COMEON作文小组9.8号作业－ourtrans 求拍！使劲拍！

ourtransUID: 2241441

这一篇写得我太痛苦了。请求大家使劲拍！！！

9月8日
agree or dis: observing or studying animals can help us to understand human nature
Does study of animals help us to learn human nature?(2007.10.27)
Human beings and animals live in the same environment and also behave similarly in some aspects. When faced with some problems in same situations, human beings and animals tend to have same form of reaction. These similarities help us to understand human nature by observing or studying animals, biologically and psychologically.
In the first place, when faced same situation, human beings and animals might have same biologic reactions. By studying the chemicals produced by animals during a particular feeling process, we can learn what material exactly influence human nature. In many anatomic experiments, for example, researchers use mouse as an alternative to analyze emotional reactions of human beings, and abstract chemicals in mouse's brain to compare and contrast, especially when it is hard to use human as experimental objects on some occasions. Through these experiments, scientists will learn which chemical materials affect human nature or not.
In the second place, psychologically, observing animals' behavior can also promote our understanding of human nature. Human beings and animals have many feelings in common, such as scare, greed, happiness, and so forth. When confronted similar situation, they also might have similar mental reactions. For instance, we view that nothing is like home. As animals view their dens or nests, we human beings view our homes as our territories. By observing different animal species, we can find what actions we might take when a stranger come in our territories, hide or fight.
Furthermore, according to the Evolution Theory, human beings originated from ancient animals. Therefore, observing or studying animals also can help us to understand the origination of human nature. How it generated. How it developed.
In sum, observing or studying animals can help us to understand various aspects of human nature, including biologic aspects, psychological aspects and history of human nature.

ourtransUID: 2241441

前面写的时候感觉很痛苦。隔了几个小时后再回过来看，觉得这几个论点还是可以好好展开的。只是当时想论点就已经痛苦了，结果展开的时候也没心思好好写了。等总结的时候，我得把这篇再写一遍。

candyamUID: 2325105

B9b4g/e)u
Human beings and animals live in the same environment and also behave similarly in some aspects, including eating, mating and some other actings.  Therefore facing  problems in same situations, human beings and animals tend to have similar reactions, and these similarities help us to understand human nature //by observing or studying animals, biologically and psychologically.//   (//.....//蓝色的双杠之间的话我没想好怎么改，但是觉得有点别扭。)
In the first place, when facing same situations, human beings and animals might have same biologic reactions. By studying the chemicals produced by animals during experiments, we may know better what chemical materials influence human nature. For example, researchers use mouse as substitute to analyze emotional reactions of human beings, they abstract chemicals secreted in mouse's brain to study and analyse because it is impossible to use human as objects in experiments like this.  Through these experiments, scientists will learn which chemical materials affect human nature or not.(例子说得不够详细，上下文，句子和句子之间的逻辑感觉。。。。比较混乱，我刚开始看的时候有点被confuse了。)

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In the second place, observing and researching animals' behavior can also promote our understanding of human nature, psychologically. Human  beings and animals have many feelings in common, such as afraid, greed(??动物贪婪么？angry是不是比较好？）happy,and so forth. When confronting similar  situation, they might have similar mental reactions. For instance, we view that nothing is like home(这句话啥意思？？？)animals view their dens or nests, we human beings view our homes as our territories. By observing different animal species, we can find what actions we might take when a stranger come in our territories, hide or fight. （这段写的。。。。个人觉得没有上一段好，虽然上一段逻辑有点混乱，但是至少还可以读懂，这段么。。。。后来几句读不太明白了，而且例子举的不恰当，如果分析动物心理和人的心里有相似的地方，可以举例如：它们死了幼兽也会很久不丢弃啦，或者如果猎人伤害了幼兽他们会报复等等，来说明它们在某种程度上也有母爱。）

Furthermore, according to the Evolution Theory, human beings originated from ancient animals. Therefore, observing or studying animals also can help us to understand the origination of human nature. How it generated. How it developed.


sum, observing or studying animals can help us to understand various aspects of human nature, including biologic aspects, psychological aspects and history of human nature.

