issue51[FF小组]第一次作业---by darlyxp

darlyxpUID: 2196136

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TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
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I agree that education designed according to the individual needs and interests of each student can be to some extent beneficial to students, but I differ with the speaker’s idea that it is the only way to make education effective.

As to student education, admittedly, student's interest plays a vital role in the education process. "The interest is the best teacher", as the saying goes. Once you have keen interest in a certain subject, you will take the initiative to preview carefully the textbooks, find seriously reference books related to the subjects, discuss positively with the teachers or other students, and review industriously most of the materials after class. Moreover, you may have a strong desire to practice and explore deeply in the related academic area. In contrast, a student may have a negative and depressed performance in studying if he/she has little or even no interest in his/her major. From the respect discussed above, I strongly consider that students' interest is an important factor of an effective education process.

However, specifically designed education may have some potential problems which render it unfeasible and ineffectual through the country. Apparently, the feasibility of this education mode is open to doubt. Teaching resources are comparatively limited compared with the large number of students in the country. How does one school construct courses and schedule classes satisfy the various needs and interests of all students who majoring in different specialties in a given university or college? How does a school equip laboratories with the precision experimental and researching instruments? Does it have enough funds to purchase these costly equipments? How can teachers be able to handle so many different wants and interests of each student? It is really hard to imagine that a school can be capable of catering to all the students.

Moreover, whether education will be surely effective is not only has to do with the teaching process but also with the student's learning process. As to the teaching process, schools should be required to employ qualified teachers and equip proper teaching attachments. As to the learning procedure, keeping industrious habits and adopting efficient methods of acquiring knowledge are also responsible for an effectual studying behavior for a given student besides his/her particular interests. Distinctive learning methods inspired from students can stimulate themselves to think in a different way distinct from others and can harvest unexpected results sometimes. Consequently, providing each student an especially devised education style is not the unique way to effect an school education process.

To sum up, I support the speaker that each individual needs and interests should be understood and considered as adequate as possible, but catering all students' desires is not the only method indeed make education effective. Schools are obliged to offer multitudinous optional courses such as arts, history, sciences and so forth for the purpose of improving the overall quality of students. On the other hand, students themselves should study hard and make the full use of available learning resources. Only with both schools and students' endeavor would education be truly effective.

自己在word中修改了基本的拼写错误以及句法错误等小毛病,还请大家猛拍.

[ 本帖最后由 darlyxp 于 2008-10-29 21:45 编辑 ]

caomoqianqianUID: 2542112

I agree that education designed according to the individual needs and interests of each students can be to some extent benificial to student's, but I disagree that it is the only way making education effective.（开门见山，喜欢，但稍稍单薄，也许是作者开头的风格）

As to student education, admittedly, student's interest plays an vital role in the education process. "The interest is the teacher", as the saying goes. Once a（去掉） you have a（去掉） keen interest in a certain subject, you will take the intiative to preview carefully the textbook, find reference book related to this subject, discuss positively with the teacher or other students, and review the textbook after class.（之前上写作班老师说避免中国学生的错误能用复数就复数，楼主可以把book,textbook,subject,etc.都换成复数，这样避免语法错误和逻辑错误，很省心，只是提个建议） Moreover, you may have a strong desire to pratice and explore deeply in the related acdemic area. While a student who may has a negtive and depressed performance if he/she has little or no interest in his/her major.（这句话没有主句噢，楼主改一下） From the respects above, I strongly agree that student's interest in(is) an important factor of an effective education process.（觉得这句有点没必要，会被掠过去不看的）

However, specifically designed education may have some potential problems which render it unfeasible and ineffectual through the country. Apparently, the feasibility of this educaiton mode is open to doubt. Teaching resources are comparatively limited compared with the large number of students in the country. How does one school construct courses and schedule classes satisfy the various needs and interests of all students who majoring(major) in different specilties in a given uinversity or college? How does a school equip laborotory(复数比较好) with the precision experimental and researching instruments? Does it has enough funds to purchase these costly equipments? How can teachers be able to handle so many different wants and interests of each student? It is really hard to imagine that a school can be capable of catering to all the students.（觉得这段写的很好，展开具体而充分，设问有气势）

Moreover, whether education will be surely effctive is not only has to do with the teaching process but also with the student's learning process. As to the teaching process, schools should be required to employ qualified teachers and equip proper teaching attachments. As to the learing procedure, keeping idustrious and the method of studying is also reponsible for an effectual learing behavior for a given student besides his/her interests. Distinctive learning methods inspired from students can stimulate themselves to think in a different way distincting from others and can harvest unexpected results sometimes. Consequently, providing each student an especially devised education mode is not the unique way to effect an education process.

