COMEON作文小组-------9.17作业 ansoncode

ansoncodeUID: 2528782

9.17（458字） 求狠拍！

Among job hunters, there is an increasingly notable controversy concerning whether it is better to work for a large company than for a small one. Preferring working for small companies are those people who emphasize on more opportunities of promotion to a higher position. As far as I am concerned, pursuit of vocational development in a large corporation is the superior option, when considering its alluring benefits and welfare as well as harmonious enterprise culture.

To begin with, it is undeniable that people are capable to benefit from working for a small company on an obvious aspect that they have more opportunities to be promoted to a higher position. As we know, compared with a large corporation, a small company has more flexible promotion mechanism and less intensive competition. In other words, given the same working experience and other conditions, staffs of the similar capability are more likely to make striking contribution and therefore get promotion in a small company.

Nevertheless, when people enjoy the flexible policy and plentiful promotion chances provided by working in a small company, isn't it necessary for them to give some consideration to the positive aspects of working in a big company? After all, large enterprises, who share tremendous profits, are more likely to afford attractive payment for human resource and support well-established welfare system. According to recent nation-wide investigation of the National Statistic Bureau, the average wage of large companies is 20% more than that of small companies. Moreover, large companies are often able to and willing to pay for medical care insurance, pension as well as training courses. As a result, staffs in large companies are more likely to enjoy well-paid jobs.

Furthermore, people's attention should be paid on another remarkable virtue gained from working in large enterprise that people can enjoy their career life in harmonious enterprise culture. Take my friend Jack’s experience for example. Recently he took an internship in Microsoft - a huge software empire among Global 500. While working there he really wonder at free and fair environment and appreciated communication, coordination and compromise among superiors and subordinates. When he finished the internship, his group held a farewell party and gave him some souvenir as gifts. Every time referring to this experience, Jack said he would never forget the great time working there.

To sum up, considerable though benefits that working for a small company provides are, they cannot compete with the pronounced merits that working for a large corporation brings about, when its attractive income and wonderful enterprise culture are taken into account, From my point of view, these are two most crucial criteria for those who want to find jobs to consider, and pursuing career in a large enterprise enable a prospect of decent, wealthy and splendid life.

qawsedUID: 2359935

9.17（458字） 求狠拍！
Among job hunters, there is an increasingly notable controversy concerning whether it is better to work for a large company than for a small one. Preferring working for small companies are those people who emphasize on more opportunities of promotion to a higher position. 这句话有点chiglish的味道，另外和上下句不太衔接，可以改为，Sometimes, in order to grasp more chance of promotion to a higher position, people prefer working for small companies. However, the condition changes from case to case. As far as I am concerned, pursuit of vocational development in a large corporation is the superior option, when considering its alluring benefits and welfare as well as harmonious enterprise culture

To begin with,最好改成 Undeniablly然后后面直接people are capable to benefit from 。。。 it is undeniable that people are capable to benefit from working for a small company on an obvious aspect that they have more opportunities to be promoted to a higher position. As we know, compared with a large corporation, a small company has more flexible promotion mechanism and less intensive competition. In other words, given the same working experience and other conditions, staffs of the similar capability are more likely to make striking contribution and therefore get promotion in a small company.因为你本段是自己对立面的好处，最好让步下

Nevertheless, when people enjoy the flexible policy and plentiful promotion chances provided by working in a small company, isn't it necessary for them to give some consideration to the positive aspects of working in a big company? After all, large enterprises, who share tremendous profits, are more likely to afford attractive payment for human resource and support well-established welfare system. According to recent nation-wide investigation of the National Statistic Bureau, the average wage of large companies is 20% more than that of small companies. Moreover, large companies are often able to and willing to pay for medical care insurance, pension as well as training courses. As a result, staffs in large companies are more likely to enjoy well-paid jobs.

Furthermore, people's attention should be paid on another remarkable virtue gained from working in large enterprise that people can enjoy their career life in harmonious enterprise culture. Take my friend Jack’s experience for example. Recently he took an internship in Microsoft - a huge software empire among Global top 500. While working there he really wonder这个词不对吧，想要？应该是享受吧 at free and fair environment and appreciated communication, coordination and compromise among superiors and subordinates. When he finished the internship, his group held a farewell party and gave him some souvenir as gifts. Every time referring , Jack sto this experienceaid nevhe would er forget the great time working there.是要讲企业文化，这个思路很好！

To sum up, considerable though benefits that working for a small company provides are,这个considerable不对吧？你看看这样改行吗？--considering benefits of working for a small company, we can conclude that they cannot compete with the pronounced merits that working for a large corporation brings about, when its attractive income and wonderful enterprise culture are taken into account, From my point of view, these are two most crucial criteria for those who want to find jobs to consider, and pursuing career in a large enterprise enable a prospect of decent, wealthy and splendid life.

