COMEON作文小组-------9.29作业 weenbopper

weenbopperUID: 2423595

The impact of new technology has had on our life, of course including the television system, increased beyond our imagination. Already, some people choose to learn from watching television, with the help of an advanced, well rounded and splendid system and some TV techniques, such as animation, slow motion and stop motion freeze. No doubt, the number of these people would become even greater as the relevant technologies become more and more sophisticated and comprehensive. This phenomenon gives rise to a recent hot debate over whether TV programs' main function is education or entertainment. While some individuals only concentrate on its entertaining function, I seriously argue that its educational function, not only to the children but also to the numerous adults, prevails with the following reasons.
First and foremost, educational programs serve as an appropriate instruction and lead, and an indispensable complement to common education. With those supporting factor I stated above, countless kinds of programs emerged during the last 30 years. Just form these colorful programs, our lives were totally changed. For example, Hundreds of Forums, a new yet famous and historical program, made the boring history much more alive, vivid and much easier to memorize, and this example is just the tip of an iceberg. Various kinds of English educational programs invited the most famous, experienced and well trained professors, also with the help of colorful animation, digital graphs and computer programs made the audience can easily understand the programs.
In addition, entertaining function will impetus our education in turn. From dawn to dark, every one have to go through a rigorous schedule, even the students can never exempt from this rush. They have papers to submit, homework to finish, meetings to attend, classes to take and so on. The family-pressure, study-pressure and peers pressure made our burdened little children even breathless. However, the TV programs seem to be a perfect choice for them to obtain even a piece of relaxation and entertainment, which would improve their efficiency in study. My personal example can shed some light on this point. While I was conquering the boring vocabulary of GRE, I was used to spend a morning in TV series which would not only release my pressure, increase my efficiency but also provide me enough time to digest those words and make a weekly report to myself.
However, some stubborn people may still maintain the point that it is the TV that drag their children away from study. Tempting and seemingly reasonable as such claim might be, it is hardly true. We were born every bit the same as the others, why there are numerous others students can keep sober and stay away from this seduction? Instead of TV programs, it is these children's will and the shortage of early guide that make them submerge in this mud.
All in all, TV programs, by improving our efficiency, playing a vital role in instruction, leading and complement, serve us as an indispensable medium to convey information and educate people.

candiceheUID: 2543359

今晚改，今天白天还要上班，555555

candiceheUID: 2543359

COMEON作文小组-------9.29作业 weenbopper
The impact of new technology has had on our life, of course including the television system, increased beyond our imagination. Already, some people choose to learn from watching television, with the help of an advanced, well rounded and splendid system and some TV techniques, such as animation, slow motion and stop motion freeze. No doubt, the number of these people would become even greater as the relevant technologies become more and more sophisticated and comprehensive. This phenomenon gives rise to a recent hot debate over whether TV programs' main function is education or entertainment. While some individuals only concentrate on its entertaining function, I seriously argue that its educational function, not only to the children but also to the numerous adults, prevails with the following reasons.

rFirst and foremost, educational programs serve as an appropriate instruction and lead, and an indispensable complement to common education. With those supporting factor I stated above, countless kinds of programs emerged during the last 30 years. Just form these colorful programs, our lives were totally changed. (正常的语序是our lives were totally changed just form these colorful programs,你的意思是说可以使用change from…我怎么觉得这种搭配有点问题)For example, Hundreds of Forums, a new yet famous and historical program, made the boring history much more alive, vivid and much easier to memorize, and this example is just the tip of an iceberg. Various kinds of English educational programs invited the most famous, experienced and well trained professors, also with the help of colorful animation, digital graphs and computer programs made the audience can easily understand the programs.（这里怎么感觉一句话有很多作谓语的动词，主干是program invite… , made, can easily,好像有语法问题）

In addition, entertaining function will impetus our education in turn. From dawn to dark, every one have to go through a rigorous schedule, even the students can never exempt from this rush. They have papers to submit, homework to finish, meetings to attend, classes to take and so on. The family-pressure, study-pressure and peers pressure made our burdened little children even breathless. However, the TV programs seem to be a perfect choice for them to obtain even a piece of relaxation and entertainment, which would improve their efficiency in study（这句是你想要支持的么？那为什么要用seem呀？我一见到这个词就感觉后面会有however来反对，@_^）. My personal example can shed some light on this point. While I was conquering the boring vocabulary of GRE, I was used to spend a morning in TV series which would not only release my pressure, increase my efficiency but also provide me（主语呢？什么provide me？要是主语从句前面要加that的） enough time to digest those words and make a weekly report to myself.

