作文求狠拍

ock11UID：2510283

你认为接下来20年汽车的使用会不会减少？2006 年10 月8 日 技术进步类

I think it is unlikely that the use of automobiles will decline after twenty years because of the following reasons.

First, many people are still willing to own an automobile due to its convenience and rapidity. As a transportation tool, cars are very convenient. When we are going to go shopping or visit a friend in a place that is not very near, cars can help us saving time. And we do not need to walk a long distance so that we can avoid a hard trudge. Compared with walking and bicycles, cars are faster. This can make our life more efficient.

Second, cars can also provide a comfortable life environment. Today, there are many pleasant features the cars can provide, such as the air-conditioning, the desirable space, the wonderful acoustic equipment and the modern communication tools. In the rigorous winter, people can sit in the warm car, enjoying the benefits of the modern science and technology, do not need to tremble in the chilliness. In addition, when people go out for camping, they can sleep in the car, reposing in a temporary snug “home”. Moreover, people can enjoy the melodious music when they are driving. Also, people can communicate with their family or friends with the mobile communication tools in the car. The car do has many advantages for people’s life.

Third, it is probable that the rapid economic development in the developing countries would bring great demand to automobiles. This would considerably increase the use of automobiles in the future. There is high-speed economic growth in some developing countries, such as China, India and Brazil. The growth would probably bring about stupendous demand for industrial and family automobiles. Businesses need more automobiles for quicker development; families require more automobiles for comfortable life and they can afford to buy cars owing to the income increasing. I think that it would be a trend that the cars will be more and more used in the future.

Although the other tools of transportation, airplanes or bicycles, etc, have their merits, I feel that the benefits of cars are hard to be replaced. Because of its convenience, rapidity and comfort, in addition to the high-speed economic growth of the developing countries, I think the cars will be used more rather than less after twenty years.

jackallen0714UID：2510951

首先看了看结构应该没问题~

这段最好展开点，废话也是很必要的，毕竟有字数要求
I think it is unlikely that the use of automobiles will decline after twenty years because of the following reasons.

First, many people are still willing to own an automobile due to its convenience and rapidity. As a transportation tool, cars are very convenient. 个人意见，和上句重复了When we are going to go shopping or visit a friend in a place that is not very near = distant, cars can help us saving time. And we do not need to walk a long distance so that we can avoid a hard trudge. Compared with walking and bicycles, cars are faster. This can make our life more efficient.

第二段说了car很comfortable，和数量没有直接联系。个人拙见：可以展开下，比如人们的钱很有限，通常大家都把有限的金钱花费到最有价值的地方，而car正好有……的优点，因此人们有钱时第一愿望买车，这可以再杜撰个数据,某某公司调查显示……
Second, cars can also provide a comfortable life environment. Today, there are many pleasant features the cars can provide, such as the air-conditioning, the desirable space, the wonderful acoustic equipment and the modern communication tools. In the rigorous winter, people can sit in the warm car, enjoying the benefits of the modern science and technology, do not need to tremble in the chilliness. In addition, when people go out for camping, they can sleep in the car, reposing in a temporary snug “home”. Moreover, people can enjoy the melodious music when they are driving. Also, people can communicate with their family or friends with the mobile communication tools in the car. The car do has many advantages for people’s life.

这段很切题
Third, it is probable that the rapid economic development in the developing countries would bring great demand to automobiles. This would considerably increase the use of automobiles in the future. There is high-speed economic growth in some developing countries, such as China, India and Brazil. The growth would probably bring about stupendous demand for industrial and family automobiles. Businesses need more automobiles for quicker development; families require more automobiles for comfortable life and they can afford to buy cars owing to the income increasing. I think that it would be a trend that the cars will be more and more used in the future.

Although the other tools of transportation, airplanes or bicycles, etc, have their merits, I feel that the benefits of cars are hard to be replaced. Because of its convenience, rapidity and comfort, in addition to the high-speed economic growth of the developing countries, I think the cars will be used more rather than less after twenty years.

mpromanusUID：2565872

I think it is unlikely that the use of automobiles will decline after twenty years because of the following reasons.(这是一个非常拗口的句型。完全可以直接说I think the use of automobiles is unlikely to decine in 20 years because... 老美喜欢看主动式，最好连绕口的复句都不要太多。另外这个开头有些太简洁了，简单描述一下现有的拥车状况作为lead-up也行）

Firstly, many people are still willing to own an automobile due to its convenience and rapidity(Isn't rapidity part of convenience? 汽车的方便之处基本上不就是比走路马车什么的快吗？可以改成...due to its convenience, primarily in its speed). As a transportation tool, cars are very convenient(跟前面一句重复). When we are going (动名词也会让句型拗口，需要才用) to go shopping or visit a friend in a distant place that is not very near (能用形容词的地方不要用分句), cars can help us save (同上，能用动词的地方不要用动名词) time. And (and/but是不应该放在句子起头的连词。如果要在句子起首用连词，改用更正式的furthermore/however) we do not need to walk a long distance so that we can avoid a hard trudge. Compared with walking and bicycles, cars are faster. This can make our life more efficient.

bbs.gter.netsV"^7L,R'Lr6N2e
Secondly, cars can also provide a comfortable life environment. Today, there are many pleasant features the cars can provide, such as the air-conditioning, the desirable space, the wonderful acoustic equipment and the modern communication tools. In a harsh winter, people can sit in the warm cars, enjoying the benefits of the modern science and technology, and do not need to tremble in the chilliness (chill. chilliness是一个意思完全不同的词）. (原文是典型的running sentence. 把原文中间的enjoying...拿掉一读就出来了。） In addition, when people go out for camping, they can sleep in the cars, reposing in a temporary snug “home”. Moreover, people can enjoy the melodious music when they are driving. Also, people can communicate with their family or friends with the mobile communication tools in the car. The car do has (does have. 注意这种用法的主谓相合) many advantages for (in) people’s lives. (and how do all these comfort factors contribute to the increasing use of automobiles? 楼上的评语已经很好地点出了这一点 - 切记作文的第一要点是随时切题)

(第二段有不少滥用the冠词现象。文字描述的是一般的，通用的汽车装备，而不是特定的一辆或者几辆车的功能。）

Thirdly, it is probable that the rapid economic development in the developing countries would bring great demand to (for或者of) automobiles. This would considerably increase the use of automobiles in the future. There is high-speed economic growth in some developing countries, such as China, India and Brazil. The growth would probably bring about stupendous demand for industrial and family automobiles. Businesses need more automobiles for quicker development; families require more automobiles for comfortable life and they can afford to buy cars owing to the income increasing (increasing income. 可以直接用名词组的地方也少用动名词). I think that it would be a trend that the cars will be more and more used in the future. (这段写得不错)

Although the other tools of transportation, like airplanes or bicycles, etc, have their merits, I feel that the benefits of cars are hard to be replaced (replace. 同开头的评语：少用被动式). Because of its convenience, rapidity (speed. rapidity不是用来形容汽车的词) and comfort, in addition to the high-speed economic growth of the developing countries, I think the cars will be used more rather than less after twenty years.

ock11UID：2510283

非常感谢两位的评判，评得非常准确，到位，都是我在写的时候就觉得别扭的地方，再次感谢两位。

dzwvc243UID：2535330

本来是拿楼主文章练盲打用的....
这个题目我也写过，不难
感觉楼主在detail的处理上真的不错，例子很详细，用词也很牛
缺点：第二段小语法不少，
        全文conveniece 出现多次，个人觉得是不是可以换个词代替......