To sum up, I agree the speaker that each individual needs and interests should be understood and considered as adequate as possible, but catering all students' desires is not the only method indeed make an（去掉） education effective. Schools are obliged to offer multitudinous optional courses such as arts, hitory, sciences and so forth for the purpose of improving the overall quality of students. On the other hand, students themselves should study hard and  make the full use of availiable learing resources. Only with both schools and students' endeavor, would education be truly effective.
（觉得楼主通篇思想安排的很好，只是出现些语法错误，agree用的有点多，希望多寻找几种同义的表达。动词的排列很多，感觉有点象从中文一点一点翻译过来的，楼主在这方面语言上应该再加强些）
献丑啦，有什么改错的，请楼主见谅！

darlyxpUID: 2196136

语言基础是太差. 语法问题多啊...
借鉴了很多前辈的文章.
开头我想直接进入主题.
中间感觉没有展开来,原因和例证不充分.
结尾段貌似只是简单地重复开头...

谢谢caomoqianqian 同学,我会关注你的文章的,吸收一下你的优点.其实你可以批狠一点,我觉得你太保留了...

总之,共勉!!

流风似水UID: 2177807

I agree that education designed according to the individual needs and interests of each student can be to some extent beneficial to students, but I differ with the speaker’s idea that it is the only way to make education effective.
beneficial 形容词，是不是应该用名词？前面已经agree了，马上又differ with, 似乎有点不妥，好像有点前后不一，第一段应该明确表明你的态度的，然而从这里却很难判断你到底是同意还是否定，是部分同意还是部分否定。从下面的论述比例来看，应该是你小部分赞同题目观点，大部分不赞同，建议这里用上能表明这种程度的词。至于differ with是否有楼主这种用法，我不是很确定，可以探讨一下。differ with 与...不调和,与...不一致，我查的differ with 的用法：differ with/from sb about/on sth

As to student education, admittedly, student's interest plays a vital role in the education process. "The interest is the best teacher", as the saying goes. Once you have keen interest in a certain subject, you will take the initiative to preview carefully the textbooks, find seriously reference books related to the subjects, discuss positively with the teachers or other students, and review industriously most of the materials after class. Moreover, you may have a strong desire to practice and explore deeply in the related academic area. In contrast, a student may have a negative and depressed performance in studying if he/she has little or even no interest in his/her major. From the respect discussed above, I strongly consider that students' interest is an important factor of an effective education process.
从学生对课程感兴趣和不感兴趣的行为做比较，我个人认为写得还是挺好的，呵呵，比较具体而生动。

However, specifically designed education may have some potential problems which render it unfeasible and ineffectual through the country. Apparently, the feasibility of this education mode is open to doubt. Teaching resources are comparatively limited compared with the large number of students in the country. How does one school construct courses and schedule classes satisfy the various needs and interests of all students who majoring in different specialties in a given university or college? How does a school equip laboratories with the precision experimental and researching instruments? Does it have enough funds to purchase these costly equipments? How can teachers be able to handle so many different wants and interests of each student? It is really hard to imagine that a school can be capable of catering to all the students.
这一段好像有点偏题了啊。你讨论的是现有教育资源能否满足学生的需求，而题目的意思是要讨论：教育是否仅仅满足学生的需求就足够了，就有效了。当然，题目含义究竟如何理解，可以探讨一下。