However, some stubborn people may still maintain the point that it is the TV that drag their children away from study. Tempting and seemingly reasonable as such claim might be, it is hardly true. We were born every bit the same as the others, why there are numerous others students can keep sober and stay away from this seduction? Instead of TV programs, it is these children's will and the shortage of early guide that make them submerge in this mud.(你这段是想让步吧？我觉得题目是说起到教育作用还是消遣的作用，你可以让步说“一些人认为消遣作用是主要的，而你可以如何如何地证明教育作用是主要的。“ 我感觉drag..from study的例子不中主题)

rAll in all, TV programs, by improving our efficiency, playing a vital role in instruction, leading and complement, serve us as an indispensable medium to convey information and educate people.

1．Lz语言很好，看结构和表达方式，像是刚考过G的人。语言上我就不挑了，我用词不好，也不敢给你挑。
2．语法方面感觉lz有点问题。祥见文中说明。另外要强调得是，T作文很重视语法。一个长句misleading 就从5分变4分了。2个以上就3分了。看官方指南上的标准。
3．内容上面，官方指南要求 切中主题，全部例子，说理都要“恰当的“为主题服务。Lz总体感觉还不错，但可以写得更好，文中有些地方也有关于这方面的说明。

昨晚网络断了，今天才改，不好意思。

[ 本帖最后由 candicehe 于 2008-10-1 11:00 编辑 ]

weenbopperUID: 2423595

The impact of new technology has had on our life, of course including the television system, increased beyond our imagination. Already, some people choose to learn from watching television, with the help of an advanced, well rounded and splendid system and some TV techniques, such as animation, slow motion and stop motion freeze. No doubt, the number of these people would become even greater as the relevant technologies become more and more sophisticated and comprehensive. This phenomenon gives rise to a recent hot debate over whether TV programs' main function is education or entertainment. While some individuals only concentrate on its entertaining function, I seriously argue that its educational function, not only to the children but also to the numerous adults, prevails with the following reasons.|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREf-v1Hp
jc+ap5e
First and foremost, educational programs serve as an appropriate instruction and lead, and an indispensable complement to common education. With those supporting factor I stated above, countless kinds of programs emerged during the last 30 years. Simply because of these colorful programs, our lives were totally changed. For example, Hundreds of Forums, a new yet famous and influential historical program, made the boring history alive, vivid and much easier to memorize, and this example is just the tip of an iceberg. Various kinds of English educational programs invited the most famous, experienced and well trained professors, also with the help of colorful animation, digital graphs and computer programs,the once tedious programs became more and more intelligible and interesting.|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREpB9dY!K&s-w1J
In addition, entertaining function will impetus our education in turn. From dawn to dark, every one have to go through a rigorous schedule, even the students can never exempt from this rush. They have papers to submit, homework to finish, meetings to attend, classes to take and so on. The family-pressure, study-pressure and peers pressure made our burdened little children even breathless. However, the TV program is undoubtedly a perfect choice for them to obtain even a piece of relaxation and entertainment, which would improve their efficiency in study. My personal example can shed some light on this point. While I was conquering the boring vocabulary of GRE, instead of pouring all of my attention on memorizing, I was used to spend a morning in TV series which would not only release my pressure, increase my efficiency but also provide me enough time to digest those words and make a weekly report to myself.bbs.gter(这里个人觉得好像没有语法错误 ，其中release，increase，provide的主语都是前面的ＴＶ　series)!t]b E
mz
However, some stubborn people may still maintain the point that it is the TV that drag their children away from study. Tempting and seemingly reasonable as such claim might be, it is hardly true. We were born every bit the same as the others, why there are numerous others students can keep sober and stay away from this seduction? Instead of TV programs, it is these children's will and the shortage of early guide that make them submerge in this mud.（这一段我想用的方法是博论，就是驳斥对方的观点从而来支持自己的观点，这里驳斥对方说电视的娱乐作用影响了他们的孩子的学习，应该也是成立的，不知道有没有人赞同？）
留学,考试,TOE
FL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA#w`vGH#]
All in all, TV programs, by improving our efficiency, playing a vital role in instruction, leading and complement, serve us as an indispensable medium to convey information and educate people.
真的很感谢candicehe，改的很详细，谢谢了啊！