comeons小组作文,9月5日,layfolk

layfolkUID: 2418021

题目:I the extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) is less important than it was , 大家庭好还是小家庭?（2007年9月21日，生活习惯类，185经典题）
     At the beginning,I would like to define the region that I am going to talk about is the situation in China,which is now undergoing the social transformation challenging the
extended family power.
      I agree with such idea that the extended family is the same or even more important  as it was.
      Firstly,the extended family is a basic social sustaining network which provides the
individuals emotional assistance especially when one is in the hard time such as the  
bad sick,the lonely time or some other situations.For exampl,when you hesitate whether
you should take part in an challenging activity to develope your own potentials,your
cousins or your uncles give you the encouraging words,and you maybe turn to be
self-confidence,which is very important to the success!
       Secondly,the extended family as the natural organization is the place where you can practice your communication skills--you have to deal with the relationship with everyone
in the extended family.And this experience have very significant value in your afterwards
life when you get along with the other persons such as your friends,classmates, teachers,even your future company managers.
      Thirdly,the extended family is also the very key source of information,when you face
the choice of your future.Through the communication with your extended members,
especially your uncles and your aunts,you learn more about the ability that the society
needs,the knowledge concerning the social life,which is of great importance to your
plan's making.
      To sum,the extended family is as important as it was in the past time for the
following: as the social sustaining network in the trasformation time,it provides the individuals emotion and conviction;as the natural organization it helps the individuals learn the
communication skills;as the information resource,it gives people the knowledge about the society and the choosing wisdom.Although it is full of so many meanings,it is not very easy to get along with every members of the extended family,and somtimes there is also some troubles happened,so it is also necessary to learn how to deal with such situation,for
example,the tolerance spirit is one of the necessary factors that every person should
have.

[ 本帖最后由 layfolk 于 2008-9-6 11:00 编辑 ]

chineseladyUID: 2403976

不知道LZ用的什么格式,在文章结尾我写不了字,我也奇怪呢,就只好在文章开头了,别介意啊!说来也巧呢昨天你批我的,今天我改你的,改的不好别介意!也欢迎你还来看看我的作业.你昨天改的好认真,谢谢你!
第一个想说的是在英文中,逗号或其他符号后面都要有一个空格,要不显得紧凑,帖在WORD里都有红线线呢.然后有个加粗的是拼写错误.如果段落中的举例在丰满些就更好了,结尾的最后一句好象都是逗号,而且是用简单句and连, 如果想都写一句的话,可以采取定从,主从连接一下

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vH0D4M^N$Jself-confidence,which is very important to the success!
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FDd3`plan's making.To sum, the extended family is as important as it was in the past time for theQdx MAD following: as the social sustaining network in the transformation time, it provides the individuals 用individual就好个人的情感与信念emotion and conviction; as the natural organization it已经有主语了IT就可以省了 helps the individuals learn thecommunication skills;as the information resource,it这个也是有主语了 gives people the knowledge about the society and the choosing (to chose the)不定式做目的状语 wisdom. 我觉得智慧应该是获得更通顺吧而不是选择Although it is full of so many meanings,it is not very easy to get along with every members of the extended family,and somtimes there is 复数also some troubles happened,so it is also necessary to learn how to deal with such situation,for 寄托家园&Z(Ad*XW;x

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qawsedUID: 2359935

题目:I the extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) is less important than it was , 大家庭好还是小家庭?（2007年9月21日，生活习惯类，185经典题）bbs.

     At the beginning,I would like to define the region that I am going to talk about is the situation +of family structure in China,which is now undergoing the social transformation challenging the extended family member.
      I agree with such idea that the extended family is the same or even more important  as it was.题目是less important吧 lz是不是应该说disagree?

      Firstly,the extended family is a basic social sustaining network 主题句到这里就可以，后面展开说也行的。which provides the individuals emotional assistance. especially when one is in the hard time such as the  bad sick,the lonely time or some other situations. For exampl,when you hesitate whether you should take part in an challenging activity to develope your own potentials,your cousins or your uncles give you the encouraging words,and you maybe turn to be self-confidence,which is very important to the success      这段主题句是不是想说关系网呢？如果是的话可以举个例子说家人如何帮助你解决一件你半不了的事情，体现有亲戚分布在各个领域的好处，不仅仅是得到自信而已。
Secondly,the extended family as the natural organization is the place where you can practice your communication skills--you have to deal with the relationship with everyone in the extended family.仔细说下是如何帮助提高交流能力的，比如他们会把经验毫无保留的传授给你，后面这句属于结论了，感觉论证还少那么一点点~And this experience have very significant value in your afterwards life when you get along with the other persons such as your friends,classmates, teachers,even your future company managers.
Thirdly,the extended family is also the very key source of information,when you face the choice of your future.Through the communication with your extended members,|留
especially your uncles and your aunts,you learn more about the ability that the society needs,the knowledge concerning the social life,which is of great importance to your

To sum,the extended family is as important as it was in the past time for the following: as the social sustaining network in the trasformation time,it provides the individuals emotion and conviction;as the natural organization it helps the individuals learn the communication skills;as the information resource,it gives people the knowledge about the society and the choosing wisdom.Although it is full of so many meanings,it is not very easy to get along with every members of the extended family,and somtimes there is also some troubles happened,so it is also necessary to learn how to deal with such situation,for example,the tolerance spirit is one of the necessary factors that every person should have.
感觉结尾段的内容可以分发到中间段里一些。

这篇文章思路很开阔，几个点说的很清楚，缺乏的是一些支持论证的例子，以使各个分论点清晰起来，不会很想象，总之写的很棒啊 加油！