文章思路很好，只是我个人觉得中间段的首句作为主题句的话最好不要太长，一个简单句就好，lz写的复杂句可以紧跟在主题句后面，这样显得段落更加干净利落。仅是建议啦，不错，加油！

candyamUID: 2325105

Among job hunters(-->seekers，hunters感觉不是找工作的，而是挖墙脚的), there is an increasingly notable controversy concerning whether it is better to work for a large company than for a small one. Preferring working for small companies are those people who emphasize on more opportunities of promotion to a higher position.(这句话说了找小公司工作的人是为了什么目的，那么小面的话就应该说找大公司的人是为了什么目的，而作者不是这样做的，下面就转到自己的观点上了。这样的结构感觉没有逻辑，甚至有点混乱，我个人认为这句话要么不写，要么换掉)  As far as I am concerned, the pursuit of vocational development in a large corporation is the superior option, when considering its alluring benefits and welfare as well as harmonious enterprise culture.

To begin with, it is undeniable that people are capable to(-->can 就可以了把，be capable to有点。。。反正我觉得不太好) benefit from working for a small company on an obvious aspect （-->for an obvious reason）that they have more opportunities to be promoted to a higher position. As we know, comparing with a large corporation, a small company has more flexible promotion mechanism and less intensive competition. In other words, given the same working experience and other conditions, staffs of the similar capability are more likely to make striking contribution and therefore get promotion in a small company(-->with the same working experience and abilities, people who work for a small company may get a relatively higher position.)

Nevertheless, when people enjoy the flexible policy and plentiful promotion chances provided by working in a small company, isn't it necessary for them to give some consideration to the positive aspects of working in a big company?(-->While some people enjoy the flexible policy and plentiful promotion chances provided by a small company, others prefer to work for a large company for their consideration of the positive aspects offered by it.)  After all, large enterprises, who share(这个词用的好像有问题，但是我建议把整个插入语都删掉)tremendous profits, are more likely to afford attractive payment for human resource（--->staff）and support well-established welfare system. //According to recent nation-wide investigation of the National Statistic Bureau, the average wage of large companies is 20% more than that of small companies. Moreover, large companies are often able to and willing to pay for medical care insurance, pension as well as training courses.// （//...//中间的这几句话我个人认为非常不错*^_^*）As a result, staffs（staff是不是最好不用s,可以用employees替换以显示用词的变换姓） in large companies are more likely to enjoy well-paid jobs.

Furthermore, people's attention should be paid on another remarkable virtue gained from working in large enterprise that people can enjoy their career life in harmonious enterprise culture. Take my friend Jack’s experience for example. Recently he took an internship in Microsoft - a huge software empire among Global 500. //While working there he really wonder（这个词用的很奇怪，我不知道作者到底要表达什么意思，所以不知道用什么词替换） at free and fair environment and appreciated communication, coordination and compromise(在microsoft会有compromise么？不太理解) among superiors and subordinates.// When he finished the internship, his group held a farewell party and gave him some souvenir as gifts. Every time referring to this experience, Jack said he would never forget the great time working there.

To sum up, //considerable though benefits(不明白什么意思) that working for a small company provides are, they cannot compete with the pronounced merits that working for a large corporation brings about, when its attractive income and wonderful enterprise culture are taken into account.// (//....//中的这句话，句式不错) From my point of view, these are two most crucial criteria（-->considerations）for those who want to find jobs to consider(-->删掉) , and pursuing career in a large enterprise enable a prospect of decent, wealthy and splendid life.

作者有些句式和例子很好，但很多地方我又感觉对句式和词汇的驾驭能力有限，不知道为什么会这样，为晚了修改了道歉。

[ 本帖最后由 candyam 于 2008-9-20 10:22 编辑 ]

ansoncodeUID: 2528782

对立面那段确实有很大问题 没有体现出让步和转折 反倒是一边倒向对立面了
wonder主要是表现一种惊奇 惊讶于的感觉 不知道用的对不对 当时没想太多 可能由于一次多义造成误解
谢谢组长亲临指导 太感动了！

[ 本帖最后由 ansoncode 于 2008-9-21 13:30 编辑 ]

ansoncodeUID: 2528782

改得非常认真 太感谢了