comeon小组-aaimmortal10月14日作业

aaimmortalUID: 2297730

A university plans to develop a new research center in your country. Some people want a center for business research. Other people want a center for research in agriculture (farming). Which of these two kinds of research centers do you recommend for your country? Use specific reasons in your recommendation.

请指教，谢谢

Recently people focus on the plan of establishing a new research center in our country. Controversy arouses when it comes to what type of research center should be built. Among various inclinations considered, two kinds of researches win the most large number of votes, that is business and agriculture. While I agree that business has considerable weight in our country’s development, I stand by the other side of these two researches.

The first reason is that, the number of population in our country suggests we should never put the research of agriculture in the second place. It is known to all that we are the largest-population counrty in the world, which means we have the largest number of people to feed. How can we thrive if our people are in starvation or how can we even survive when we can’t satisfy the basic need of human being? Although we already have energy and effort on agriculture, we have various problems not solved yet. Low agricultural productivity and lacking of modern technology and magagement in remote areas suggest we are in desperate need of research on agriculture.

Secondly and unfortunately, we haven’t developed a safe and sound system of agriculture. Recent incidences of poisonous milk and its following negative effects have uncovered the weakness in our agricultural market. The agricultural products are lacking assurance of security and probably harmful to our health, especially to the younger generations. Thus, the establishment of a agriculture center could change the current situation for the positive side. For example, the new agricultural research center can develop more healthy food, modern equipments for farming, and more importantly the product-examining mechanism, which give the mass population sort of confidence in the agricultural commodities.

Actually, the business itself can develop well even though no research center is built because of the stiff competition in the business world . Each year, numerous graduates of MBA degrees and private enterprises flow into the business market, making this field more and more prosperous. Morever, the communication and cooperation between companies and even countries can also enhance the business growth.

All in all, I am strongly looking forward to the establishment of a new agricultural research center.

[ 本帖最后由 aaimmortal 于 2008-10-14 23:36 编辑 ]

needyouUID: 2251649

Recently people focus on the plan of establishing a new research center in our country. Controversy arouses when it comes to what type of research center should be built. Among various inclinations considered, two kinds of researches win the most large number of(in) votes, that is business and agriculture. While I agree that business has considerable weight in our country’s development, I stand by the other side of these two researches.寄托家园!s n)K V5k E5I
留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA8C3N h+j A Y
The first reason is that, the number of population in our country suggests we should never put the research of agriculture in the second place. It is known to all that we are the largest-population counrty in the world, which means we have the largest number of people to feed. How can we thrive if our people are in starvation or how can we even survive when we can’t satisfy the basic need of human being? Although we already have energy and effort on agriculture, we have various problems not solved yet. Low agricultural productivity and lacking of modern technology and magagement in remote areas suggest we are in desperate need of research on agriculture.
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Secondly and unfortunately, we haven’t developed a safe and sound system of agriculture. Recent incidences of poisonous milk and its following negative effects have uncovered the weakness in our agricultural market. The agricultural products are lacking assurance of security and probably harmful to our health, especially to the younger generations.（需要generations么？ 直接young 行不？） Thus, the establishment of a agriculture center could change the current situation for the positive side. For example, the new agricultural research center can develop more healthy food, modern equipments for farming, and more importantly the product-examining mechanism, which give the mass population sort of confidence in the agricultural commodities.
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Actually, the business itself can develop well even though no research center is built because of the stiff competition in the business world . Each year, numerous graduates of MBA degrees and private enterprises flow into the business market, making this field more and more prosperous. Morever, the communication and cooperation between companies and even countries can also enhance the business growth.

All in all, I am strongly looking forward to the establishment of a new agricultural research center.

文章已经成型啦，我这种菜鸟改不动了。注意单词问题吧，上传之前复制到word看一遍。

糖不甜UID: 2345216

Recently people focus on the plan of establishing a new research center in our country. Controversy arouses when it comes to what type of research center should be built. Among various inclinations considered, two kinds of researches win the most large number of votes, that is business and agriculture. While I agree that business has considerable weight in our country’s development, I stand by the other side of these two researches.
第一段模板的痕迹太重。个人认为不需要把题目的statement扩展的过于大，只要开门见山的表明观点就ok。

The first reason is that, the number of population in our country suggests we should never put the research of agriculture in the second place. It is known to all that we are the largest-population counrty in the world, which means we have the largest number of people to feed. How can we thrive if our people are in starvation or how can we even survive when we can’t这种缩写尽量少不要用在书面文章中，cannot would be better satisfy the basic need of human being? Although we already have energy指什么energy? and effort on agriculture, we have various problems not solved yet. Low agricultural productivity and lacking of modern technology and magagement management in remote areas suggest we are in desperate need of research on agriculture.

Secondly and unfortunately, we haven’t developed a safe and sound system of agriculture. Recent incidences incident of poisonous milk and its following negative effects have uncovered the weakness in our agricultural market. The agricultural products are lacking assurance of security and probably harmful to our health, especially to the younger generations. Thus, the establishment of a an agriculture center could change the current situation for the positive side. For example, the new agricultural research center can develop more healthy food, modern equipments for farming, 这一段都在讲食品安全问题，这个有点儿不是很切题 and more importantly the product-examining mechanism, which give the mass population sort of confidence in the agricultural commodities.
这一段，首先有个疑问，牛奶属于农产品么？我不是很清楚。再就是，我觉得这样揭自己国家的短有点儿不好，虽然这个例子很能证明你的观点… 再就是这一段的论证，我觉得你要表达的概念有点而不是很突出，我看着看着就想到食品安全的问题上去了。

Actually, the business itself can develop well even though no research center is built because of the stiff competition in the business world . Each year, numerous graduates of MBA degrees and private enterprises flow into the business market, making this field more and more prosperous. Morever, the communication and cooperation between companies and even countries can also enhance the business growth.

All in all, I am strongly looking forward to the establishment of a new agricultural research center.

楼主的语言很厉害哦！我只有学习的份儿。对你的思路方面有一点儿拙见，如果有错的请多包涵啊，或者咱们可以继续讨论~

[ 本帖最后由 糖不甜 于 2008-10-15 13:13 编辑 ]

aaimmortalUID: 2297730

呵呵，谢谢楼上两位哦，改的很详细，学到不少呢
我觉得只要例子和论点能对应，就可以拿来用，这个是很客观的在讲话，如果写到政治丑闻，像美国总统，金融丑闻之类的都可以拿来讲，也可以成为很好的例子，主要还是看论证
开头确实写的啰嗦，需要改进:)
非常感谢