9.18 号作业

sosjuneUID: 2438922

   

   
  Initially, having others make decisions can avoid dispensable trouble and stay energetic. Obviously, the high paced daily life and intelligible associations, to some extent constantly make us corporeally exhausted and spiritually battered. We are no long stay vigorous, in other words, we are in the endless marathon of torment and fatigue. We need others to cope with the complex and troublesome decisions. Take the case of a thing that when you are in bad mood or in a dilemma, it is reasonable to ask someone to make decisions for you, which are usually infallible and reliable, and these can always let us avert troubles and save time.
Subsequently, teamwork plays an excessively essential role in the decision’s making.It can provide us a radical way to improve friendship and social associations, and foster the ability of communication and cooperation. When you turn to others for help, firstly, they will give their advice, no wonder various suggestions will appear, then, you will work in group to check out the best way, finally, you can take the best decisions for granted. As you see, the whole process is full of various skills above. Really considering what has been said above, we must elicit that by making decisions by others, you will be the final and fortune beneficiary.
Additionally, last but not least, some external help may easily set the stage for an efficient decision. This can be demonstrated by the undeniable maxim that “Unity is power!” this can be seen in the factor that when you do something with one person the time will half, but when with two the time will quarter. So when contrast to doing something alone, especially in decision making, it provides a more efficient approach.
Of course, choosing to make decisions for oneself also has advantages to some extent, it is more independent and practical. No doubt that no one is more familiar with oneself.
But if all these factors are contemplated, the advantages of having others make decisions carry more weight than those of making decision by oneself. From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that choosing the approach involving a lot of social skills and eschewing the dispensable matters which refer to the former is the best way.

ansoncodeUID: 2528782

开头段等你写完我再改

Initially（不错）, having others make decisions can avoid dispensable trouble and stay energetic. Obviously, the high paced daily life and intelligible associations, to some extent constantly make us corporeally （physical这种词都嫌太俗了吧）exhausted and spiritually battered. We are no long stay vigorous, in other words, we are in the endless marathon of torment and fatigue. We need others to cope with the complex and troublesome decisions. Take the case of a thing that when you are in bad mood or in a dilemma, it is reasonable to ask someone to make decisions for you, which are usually infallible and reliable, and these can always let us avert troubles and save time.(嗯，省时省力的角度很有说服力，可以看出作者的文字功底很强，用词不俗)

Subsequently（不错）, teamwork plays an excessively （这个词是过度的意思，似乎是个不好的词）essential role in the decision’s making.It can provide us a radical（这个词是有根本的意思，但主要含义还是激进的，是不是会造成误解） way to improve friendship and social associations, and foster the ability of communication and cooperation. When you turn to others for help, firstly, they will give their advice, no wonder various suggestions will appear, then, you will work in group to check out （check out是离开的意思，figure out吧）the best way, finally, you can take the best decisions for granted. As you see（这是口语的用法吧）, the whole process is full of various skills above. Really considering what has been said above（这里也有口语的嫌疑）, we must elicit that by making decisions by others, you will be the final and fortune （fortune->fortunate）beneficiary.（楼主真是语不惊人，死不休啊，但感觉有些词用得欠妥，可能是我太土了，没见过这种用法）

Additionally, last but not least, （引导词有一个就可以了吧）some external help may easily set the stage for an efficient decision. This can be demonstrated by the undeniable maxim that “Unity is power!” this can be seen in the factor that when you do something with one person the time will half, but when with two the time will quarter. So when contrast to doing something alone, especially in decision making, it provides a more efficient approach.（感觉这里的逻辑有点危险了，题目是讨论是自己做决定还是由别人做决定，而不是在决定的同时是否应该听取别人的意见或接受别人的帮助）

Of course, choosing to make decisions for oneself also has advantages to some extent, it is more independent and practical. No doubt that no one is more familiar with oneself.（这里不用分段吧，如果是结尾段，前面还是要引导一下，告诉别人你要结尾了）
But if all these factors are contemplated, the advantages of having others make decisions carry more weight than those of making decision by oneself. From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that choosing the approach involving a lot of social skills and eschewing the dispensable matters which refer to the former is the best way

总的来说，佩服楼主的写作词汇量，楼主的语言无可挑剔，我也是这种文风的爱好者，但感觉有的时候有些类似口语的 As you see, of course夹杂着，很不舒服，如果能正式一些，应该会是perfect的文章
还有逻辑的严谨还是要考虑一下的,紧扣论题
楼主要是有空有兴趣 可以看看我的文章 提点意见 谢谢
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=879020&extra=page%3D1

sosjuneUID: 2438922

谢谢意见~  正在反思中~

sosjuneUID: 2438922

改正: excessively改 exceedingly
          radical 改  basical
          fortune   改  fortunate