COMEON作文小组------santong10月27日作业

santongUID: 2195564

你认为接下来20年汽车的使用会不会减少？2006 年10 月8 日 技术进步类

For another twenty years the use of cars seems not to be decrease. The car play an important role in our daily life since it has been invented not only because the development of the high-technology it used, but also because it did bring us more convenience during the past years. Its continual use could be illustrated in these aspects.

Firstly, car will be used more common as the society develops. Considering the pace of life is much quicker than past, people need to raise the efficiency of doing things, such as working, studying, playing, or even sleeping. That trend contributes to the fact that nobody want to waste too much time on the way to school, company, cafe or gymnasium. Driving a car saves much time than riding a bicycle or just walking by your feet. The development of the society and the technology will not make car dated. The similar example is the use of telephone. Although it is so convenient to send an E-mail on Internet or to send a message use your cell-phone, most family still retain the house telephone. Because it has been a part of our life as the cars have done.

In addition, the new resources will diminish people's fear of contaminate from cars. One possible reason of fewer cars would be use in the future should be the pollution of the cars. However, scientists are striving for invent some new resources instead of today's gasoline oil which may expel some poisonous elements to the air. Such as the hydrogen resource, after it is burned, the only two things it leaves are oxygen and water. So, without the worry about polluting the environment, the car may continue to play it indispensable role in the world.

To sum up, in my opinion, the car will still make more contribution to people in the coming twenty years. Also, as people have much money, more and more people will have their own cars and enjoy the music from the stereo of their cars.

cleanwater25UID: 2295333

For another twenty years the use of cars seems not to be decrease. The car play（plays） an important role in our daily life since it has been invented （我觉得要加一个逗号）not only because （of）the development of the high-technology it used, but also because it did bring us more convenience during the past years. Its continual use could be illustrated in these aspects.

Firstly, car will be used more common as the society develops（我觉得你好像是要表达随着社会进步，车会更普及。既然如此，这样说可能更好些：as the dramatically development of social economy, the cars' application will be more extensive.）. Considering ( the fact that )the pace of life is much quicker than past, people need to raise the efficiency of doing things, such as working, studying, playing, or even sleeping. That trend contributes to the fact that nobody want(wants) to waste too much time on the way to school, company, cafe or gymnasium. Driving a car saves much time than riding a bicycle or just walking by your feet(这个表达方法很有可能错了，保险起见就on foot吧好吗？). The development of the society and the technology will not make car dated. The similar example is the use of telephone. Although it is so convenient to send an E-mail on Internet or to send a message use your cell-phone, most family still retain the house telephone. Because it has been a part of our life as the cars have done.（这个句子跑题了，建议你删掉）

其实第一段我觉得你选择的论证角度还不错，只是结构再稍加改进就好多了

比如，你可以直接说，生活节奏的加快使得越来越多的人意识到汽车带给人的好处，比如它很节省时间。然后你举个例子说：比如，我以前去学校走路或骑自行车，这样浪费很多时间，但是自从家里买车就方便多了。我的例子证明，会有越来越多的人注意到车的好处而买车，这也导致车辆的增加

In addition, the new resources will diminish people's fear of contaminate（pollution好了，你用的那个词是动词） from cars. One possible reason of fewer cars would be use in the future should be the pollution of the cars. However, scientists are striving for invent（inventing但是我个人觉得researching更好些） some new resources instead of today's gasoline oil which may expel some poisonous elements to the air. Such as the hydrogen resource, after it is burned, the only two things it leaves are oxygen and water（氢气燃烧后不只有水吗？）. So, without the worry about polluting the environment, the car may continue to play it indispensable role in the world.

这个例子也不错，还是老问题，就是论证的顺序问题

其实你本可以说：因为空气污染，人们一度十分顾忌车的使用。然而科学家正在致力于新燃料的研究之中，而这些染料不污染空气。比如。。。。最后来个总结，这样会打消人们的担忧，使得人们更加热情的去买车。这样车也就增加了。

To sum up, in my opinion, the car will still make more contribution to people in the coming twenty years. Also, as people have much money, more and more people will have their own cars and enjoy the music from the stereo of their cars.

看完楼主的文章我有三点想说一下：

1，楼主英语有很多chiglish，这个没办法，你的文章写的太少了，至少我猜是这样。但愿你还有充足的时间去准备。我建议你找几篇gre的issue，或者托福的范文看看。

2，楼主一些语法错误很严重，有些非谓语应该注意，不要出现两个动词

3，就是论证顺序

可能我的批改会给你打击。但谁的进步不是从打击过来的呢？别灰心，我去年写第一篇gre作文的时候连自杀的心都有。要好好加油！

cleanwater25UID: 2295333

建议你多看看ly8768的文章
至少我目前来看，他的文章是最棒的！