COMEON作文小组--Mer.10.30作业

Mer.UID: 2532485

提纲：不同意
1．  提供了更多产品信息
2．  广告也有其艺术价值
3.        但某些时候会对青少年有不利影响

In contemporary society, the proliferation of new products, services and technologies have given rise to the thriving of advertisement industry. With massive exposure to advertisements everyday, however, some people contend that it is a waste of money to publicize for existing goods since consumers have already know what they want to purchase. As far as I am concerned, their view is overly simplistic.

To start with, advertisements inform us about the latest products on the market. There is no denying that modern technology is developing at a ever-accelerating tempo; consequently, new products especially the electronic ones emerge quickly one after another. This has imposed us a serious problem: how can we always obtain the up to the minute information and stay in the swim? Actually, the existence of advertisements has provide the solution to the problem. The advertisements through the mass media such as television, radio, newspaper and the Internet all contain a great deal of valuable information about the goods and services that we demand.

Moreover, elaborate advertisements can be a genuine art form.. For instance, there are always colorful and attractive scenes with witty words in he vast billboards on sides of roads or various posters presenting on shopping window. Once we catch the sight of them, we not only obtain the information of the certain commodity but also gain the enjoyment of some creative and fancy art form.

Admittedly, some advertisements may carry inimical effects due to the presence of unwholesome and indecent contents. Companies tend to use the female body and the amorous scenes as the main attraction of the advertisements particularly for the products such as wines, lingerie, and cosmetics . Nevertheless, a strict censorship on all mass media conduct by governments has effectively curbed the situation.

To sum up, I strongly believe that advertising is necessary as it notifies us the newest shopping information and gives us artistic amusement.

jackallen0714UID: 2510951

写得太漂亮了……回头再看看有什么可改没

In contemporary society, the proliferation of new products, services and technologies have given rise to the thriving of advertisement industry. With massive exposure to advertisements everyday, however, some people contend that it is a waste of money to publicize for existing goods since consumers have already know what they want to purchase. As far as I am concerned, their view is overly simplistic.

To start with, advertisements inform us about the latest products on the market. There is no denying that modern technology is developing at a ever-accelerating tempo; consequently, new products especially the electronic ones emerge quickly one after another. This has imposed 强加，用在这好像不是很妥当us a serious problem: how can we always obtain the up to the minute information and stay in the swim pool不清楚这个词组对不对? Actually, the existence of advertisements has provide the solution to the problem. The advertisements through the mass media such as television, radio, newspaper and the Internet all contain a great deal of valuable information about the goods and services that we demand.

Moreover, elaborate advertisements can be a genuine art form.. For instance, there are always colorful and attractive scenes with witty words in the 笔误 vast billboards on sides of roads or various posters presenting on shopping window. Once we catch the多余 sight of them, we not only obtain the information of the certain commodity but also gain the enjoyment of/from some creative and fancy art form.

Admittedly, some advertisements may carry inimical不友善的，貌似不妥negative effects due to the presence of unwholesome and indecent contents. Companies tend to use the female body and the amorous scenes as the main attraction of the advertisements particularly for the products such as wines, lingerie, and cosmetics . Nevertheless, a strict censorship on all mass media conduct by governments has effectively curbed the situation这个搭配不确定对不对，curb应该是偏向约束的意思，situation可能换个词会更好.

To sum up, I strongly believe that advertising is necessary as it notifies us the newest shopping information and gives us artistic amusement.

楼主的词汇相当丰富多变~
很好很强大~
要是每段再来个更具体的例子的话就更好了！！


[ 本帖最后由 jackallen0714 于 2008-10-30 22:56 编辑 ]

Mer.UID: 2532485

谢谢jackallen0714 的批改``这片传媒的文章以前写过的，所以比较好上手｀｀

mpromanusUID: 2565872

In contemporary society, the proliferation of new products, services and technologies has (主语是the proliferation of ...) given rise to a thriving advertisement industry. With massive exposure to advertisements everyday, however（一般来说转折连词应该放在句首，否则句意很拗口，半路让人脑子一个U转的感觉）, some people contend that it is a waste of money to publicize for existing goods since consumers have already known what they want to purchase. As far as I am concerned, their view is overly simplistic.

To start with, advertisements inform us about the latest products on the market. There is no denying that modern technology is developing at a ever-accelerating tempo; consequently, new products, especially electronic goods, emerge quickly one after another. This has imposed on us a serious problem: how can we always obtain up-to-the-minute information and stay in the swim? The existence of advertisements has provided the solution to the problem. (做statement的时候不要用actually这样的词比较好，这词实际上语气是有些小孩子气的，特意强调‘实际上’反而会让人有种‘难道这观点还有不实际上的吗’的感觉） Advertisements through the mass media such as television, radio, newspapers and the Internet all contain a great deal of valuable information about the goods and services that we demand. (and so? How does containing a lot of information help to solve the problem of not knowing what to buy? Does a customer automatically know what to buy once we give him a load of information? 需要指出一个很明确的联系，contain a great deal of ... information ... so customers are able to use them as references and directions when making their purchasing choices.）

Moreover, elaborate advertisements can be a genuine art form.. For instance, there are always colorful and attractive scenes with witty words in the vast billboards on sides of roads or various posters presenting on shops' windows. Once we catch the sight of them, we not only obtain the information of the commodity but also gain the enjoyment of some creative and fancy art form.

Admittedly, some advertisements may carry negative effects due to the presence of vulgar and indecent contents. Companies tend to use the female body and amorous scenes as the main attraction of the advertisements particularly for the products such as wines, lingerie, and cosmetics . Nevertheless, a strict censorship on all mass media conducted by governments has effectively curbed the situation.

To sum up, I strongly believe that advertising is necessary as it notifies us of the newest shopping information and gives us artistic amusement.

--

写得不错，但是少少不完全扣题。

题目是advertisements are a waste of a company's money and time because consumers have known what they want to buy.

反驳的要点应该至少要扣一个在题目里给的原因上面，就是指明广告有用because customers do not always know what they want to buy.

文章现在有的论点，1 广告有很多有用的最新资讯，可以让顾客轻松赶上潮流 2 广告有艺术性 3 虽然对年轻人可能有些不好的影响但是有审查，算是可以说得过去但是比较擦边球。