COMMON小组11.3日作业----lizhenzhong

lizhenzhongUID: 2541611

11月3日

Teacher's ability to relate well with the students is more important than knowing the subject well.

In my opinion, although teacher’s ability to relate well with the students is by no means unimportant, knowing the discipline well has priority.

HanYu, one of the most honorable thinkers in ancient China, is a preeminent educator and a political figure, also the author of Analects once said that: Teachers are the persons who impart truth, teach students and clear up difficult questions”. As a teaching staff that hasn’t a wide knowledge about his subject in hand that will lead his students to get a half result with twice effort. At the same time, due to the professor can’t impact the key point in textbook directly, to learn the course seudents will also decline their interests rapidly,even though he is the person who is regarded as easygoing, mile-mannered or amiable.  

Additionally, teacher’s capability to handle his specialized field in depth is the predominant reason why these children’s guardians take their son or daughter to knowledge factory and hope them to learn it. As a proverb goes “a great teacher produces a brilliant student”. Therefore, an educational worker who can’t total understand or  lack of necessary preparation for his own teaching curriculum will direct influence the quality of lesson, the leadership in student’s heart, and the  status in the campus.

What’s more, with the development of science, more and more research results take the place of some deep-rooted thoughts, like Pluto is a Dwarf Planet instead of a planet in the up-to-date sphere of astronomy. Thus, teacher should obtain such as the latest information about his subject at all times and convey some  useful and recent knowledge to his students in the lesson instead of do good relationship with the students in the first instance. When these learners join in the significant exam (like university entrance examination), the key element which they can acquire the satisfied mark is their unremitting efforts and all the knowledge a teacher could give him.

To sum up, I emphasis, almost all of inspired students were trained by some knowledgeable teachers, so teacher's ability to know the subject well is unquestionable       more important than the former.

(第一次写托福文章，错误较多，忘大侠们不遗余力给予指点）

jackallen0714UID: 2510951

Teacher's ability to relate well with the students is more important than knowing the subject well.

很直白，但还是先稍稍展开下比较好吧
In my opinion, although teacher’s ability to relate well with the students is by no means unimportant, knowing the discipline well has its priority.

段首给个TS能让作文结构比较清晰
HanYu, one of the most honorable thinkers in ancient China, is a preeminent educator and a political figure, also the author of Analects once said that: Teachers are the persons who impart truth, teach students and clear up difficult questions”. As a teaching staff ？ that hasn’t a wide knowledge about his subject in hand that will lead his students to get a half result with twice effort这一句缺主语！. At the same time, due to the professor can’t impact the key point in textbook directly, to learn the course seudents will also decline 不及物动词 their interests rapidly,even though he is the person who is regarded as easygoing, mile-mannered？ or amiable.  

Additionally, teacher’s capability to handle his specialized field in depth 总觉得有些别扭 is the predominant reason why these children’s guardians take their son or daughter to knowledge factory有点chinglish的倾向 and hope them to learn it. As a proverb goes “a great teacher produces a brilliant student”. 上一句和下一句貌似没有因果关系Therefore, an educational worker who can’t total understand or  lack of necessary preparation for his own teaching curriculum will direct influence the quality of lesson, the leadership in student’s heart -> impression, and the status in the campus.

这一段结构比较乱，我没怎么看懂
What’s more, with the development of science, more and more research results 感觉可以去掉take the place of 取代？ some deep-rooted thoughts, like Pluto is a Dwarf Planet instead of a planet in the up-to-date sphere of astronomy. Thus, teacher should obtain such as the latest information about his subject at all times and convey some  useful and recentknowledge to his students in the lesson instead of do 和relationship不搭配 good relationship with the students in the first instance ？. When these learners join in the significant exam (like university entrance examination), the key element which they can acquire the satisfied mark is their unremitting efforts and all the knowledge a teacher could give him.

