comeon作文小组--9.29--小黑

小黑的世界UID: 2406727

TOPIC：2007年10月5日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to watch serious television plays that are designed to make us think than to watch those designed to amuse and entertain us.

Even though an astronomical number of people assert this standpoint that much more serious programs should play in television claim that only watch severe television plays could we get benefits from . In my opinion , I hold the view that it is much better to watch television plays with entertainment than those with serious content , since it's a better way in many case, like improving our work and study efficiency, promoting the communication between family members, and maintaining the television stations work.
The first reason to back up my point is that by watching amuse television shows ,people could improve their work and study efficiency .For example, the fun television shows will bring about you both physical and mental relaxation, after you do a whole day working, which makes you exhausted . What's more ,the television plays which entertain us to the audience is just like the candy to the children when you are feel down or depress. In a word, it's entertaining television plays that provide you a good mood to work or study more efficient.
Moreover, watching entertaining television is of great significant to promote the communication between family members. In any family, no matter poor or wealth , the joke from entertaining television program is the forever topic when they have dinner around table. As adolescent and elder both fascinate by entertaining television shows, none generation gap will exist. On the other hand, how could you imagine a society with out entertaining television shows in a modern world. Most families would get nothing to do through the cold and long winter night.
An equally essential factor which deserves people's to attention is that the advertisement in the entertaining television shows primarily maintain  the television stations. In order to get more attention, it’s the advertisement in the entreating television plays which attractive thousands upon thousands of people that the factory and company spent a numerous number of money in.

In summary , it’s very likely that people will never come to the same conclusion on this controversial issue due to their background. Also, public consciousness of the various dimensions of this issue will certainly contribute to a through understanding of this problem .  In my opinion there should be no hard-and-fast rules for choose serious television shows or entertainment shows. Despite the serious plays could make us gain more knowledge , I found entertaining shows are more appeal to me.

第一次参与，谢谢楼下！

rolling713UID: 2550988

Even though an astronomical number of people who assert this standpoint that much more serious programs should play in television claim that only watch severe television plays could we get benefits from .(这里显然应该是逗号，明明是Even though的状语从句) In my opinion , I hold the view that it is much better to watch television plays with entertainment than those with serious content , since it's a better way in many case, like improving our work and study efficiency, promoting the communication between family members, and maintaining the television stations work.(整个第一段就一句话，实在是佩服楼主的语法功底，但这样让人看着未免太累，也缺乏节奏感)

The first reason to back up my point is that by watching amuse(amusement) televison  shows people could improve their work and study efficiency .For example, the fun television shows will bring about you（最好不要用第二人称，这样会有chinglish的感觉，而且容易引起人称混乱） both physical and mental relaxation, after you do a whole day working, which makes you exhausted . What's more ,the television plays which entertain us to the audience is just like the candy to the children when you are feel down or depress. In a word, it's entertaining television plays that provide you a good mood to work or study more efficient(efficiently).

Moreover, watching entertaining television is of great significant to promote the communication between family members. In any family, no matter poor or wealth , the joke from entertaining television program is the forever topic when they have dinner around table. As adolescent and elder both fascinate by entertaining television shows, none generation gap will exist(太绝对了点，加一个in such situation比较好). On the other hand, how could you imagine a society with out(without) entertaining television shows in a modern world? Most families would get nothing to do through the cold and long winter night. (这个supporting idea总感觉不是太有力，而且感觉有些牵强)

An equally essential factor which deserves people's (to) attention is that the advertisement(advertisements) in the entertaining television shows primarily maintain the television stations. In order to get more attention, it’s the advertisement in the entreating television plays which attractive thousands upon thousands of people that the factory and company spent a numerous number of money in.(这个理由可能站不住脚， 广告能吸引观众吗？是因为广告吸引观众，所以公司对广告大把扔钱吗？)
（这个论点没有充分展开，楼主是不是时间不够了？:) ）
In summary , it’s very likely that people will never come to the same conclusion on this controversial issue due to their background.(难道是万能模板句？感觉只要是二选一的文章都能用，后面那句话似乎也是如此) Also, public consciousness of the various dimensions of this issue will certainly contribute to a through(thorough) understanding of this problem . In my opinion there should be no hard-and-fast rules for choose serious television shows or entertainment shows. Despite the serious plays could make us gain more knowledge , I found entertaining shows (are) more appeal to me.

总体上来说，楼主的语言还是不错的，不过模板的痕迹比较大，有些话虽然很漂亮，但感觉说了或者不说影响不大，建议以后多注意。另外注意长短句的结合，不要过多的从句套从句，这样能使文章更有节奏感。继续努力！:handshake

[ 本帖最后由 rolling713 于 2008-10-1 00:48 编辑 ]