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[i习作temp] issue51 [FF小组]第一次作业---by 叫我浅浅 second edition [复制链接]

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香港offer勋章

发表于 2008-10-28 23:54:49 |显示全部楼层
第一次作业0906 <ff小组〉 issue 51- by 叫我浅浅


51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."



写完了给一个会6国语言的mixDD看,被批思路死板,没有创新。:funk:  算了,还是原文奉上,供大家批斗。^^

This assertion of education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student seems sound at the first glance; however, it can not get through the elaborate consideration.

Like the baby chooses its most like toy, interest is the original impetus of learning; nevertheless, to meet wholly individual's appetite of learning is unrealistic. Confucius commented several thousand years ago, "teach students in accordance of their aptitude", which was based on the fewness of literate people among the entire community. Thousands of years witnesses great changes taken place in our society. Nowadays an extremely rapid growing number of people craving for obtaining knowledge from different kinds of schools. Thus current situation of mass people awaiting for being educated can not allow us to satisfy every single person's appetite of study, which is unpractical for lacking of enough manpower and material resources. For one thing, a numerous number of teachers should been arranged for each student's diverse interests. For another thing, a heavy financial burden will shoulder on the families, schools, and countries etc.

Arguably education can be divided to elementary and advanced levels. As for the elementary students, it is wise to take the unitary approach of getting multifarious instruction of diverse subjects from teachers, such as mathematics, arts, astronomy etc. After the fulfillment of the elementary education, the students may have a general knowledge of each subject, which is the fundament of further study. If it was not because of Leonardo da Vinci's father's deliberate and multi-orientation guidance since he was a child, he may eventually merely be a famed painter, howbeit neglecting his potential to become a great inventor, architect, philosopher, geographer etc.
   
After finishing the elementary level of study, the students acknowledge what they really care about. Hence they must found themselves pay more attention to one specific aspect or two. Attention spurs interest, and interest spurs interest-oriented learning. The advanced level of education specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests, such as tutors provide students to explore the given subjects individually, is effective and valid for the students' further development.

To sum up, teaching individual all equally through needs and interests the whole process of education is ineffective. There should be a balance between generalist education and specialist education, which is decided by, in my opinion, how interest you are in that field and how much efforts you can pay for it. Education itself must in line with the current circumstances, which should combine general-centered and individual-centered education in an effectual approach.


[ 本帖最后由 叫我浅浅 于 2008-10-31 20:31 编辑 ]

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发表于 2008-10-29 12:57:55 |显示全部楼层
This assertion of education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student seems sound at the first glance; however, it can not get through the elaborate consideration.(的确没啥新意.呵呵,不过我想写个复杂点的发现表达的不好,也被批了.)

Like the baby chooses its most like toy, interest is the original impetus of learning;(这个比喻内在联系不是很明确吧?) nevertheless, to meet wholly individual's appetite of learning is unrealistic. Confucius commented several thousand years ago, "teach students in accordance of their aptitude", which was based on the fewness of literate people among the entire community.(这句话想表达什么?要是你的意思是以前可以因材施教现在不能,那你最好加些让步的词) Thousands of years witnesses great changes taken place in our society. Nowadays an extremely rapid growing number of people craving for obtaining knowledge from different kinds of schools. Thus current situation of mass people awaiting for being educated can not allow us to satisfy every single person's appetite of study, which is unpractical for lacking of enough manpower and material resources.(加个表原因的关系词可能会让逻辑更清晰) For one thing, a numerous number of teachers should been arranged for each student's diverse interests. For another thing, a heavy financial burden will shoulder on the families, schools, and countries etc.

(因为你下面两段和第一段貌似没有一点关系,加个过度段会好一点,不然你的整体结构不是很清晰.)Arguably education can be divided to elementary and advanced levels. As for the elementary students, it is wise to take the unitary approach of getting multifarious instruction of diverse subjects from teachers, such as mathematics, arts, astronomy etc. After the fulfillment of the elementary education, the students may have a general knowledge of each subject, which is the fundament of further study. If it was not because of Leonardo da Vinci's father's deliberate and multi-orientation guidance since he was a child, he may eventually merely be a famed painter, howbeit neglecting his potential to become a great inventor, architect, philosopher, geographer etc.
   
After finishing the elementary level of study, the students acknowledge what they really care about. Hence they must found themselves pay more attention to one specific aspect or two. Attention spurs interest, and interest spurs interest-oriented learning. The advanced level of education specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests, such as tutors provide students to explore the given subjects individually, is effective and valid for the students' further development. (这段主要说了上大学后这样的教育会有效,为什么会有效?论证的不够充分)

To sum up, teaching individual all equally through needs and interests the whole process of education is ineffective. There should be a balance between generalist education and specialist education, which is decided by, in my opinion, how interest you are in that field and how much efforts you can pay for it. Education itself must in line with the current circumstances, which should combine general-centered and individual-centered education in an effectual approach.