楼主的词汇很不错
结构和逻辑要注意
例子和观点有些脱离

lizhenzhongUID: 2541611

很感谢jackallen0714 兄弟的批改，本人才CET4的水平，居然被赞了一个词汇不错的评价，呵呵，头一次写托福文章，思路确实不太明确，属于写到哪里算哪里。不过还有4个月时间可以准备，希望其他兄弟如有好的建议或意见，能够给予小弟指点，不胜感激。

lizhenzhongUID: 2541611

第四段，我的观点是，老师需要时刻留意自己学科最新的研究成果，以便交给学生有关于这门课最前沿，最新最有用的知识。这比将同学搞好关系放在第一位来的更为重要，因为在同学考试的时候，老师授予的知识和学生自身努力往往是决定学生成绩是否理想的最主要的因素。（关心学生冷暖，给差生补习，上课幽默风趣，待人随和似乎都没有上课时，传输最权威的知识来的重要吧）我是这个思路，可能写出来和表达的意思有点差别，也不知道这个思路本身有没有缺陷。

Vicky2015UID: 2509133

绿色标出的是个人觉得写的不错的地方，兰色和红色标出的是个人感觉需要修改的地方。

In my opinion, although teacher’s ability to relate well with the students is by no means unimportant, knowing the discipline well has priority.（比较建议改成although relating well...., knowing....的结构。尽量平行。）

HanYu, one of the most honorable thinkers in ancient China, is a preeminent educator and a political figure, also the author of Analects once said that（这一句里有两个谓语，is 和said.应删去一个，或把is该为being或who was.）: Teachers are the persons(用people.persons一般用在极正式或法律的场合。在这里显得别扭。) who impart truth, teach students and clear up difficult questions”. As a teaching staff that hasn’t（在写作文的时候不建议写缩写） a wide knowledge about his subject in hand that（指代不清） will lead his students to get a half result with twice effort. At the same time, due to the professor can’t impact the key point in textbook directly, to learn the course seudents（students） will also decline their interests rapidly,even though he is the person who is regarded as easygoing, mile-mannered or amiable. (Also, though the professor is regarded easygoing, mile-mannered and amiable, his incompetence in stressing the main point will wane the students’ interest of the subject.尽量少用从句。能用名词性结构的建议不要用从句)

Additionally, teacher’s capability to handle（of handling,而且handle 在这里不合适） his specialized field in depth is the predominant reason why these children’s guardians take their son or daughter to knowledge factory and hope them to learn it. (Aditionally, whether the teachers can study their fields in depth will predominantly determine whether gardians will send their children to school to aquire knowledge.)As a proverb goes “a great teacher produces a brilliant student”. Therefore, an educational worker who can’t total understand or  lack of necessary preparation for his own teaching curriculum will direct influence the quality of lesson, the leadership in student’s heart, and the  status in the campus.(an educational worker’s lack of understanding and preparation of his work will directly decrease his teaching quality, leadership in student’s heart(这个leadership有点不当，professor并不是领导人，用esteem/respectof the students会好一些), and status in the campus)

What’s more, with the development of science, more and more (novel/new) research results take（has taken）the place of some deep(ly)-rooted thoughts, like Pluto is a Dwarf Planet instead of a planet in the up-to-date sphere(viewpoint.sphere 是领域，用在这里不恰当) of astronomy. Thus, teacher(s) should obtain (such as多余) the latest information about his subject at all times and convey some  useful and recent knowledge to his students （in the lesson） instead of do(ing) good relationship with the students in the first instance. When these learners join in the（a） significant exam (like university entrance examination), the key element which they can acquire the satisfied mark is their unremitting efforts and all the knowledge a teacher could give him(their teachers have given them).

To sum up, I emphasis, almost all of inspired students were trained by some knowledgeable teachers, so teacher's ability to know the subject well is unquestionable (and) more important than the former(这里要指代清楚).

个人感觉文章结构是明确的，develop的也不错，有细节，有例证。
词汇是不错的。但希望能够不要再把形容词当副词用。
句型结构还有待提高，语法还要好好学习。有些句子写的比较冗长，有点awkward,我自己凭感觉重写了一边，可以参考。
其实长句子不一定是好句子。长句子可以体现你驾御英语的能力，但完全不必通篇都是长句。句型有多样性会更好。从句不一定是最好的表达法，能用名词结构的不要用从句，能用简单句的不要用复杂句。这样显得你的思路更清晰。还有，写从句的时候不要老忘了that.

（最后抱歉一句，我可能专注于挑错了点，其实文中还有很多可取之处没有标出。。）

以上为个人意见，仅供参考。。。。。