Moreover, whether education will be surely effective is not only has to do with the teaching process but also with the student's learning process（侧重点在后半句，但是从下文来看，两个分句同样重要，所以这里这个连词是否用得不当？）. As to the teaching process, schools should be required to employ qualified teachers and equip proper teaching attachments. As to the learning procedure, keeping industrious habits and adopting efficient methods of acquiring knowledge are also responsible for an effectual studying behavior for a given student besides his/her particular interests. Distinctive learning methods inspired from students can stimulate themselves to think in a different way distinct from others and can harvest unexpected results sometimes. Consequently, providing each student an especially devised education style is not the unique way to effect an school education process.
这一段说教育的有效性还取决于教的有效性和学的有效性，所以给每个学生设计特别的教育体系并不是影响学校教育有效性的唯一方法。

To sum up, I support the speaker that each individual needs and interests should be understood and considered as adequate as possible, but catering all students' desires is not the only method indeed make education effective. Schools are obliged to offer multitudinous optional courses such as arts, history, sciences and so forth for the purpose of improving the overall quality of students.这是说学校不得不提供多种选修课程以满足学生的需要。为什么要用are obliged to不得不呢？是暗含实际这样做教育资源有可能不够吗？如果是，为什么不明确指出呢，你上文已经说到这一点了，这里只需总结一下就可以了，不用暗示啊。如果不是，那就是学校“应该”提供多种选修课程了。On the other hand, students themselves should study hard and make the full use of available learning resources. Only with both schools and students' endeavor would education be truly effective.

个人认为楼主行文还是比较流畅的啊，不过和我个人对于“教育有效性”的理解不一样。楼主的理解是指“教学效果”吧，学生有兴趣固然会学得更认真，但是教学的效果还要是教和学两方面都有效，才能说教学效果好。楼主的意思是这个吗？然而，我理解的教育的有效性侧重的是教育要达到教育的目的才能说教育是有效的，那么教育的目的是什么呢，是要适应个人的发展和社会的发展。所以思路和楼主有些不一样。但是，我并没有否认楼主的思路哦。题目到底要怎么理解，文章到底要怎么写，不正是我们现在要锻炼要摸索的吗。
今天先拍到这里，欢迎和楼主继续探讨。

darlyxpUID: 2196136

原帖由 流风似水 于 2008-10-30 01:35 发表
不过和我个人对于“教育有效性”的理解不一样。楼主的理解是指“教学效果”吧，学生有兴趣固然会学得更认真，但是教学的效果还要是教和学两方面都有效，才能说教学效果好。楼主的意思是这个吗？然而，我理解的教育的有效性侧重的是教育要达到教育的目的才能说教育是有效的，那么教育的目的是什么呢，是要适应个人的发展和社会的发展。所以思路和楼主有些不一样。但是，我并没有否认楼主的思路哦。题目到底要怎么理解，文章到底要怎么写，不正是我们现在要锻炼要摸索的吗。
今天先拍到这里，欢迎和楼主继续探讨。

我的思路是这样的:
第1段: 发表自己的看法:为每个学生定制的教育在一定程序上对学生有利,然而,这并不是唯一让教育真正有效的方法. 这就是我第一段要表达的意思.

第2段: 强调兴趣之于学习的重要性.这是为了部分同意speaker的观点.即第1段中我本人观点的一部分"I agree that education designed according to the individual needs and interests of each student can be to some extent beneficial to students..."

第3段: 对第2段进行转折. 虽然学生的兴趣很是重要,但学校为每个学生提供specifically designed education的可行性差.

第4段: 对第3段进行递进. 教育是否有效不仅与学校有关,还有学生的学习过程(努力程度,学习方法)有关. 我的意思是,即使学校满足了学生的要求,教育也不一定会truly effective,所以specifically designed education并不是使得教育真正有效的唯一方法.

第5段: 结尾段. 再次声明我的立场,学生的需要当然需要尽可能地满足,但这并不是the only method. 同时结出建议:学样可以开设很多的选修课供学生选择,以使学校的教学质量提高;同时学生们也要采取正确的学习方法,努力学习. 只有结合学校和学生双方的努力,才能让教育真正有效.


谢谢 流风似水 的指正,看完你的意见以后,发现我的作文有很大的漏洞!

1.文章的是说"只有根据学生的需要和兴趣而进行特别制定的*,才能使教育真正有效."
   那么,什么是"教育真正有效"呢? 我并没有下定义,我想,我要在第2段开始,先说明一下"教育真正有效"的意思.然后再开始写接下来的东西.

