COMEON作文小组------jackallen0714 10月22日作业

jackallen0714UID: 2510951

10月22日
Do you agree or disagree: Governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. (2008年05月9-10日,花钱问题)

Arts always hold a high position in culture, recent or ancient. It provide us appropriate means to convey our emotions. While athletics is equally important since it reflect the comprehensive power of a country and the health situation of its people. Although arts is fascinating and appealing, I believe that government should offer more financial support on athletics.

Healthy body is prerequisite for every and each individual to survive in this complex world. People in illness, no matter physical or psycho, have to suffer great pain and fear. Therefore, without healthy body, one can never fully concentrate on his/her works. As an human creature, an artist also can not be exempted from such principle. In fact, many artist died their early age leave themself unfinished works and considerable regret to later generations. In conclusion,we should deal with the essential need of human race in the first place.

Athletics is more relevant to our daily life. We can take sports everyday and almost everywhere because of it is easy and convenient. However, go to a exhibition to appreciate an art masterpiece apparently is much more complex. We need numerous background knowledge which can be only obtained through systematic education. And all too often, we can't understand the meaning represented by an art work even we have the knowledge. Maybe they are too complex to understand or maybe we just can't appreciate them. In a word, arts is less relevant for common people.

Arts require less financial support because they actually can get money from other people. There are already numerous organizations and galleries all over the country. Artists can make money by selling their works , while athletes actually have nothing to sell. The exclusive resource from where they can get support is government, they have far less choices than artist. In short, athletics is more eager to get money from government.

As all the reasons I mentioned above, I support more money putting on the athletics. In fact, irrelevant arts and athletics might seem to be, they do have some connection. In some sense, sports in itself is a powerful tool to express arts.


[ 本帖最后由 jackallen0714 于 2008-10-21 23:51 编辑 ]

cleanwater25UID: 2295333

Arts always hold a high position in culture, recent or ancient. It provide us appropriate means to convey our emotions. While athletics is equally important since it reflect(reflects 小的错误^_^) the comprehensive power of a country and the health situation of its people. Although arts is fascinating and appealing, I believe that government should offer more financial support on athletics.（第一段写的相当精彩）

Healthy body is prerequisite for （every and我觉得应该删去) each individual to survive in this complex world. People in illness, no matter physical or psycho（psyche更地道，蓝delta上有一个原句这么用的。）, have to （may更好些）suffer great pain and fear. Therefore, without healthy body, one can never fully concentrate on his/her works. As an human creature, an artist also can not be exempted from such principle. In fact, many artist died their early age leave themself unfinished works and considerable regret to later generations（it is quite pity for those artisits who pass away early because of poor health condition leaving their work undone我觉得这么说要表达的意思会更明确，因为你是要强调没了健康，就算他们再有才，也不能很好的完成好作品）. In conclusion,we should deal with the essential need of human race in the first place（it is more wise for us to pay more attention to our health before to other aspects.你应该是想表达first thing first do，因此我认为这么改可能更简单明确）

Ahletics is more relevant to our daily life. We can take sports everyday and almost everywhere because of it is easy and convenient. However, go to a exhibition to appreciate an art masterpiece apparently is much more complex. We need numerous background knowledge which can be only obtained through systematic education. And all too often, we can't understand the meaning represented by an art work even we have the knowledge. Maybe they are too complex to understand or maybe we just can't appreciate them. In a word, arts is less relevant for common people.
这段主要想表达运动与我们的生活息息相关，我们可以经常做运动，而且做运动很简单，但是欣赏作品需要很多很多的知识，而且有这些知识也不一定能欣赏明白。切入点很好，但是我觉得论述的不够相当。我觉得这么说更好：运动和欣赏艺术作品都有利于我们的健康，但是运动不需要something special，只要我们是正常人，我们就可以通过运动来锻炼身体，保证我们的身心健康。而欣赏作品对大多数人来说太难了，就算我们有相关的知识我们不一定能明白它们想表达的意思，更不用说绝大多数人都没有能力欣赏艺术作品。所以相比艺术，运动是一个更简单和更方便的方式让我们健康。（Compared with art masterpiece, sports provide us with a more convenient and simpler way to make us stronger and more healthy.No one can deny the fact that we can relieve our pressures by understanding an art work, however it is quite difficult even for those people who have eough background knowlege, not to mention most of us generally do not possess such ability to comprehend it.)

Arts require less financial support because they actually can get money from other people. There are already numerous organizations and galleries all over the country. Artists can make money by selling their works , while athletes actually have nothing to sell. The exclusive resource from where they can get support is government, they have far less choices than artist. In short, athletics is more eager to get money from government. 这段写的我认为多少有些牵强，因为能买出作品的艺术家很少很少，而绝大多数的艺术家的生活很窘迫，这个在蓝delta上的一篇听力就知道了，几乎所有的艺术家都要做兼职来养活自己，好多更是因为生活所迫而放弃艺术。如果这样的话，艺术反而是应该被更多支持的。希望lz能换一个论述。如果真的想用这个，我建议你这么写：艺术家，尤其是画家所用的东西很便宜，比如纸张和颜料就几块钱，但是体育就不一样了，请教练花钱多，买器械花钱多等等。但是像我前面说的，这样还是太牵强，因为sculptor的原料就很贵，而乒乓球就比它要便宜。所以，我觉得如果能换一个就太好了。

As all the reasons I mentioned above, I support more money putting on the athletics. In fact, irrelevant arts and athletics might seem to be, they do have some connection. In some sense, sports in itself is a powerful tool to express arts.


总体来说，题目可以换个角度理解，就是艺术和体育哪个更重要。你的开头写的十分精彩，但是后面总是感觉欠些火候，好像论述让别人开起来不太过瘾。呵呵，不过第一个交作业先赞一个。
这些都是我个人的看法，不知道这样的批改你是否满意？

jackallen0714UID: 2510951

相当感谢~
改得很仔细！
改后文章明显流畅很多~
第三点差不多是硬凑的~我写的时候就觉得不太妥当了

jackallen0714UID: 2510951

看来我要好好研究下蓝色Delta~貌似可以当范文背背啊~

cleanwater25UID: 2295333

呵呵，我也是刚好看到了，而且印象很深，尤其那个psyche。
其实我觉得也不必非得研究蓝delta，你现在练的听力有时间多看看原文，多听听
这样不自觉的就能记住些什么。
加油！！！