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[活动] COMEON小组--------yuanhu124 9.17 作业 [复制链接]

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发表于 2008-9-18 13:26:24 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
今天没超时,但是感觉字数有些少,而且句式比较简单了!请多提出建议^_^

Some people argue it is better to work in a small company than in big ones, because there are more autonomy and opportunities. However, as a university student without any work experience, I hope to start my career from a large corporation in the future. I will demonstrate my viewpoints in the following passage.

For one thing, the large company is much more stable than small one; this will make the green hands much easier to earn their life. Though one may gain more opportunities in a small company, it brings more risks as well. Supposing a college graduate who does not have enough economic and social capabilities, how could he/she deal with the potential pressure from the low salary? Therefore, I believe it is advisable for a graduate to find a job in large companies.

Furthermore, one can learn more form the systematical administration of the large corporation than from the small one. One can easily participate in a work group in the larger company, and he/she will be supported by many other skillful workers. This will be crucial for the development of one's career. For instance, one of my friends, Lee, began his work in the Acer, which is a famous manufacturer of computer devices in the world. He learned a lot in this company, and finally, he successfully changed his work to IBM.

What is more, the mature culture of the large company also benefits for the new workers. Researchers have found that the culture of a company is an essential factor for one's vocational development. Compared with small companies, the large ones usually have longer history, and more mature culture, which can be very helpful for those who just graduate from college. So, it is in big company that, one could be surrounded by constructive culture and may achieve success smoothly.

To sum up, I strongly believe it is much more beneficial for a graduate to begin his/her career from a large company.
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沙发
发表于 2008-9-18 15:19:42 |只看该作者
Some people argue that( 貌似不加也可以 但总觉得有点不顺) it is better to work in a small company than in big ones, because there they are more autonomy and have more opportunities. However, being as a university student without any work experience, I hope to start my career from in a large corporation in the future. I will demonstrate my viewpoints in the following passage.(我感觉这句可以省略,但不知道判卷老师会不会喜欢)

For one thing, the large company is much more stable than small one; this will make the green hands much easier to earn their lifelives. Though one may gain more opportunities in a small company, it brings he has to suffer more risks as well.(主语变了) Supposing a college graduate who does not have enough economic and social capabilities, how could he/she deal with the potential pressure from of the low salary? Therefore, I believe it is advisable for a graduate to find a job in large companies. 感觉和下面几段的字数太均衡了, 感觉这段再突出写一点就好了。
bbs.gter.net o T!L/[%z m X x
x8n
Furthermore, one can learn more form from the systematical administration of the large corporation than from the small one. One People/students can(和上面重复) easily participate in a work group in the larger company, and he/she will be supported by many other skillful workers. This will beis a crucial condition for the development of one's career. For instance, one of my friends, Lee, began his work in the Acer, which is a famous manufacturer of computer devices in the world. He learned a lot in this company, and finally, he successfully changed his work to IBM.总结的一句
|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE M&s k w D _ ^6g k N"h [
What is moreIn addition, the mature culture of the large company also benefits for to the new workers. Researchers have found that the culture of a company is an essential factor for one's vocational development. Compared with small companies, the large ones usually have longer history, and more mature culture, which can be very helpful for those who just graduate from college to join in(或者干嘛,要说下毕业生与公司文化的关系吧). So, it is in big company that, one could be surrounded by constructive culture and may achieve success smoothly.|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREw I#G/D \ s O
O B Y W1J H
X _O
To sum up, I strongly believe it is much more beneficial for a graduate to begin his/her career from a large company.

总的觉得语言没有问题,但是每段论述的都感觉不充分,尤其结尾,大概是没时间了吧。 希望还是有段可以重点论述下比较好。

加油! Y
哈哈 考试和毕业答辩同一天 ~ 解脱在一夜之间

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板凳
发表于 2008-9-18 15:22:40 |只看该作者

这个应该看的比较清楚了

Some people argue that( 貌似不加也可以 但总觉得有点不顺) it is better to work in a small company than in big ones, because there they are more autonomy and have more opportunities. However, being as a university student without any work experience, I hope to start my career from in a large corporation in the future. I will demonstrate my viewpoints in the following passage.(我感觉这句可以省略,但不知道判卷老师会不会喜欢)

For one thing, the large company is much more stable than small one; this will make the green hands much easier to earn their lifelives. Though one may gain more opportunities in a small company, it brings he has to suffer more risks as well.(主语变了) Supposing a college graduate who does not have enough economic and social capabilities, how could he/she deal with the potential pressure from of the low salary? Therefore, I believe it is advisable for a graduate to find a job in large companies. 感觉和下面几段的字数太均衡了, 感觉这段再突出写一点就好了。
5j)m
T!L/[%zmX‑x
x8n

Furthermore, one can learn more form from the systematical administration of the large corporation than from the small one. One People/students can
(和上面重复) easily participate in a work group in the larger company, and he/she will be supported by many other skillful workers. This will beis a crucial condition for the development of one's career. For instance, one of my friends, Lee, began his work in the Acer, which is a famous manufacturer of computer devices in the world. He learned a lot in this company, and finally, he successfully changed his work to IBM.总结的一句|签证|TOEFL|GRE M&skwD _^6gk N"h[
What is moreIn addition, the mature culture of the large company also benefits for to the new workers. Researchers have found that the culture of a company is an essential factor for one's vocational development. Compared with small companies, the large ones usually have longer history, and more mature culture, which can be very helpful for those who just graduate from college to join in(
或者干嘛,要说下毕业生与公司文化的关系吧). So, it is in big company that, one could be surrounded by constructive culture and may achieve success smoothly.|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREw I#G/D \s‑OOB[1]YW1JH
X_O

To sum up, I strongly believe it is much more beneficial for a graduate to begin his/her career from a large company.

总的觉得语言没有问题,但是每段论述的都感觉不充分,尤其结尾,大概是没时间了吧。 希望还是有段可以重点论述下比较好。

加油! Y
哈哈 考试和毕业答辩同一天 ~ 解脱在一夜之间

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地板
发表于 2008-9-18 15:57:19 |只看该作者
谢谢你的修改,今天虽然没超时,但是写的过程中,的确比较赶,到最后草草结尾了。
我怎么老把from敲成form呢~~~郁闷

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RE: COMEON小组--------yuanhu124 9.17 作业 [修改]

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