我能力有限批的也不一定对,多多包涵.:handshake
缺点:
这篇文章的主体部分第一段和后面两段不是一个思路.让人感觉你是两篇文章不是一篇.
同时每段论证可以更加深入一点.
而且下次你可以把你的提纲列出来,方便互拍.
优点:
语言表达比较流畅.

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香港offer勋章

发表于 2008-10-29 22:52:06 |显示全部楼层
呵呵,谢谢oyhd

你的意见很中肯。

当时我也考虑到了两部分的衔接问题。。

确实应该有个过度段。

而思想深度的问题,我确实很缺乏。
有时候想到了,但是没办法说得清楚,
也就放弃了。

再次谢谢!

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发表于 2008-10-30 17:32:20 |显示全部楼层
其实逻辑没必要太深刻,毕竟是限时写.
只要主线比较清晰,每段论证充分就可以了.:o
呵呵,以上是我对AW逻辑的看法.

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香港offer勋章

发表于 2008-10-31 20:23:10 |显示全部楼层

回oyhd,我也觉得能够自其说的就是逻辑。呵呵。

改了几个语法错误,还根据oyhd的宝贵意见做了些修改。希望大家再多提建设性意见呀。

This assertion of education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student seems sound at the first glance; however, it can not get through the elaborate consideration.

As is known to us all, Confucius commented several thousand years ago, "teach students in accordance of their aptitude".
Nevertheless, what Confucius said was based on the limited number of literate people among the entire community. Thousands of years witnesses great changes taking place in our society. At present, a large quantity of people craving for obtaining knowledge from different kinds of schools. Thus the current situation of massive amount of persons awaiting to be educated with the limited resources, which renders us impossible to satisfy every individual's style of perfect education. For one thing, a numerous number of teachers should been arranged for each student's diverse interests, which is unrealistic. For another thing, a heavy financial burden will shoulder on the families, schools, and society etc.


Arguably education can be divided to elementary and advanced levels. Provided we unite general-oriented and individual-oriented teaching method throughout the education, it would be awfully beneficial.  

As for the elementary students, it is wise to take the unitary approach of getting multifarious instruction of diverse subjects from teachers, such as mathematics, arts, astronomy etc. After the fulfillment of the elementary education, the students may have a general knowledge of each subject, which is the fundament of the further study. In my opinion, if it was not because of Leonardo Da Vinci's father's deliberate and multi-orientational guidance since he was a child, he may eventually merely be a famed painter. Thanks to his father, he facilitated himself comprehensive interest in diversified subjects, which leads him to become a great inventor, architect, philosopher, geographer etc.

Once finishing the elementary level of study, the students may acknowledge what they really care about. Hence they must find themselves pay more attention to one or two specific aspect. Attention spurs interest, and interest spurs interest-oriented learning. The advanced level of education specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests, such as tutors provide students to explore the given subjects individually, is effective and valid for the students' further development.

To sum up, the process of education targeting each individual's needs and interests is ineffective. There should be a balance between generalist education and specialist education, which is decided by, in my opinion, how interest you are in that field and the amount of effort you are willing to put into it. Education itself must in line with the current circumstances, which should combine general-centered and individual-centered education in an effectual approach.



[ 本帖最后由 叫我浅浅 于 2008-10-31 23:09 编辑 ]

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Leo狮子座 荣誉版主 AW活动特殊奖

发表于 2008-11-1 09:58:16 |显示全部楼层
说一点个人意见哦:
首先我觉得你的语言功底是很多版友比不上的,看得出你对于词语,句子运用的雕琢和用心,如果由时间,你可以给版友在这个方面多指点下,很多版友的语法还是问题,所以,如果你有时间,并且愿意的话,可以教教版友哦~
其次,我看了下你的文章,我觉得不需要大刀阔斧的改,但是我想说的是,文章感觉,有很华丽的外表,却缺少朴实的内在。内容空洞了些。
上来,先说明了个人化教育是不现实的,两个原因,我觉得这个不错。
然后,在说要结合的时候没有说好吧,个人感觉。
你把教育有效定义成什么呢?如果你说结合部分的第二快,适合个人的高等教育是合理的,那么,你全文的第一段,即个人教育是不现实的,岂不是就是又不合理了么?文章有点自相矛盾吧~
而且,我个人感觉,文章的思维深度还有待提高,多关注下生活,教育为什么有效?
个人教育,集体教育?当社会日益进步的时候,个性化越来越强烈,每个人都追求属于自己的个性化,教育也是一样。
集体教育呢?优势在与国家灌输思想,给大家思想上的同意,考试统一,一些共性的东西有些自己的特点和优势的吧~
我觉得其实可以在写作的时候多考虑下~
鉴于你的语言是你的优势,那么多加强下思维的锻炼吧!

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RE: issue51 [FF小组]第一次作业---by 叫我浅浅 second edition [修改]

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