also need the chance or the futuren（fortune）. These are so many talent and capality people who cannot fulfill their dreams because of less chances and lack of futruen. One could carefully plan each and every thing, but he/she cannot estimate chances.Such as the discovery of X-ray which is a cioncide and accidental discoveray.|

Lastly, it is not say that young people do not need plan their future. The young people should enhabce their abilities; and know the plans is useless without the persist.
文章问题比较多些：
1有些拼写错误，建议lz把文章贴到word里修改过后再传上来，这样也可以检验下自己的拼写程度，也方便别人修改
2.lz可以看下OG后面的语法等句子的介绍，我看了后觉得很受用。
3.每段段首的主题句领导全段，需要改进下，另外例子列出来了最好再论证一下，保证严密性。
一点小意见哈，我们一起进步！