2.开头段没写好,本意是部分支持,部分反对.却被我写成了"一下支持,一下子又反对...",有严重的逻辑不清嫌疑,或者就是意思表达不清楚,影响改卷的理解.

3.段与段的衔接不是很自然,我应该再说清楚一点,才更好.




[ 本帖最后由 darlyxp 于 2008-10-30 19:32 编辑 ]

叫我浅浅UID: 2414823

I agree that education designed according to the individual needs and interests of each student（individual已经有each的意思了） can be to some extent（这种插入语用在这里不是很好，要么放在前面，要么前后用逗号，比较符合习惯）beneficial to students, but I differ with（这个，我觉得是和前面那个筒子改的一样的问题，转折得太突兀了点儿，即使后面有限定语。）the speaker’s idea that it is the only way to make education effective.

As to student's（student是不可以单独用的，要么加冠词，要么加复数） education, admittedly, student's（同上） interest plays a vital role in the education process. "（The 不需要冠词） Interest is the best teacher", as the saying goes. Once you have keen interest in a certain subject, you will take the initiative to preview carefully the textbooks, （once...XXX..最好用虚拟语气的句型）find seriously（earnestly？） reference books related to the（用that比较好，体现前后联系） subjects, discuss positively with the teachers or other students, and review industriously most of the materials after class. （Once... 这个句子实在是太长了，看起来很累的。可以试试break it down，再加些表递进啊之类的连接词，这样层次清晰，读起来又不会累，很好的。）Moreover, you may have a strong desire to practice and explore deeply in the related academic area. In contrast, a student may have a negative and depressed performance in studying if he/she has little or even no interest in his/her major. From the respect discussed above, I strongly consider that students' interest is an important factor of an effective education process.

However, specifically designed education may have some potential problems which render it unfeasible and ineffectual through the country. Apparently, the feasibility of this education mode is open to doubt. Teaching resources are comparatively limited compared with the large number of students in the country. How does one school construct courses and schedule classes satisfy（这里一个句子不是有2个谓语了么，加一个to satisfy） the various needs and interests of all students who （are）majoring in different specialties in a given university or college? How does a school equip laboratories with the precision（precise） experimental and researching instruments? Does it have enough funds to purchase these costly equipments（换个词吧，apparatus）? How can teachers be able to handle so many different wants and interests of each student? It is really hard to imagine that a school can be capable of catering to all the students.

Moreover, whether education will be surely effective is not only has （has something to do？）to do with the teaching process but also with the student's learning process. As to the teaching process, schools should be required to employ qualified teachers and to equip proper teaching attachments. As to the learning procedure, keeping industrious habits（这两个似乎不搭配） and adopting efficient methods （直接说industrious and  efficient methods 好点吧） of acquiring knowledge are also responsible for an effectual studying behavior for a given student besides his/her particular interests.（As to the learning procedure, besides one's particular interests，industrious and  efficient methods are also responsible for an effectual studying behavior.） Distinctive learning methods inspired from（by）students can stimulate themselves to think in a different way distinct from others（这里也重复了。） and can harvest unexpected results sometimes. Consequently, providing each student an especially devised education style is not the unique way to effect an school education process.

To sum up, I support the speaker that each individual needs and interests should be understood and considered as adequate as possible, but （indeed） catering all students' desires is not the only method indeed （把这个提到前面比较好） make education effective. Schools are obliged to offer multitudinous optional courses such as arts, history, sciences and so forth for the purpose of improving the overall quality（想表达综合素质是么？general quality 好一些吧） of students. On the other hand, students themselves should study hard and make the full use of available learning resources. Only with both schools and students' endeavor would education be truly effective.



我觉得就语言问题上，你可以注意一下不必要为了写长句子而写长句子，重点是说得要清楚，明白，给看的人不要造成负担。
语序的问题也应该要注意，不然理解起来比较困难咯。



[ 本帖最后由 叫我浅浅 于 2008-10-31 22:24 编辑 ]

darlyxpUID: 2196136

谢谢 浅浅 有时间再仔细批一下吧~~