（最后两段大概看了一眼，没有仔细来挑毛病）

我改的时间晚了不好意思，向楼主道歉，但是我觉得楼主需要好好反思一下自己的作文了。写多少是次要的，重要的是质量，英文写作最重视的第一是逻辑，所以逻辑一定要清晰。

比如你的第二段： In many anatomic experiments, for example, researchers use mouse as an alternative to analyze emotional reactions of human beings, and abstract chemicals in mouse's brain to compare and contrast,（和谁去compare and contrast？？ human么？？当然不是，因为没有办法用人来试验才用老鼠的，所以没有比较物，只能用它们分泌的东西来做个参考，做个推测而已。especially when it is hard (不是hard啦, impossible啦，谁让你从脑袋里提取东西呢？根本不可能么）to use human as experimental objects on some occasions.（on some occasion 用的也不对，在你这个提取脑分泌物的例子里，就是不可以用人，其他情况另外说，你在这里突然又用了一个on some occassion很让人糊涂呢，不知道你说的是哪个情况。）

第三段更严重了，除了逻辑还有例子也用的不是很恰当，而且有些句子本人是读不懂的。例如：we view that nothing is like home  


说话可能严重了点，但是希望楼主有进步才是真的，我水平也不高，求于大家共勉。再次为晚了批改了道歉。



[ 本帖最后由 candyam 于 2008-9-12 18:09 编辑 ]

ourtransUID: 2241441

感谢修改!!!
we view that nothing is like home或者说no place is like home, 是在美国电台里听到的，说的是家对我们来说是独一无二的意思，家对我们的含义就如巢穴对动物一样（As animals view their dens or nests, we human beings view our homes as our territories.）。这个例子主要是说通过动物在自己领地上的行为可以类推人类在自己领地上的行为。
对于feeling的举例，应该用scare,hapiness这样的名词，所以不能用afraid和happy这样的形容词。
alternative是很常用的，和substitute是一样的意思，candyam可能是受中文词典的影响，以为alternative是形容词吧？
有很多脑部实验是用人做的，尤其是一些research做到后期时，更需要从人脑中来提取样本。

不知道加了这些说明以后，candyam觉得逻辑上是否还通顺？请再指点。
这一篇确实写得我自己也不是很满意，非常感谢candyam的辛勤修改。

candyamUID: 2325105

楼主说的这些我确实不知道，改的不对的还请多多见谅，其实我用词和造句都比较僵硬，不是很确定的都不敢用，所以就不敢用alternative而用substitute了。

至于scare 和happiness我真的不知道了，在我的印象里scare是很吓人和恐怖的事情，或者在口语中说：you scared me!用到这里。。。我真的不知道，或者fear可以不可以？不知道为什么我不想用scare,哈哈。

另外happniess在我的印象里就是幸福的意思，楼主是想说动武也有幸福感么？如果是这样的话应该是对的了。我印象最深的关于happiness就是The Pursuit of Happyness 中小威的那句：There is no "you" in happiness, there is an "I" ,哈哈，才疏学浅啊~~~

另外关于逻辑，我是不知道到后来还真的用人了，其实用不用都无所谓，如果用了，只要写文章的时候交待明白了就可以了，比如在你用compare and contrast之前和可以先交代一下关于人的实验么，这样你比较和对比也有参照物了。反正不要让别人误解你的文章，因为不是人人都知道可以用人脑做实验的，所以你应该交代清楚，正好你那段写的也不是很丰满，关于实验可以再详细一点么。


与大家共勉！！

[ 本帖最后由 candyam 于 2008-9-13 08:42 编辑 ]

ourtransUID: 2241441

嗯,感觉fear比scare好。