[Dark-Tournament] 小组交第一次写作作业

qingxieUID: 2521360

Some people think that scientists make the most important contributions to the society.Other people think that the contributions of artists are the most important.Which position do you agree with?Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.



In the highly-developed and prosperous planet that we lived now, we have to revalue the contribution from both the scientists and the artists.

Some people thought the scientists, did make the most important contributions to the society. With these scientists, ancient people were convinced that the world we lived is round but not plain; With the development of the compass, people could  promote marine development, transportation by sea and finally discover the new continents; With the development of engine, the steam locomotives pave the way to connecting each continent to the contiguous one; With the scientists, the Industrial Revolution brought human kind a lot of new things, such as --the spinning jenny, the sewing machine and the type writer, and, thus changed our lives.But sometimes that science development provoked disaster. Such as War. The atomic bombings could decimate people brutely.

On the other hand, an artist may be defined as, "a person who expresses themselves through a medium”. If we had the chance to go to Rome, or the Louvre Museum, Paris, we would show admiration to such a group of people, exclaim those who create within a context of 'high culture’, such as drawing, painting, sculptures, acting, dancing, writing, filmmaking, photography, and music. A teacher of mine, she spends a day in the Louvre Museum, only enjoys a small fraction of the masterpieces over there. We could imagine,without the contribution of the architects, how could the skyscrapers erect? What would our lives be if we had lived in a world without the things mentioned above?We enjoy art,they nourish our lives.

Sometimes scientists give us a visible improvement to the productivity of a factory,a nation and thus to the the prosperity of the whole world, change our life from primitive way into superiority.While the artists, sometimes they did not bring into the development and the prosperity of the economy directly,their works,which are indispensible to a modern sociey.So when we highly praised the one side of the two above, we could not ignore another.

Because as they stands now, the two sides, actually are not in opposite sides, but integrated into whole, to make us live better toward a more better society.


欢迎批:)

qiulinUID: 2177292

In the highly-developed and prosperous planet that we lived now, we have to revalue the contribution from both the scientists and the artists.（感觉这一句可有可无）Some people thought the(此处无需加定冠词)scientists, （，去掉）did make the most important contributions to the society. With these scientists, ancient people were convinced that the world we lived（in） is （was）round but not plain; With the development（invention） of the compass, people could  promote marine development(此处不明白你想表达什么), transportation by sea and finally discover the new continents; With the development of engine, the steam locomotives pave the way to connecting each continent to the(the去掉) contiguous one(ones); With the scientists, the Industrial Revolution brought human kind a lot of new things, such as --（--不要）the spinning jenny, the sewing machine and the type writer, and, thus changed our lives. But sometimes that science development provoked disaster. Such as War. （disaster such as war.）The atomic bombings could decimate people brutely (brutally).

On the other hand, an artist may be defined as, "a person who expresses themselves through a medium”. If we had the chance to go to Rome, or the LouvreMuseum, （去掉，用in连接）Paris, we would show admiration to(不如直接用admire) such a group of people, exclaim those who create within a context of 'high culture’, such as drawing, painting, sculptures, acting, dancing, writing, filmmaking, photography, and music. A teacher of mine, she (去掉，she改为who) spends a day in the Louvre Museum, only enjoys a small fraction of the masterpieces over there. We could imagine,without the contribution of the architects, how could the skyscrapers （被动吧）erect? What would our lives be if we had lived in a world without the things mentioned above?We enjoy art,they(缺连词吧) nourish our lives. Sometimes scientists give us a visible improvement to the productivity of a factory,a nation and thus to the prosperity of the whole world, change our life from primitive way into superiority.While the artists, sometimes they did not bring into the development and the prosperity of the economy directly,t heir works, （不要，）which are indispensible to a （the）modern sociey. So when we highly praised the one side of the twoabove, we could not ignore another.
Because as they stands now, the two sides, actually are not in opposite sides, but integrated into (entity) whole, to make us live better toward a more better society.

总结：
优点：有支持细节，且和细节和主题关联很好，知识渊博
缺点：基本语病比较多，很多时候是单词拼错或者缺少连词，建议同学多写简单句，简单句写好了，复杂句也就更易懂了

mpromanusUID: 2565872

In the highly-developed and prosperous planet that we lived now (这样的语法问题在写的时候应该有些感觉吧。。?), we have to revalue the contribution from both the scientists and the artists.(破题很弱，重新审视科学家和艺术家的贡献和地球是不是高度发展有什么关系呢？托福的题目基本上属于‘为辩论而出的社会性问题’，按照题目的要求简单地描述一下科学家和艺术家都被认为有很大贡献就可以了，考官不会期望你像一个社会学专家上电视那样谈论问题，不需要这么努力地让作文有专业感现实感)

Some people thought think that the scientists, did make the most important contributions to the society. With Because of these scientists, ancient people were convinced that the world we they lived in (科学家告诉古代人*我们*住的世界是圆的。。好厉害的时空穿梭撒) is was round but and not plain flat; With the development of the compass, people could  promote marine development,transportation by sea traverse the seas with greater safety, explore more distant lands and finally discover the new continents (罗盘的出现主要是提高了导航能力，船只从此可以冲出地中海，进行前所未闻的长途航行。海事和造船技术的进步是在跨洋长途航行成为可能之后对于船只的能力产生了新的要求才出现的事情，跟罗盘的关系算是比较间接的); With the development of the steam engine, the steam locomotives paved the ways to connecting each continents into the contiguous ones (联合大陆至少有欧亚非和美洲大陆两大块); With the scientists, the Industrial Revolution brought human kind a lot of new things, such as the spinning jenny (从技术角度来说，珍妮机是一个工业革命的前瞻发明，还不能算是真正的工业革命 - 因为这个机器还是可以家用的，不需要大型工厂操作，当时使用这种机器的纺织业也就大部分还停留在传统家庭作坊性质的手工业，而不是工厂性质的制造业 - 不过当然托福考官不会管这个的，lz你写得不错，我说的这些看着玩就行), the sewing machine and the typewriter, and, thus changed our lives. But sometimes that science development provoked disasters. such as war. and the atomic bomb,ings which could brutally decimate people brutely.

On the other hand, an artist may be defined as, "a person who expresses themselves through a medium”. If we had the chance to go to Rome, or the Louvre Museum, in Paris, we would show admiration to admire such a group of people, exclaim at those who create within a the context of 'high refined culture’, such as drawing,painting, sculptures, acting, dancing, writing, film-making,photography, and music. A teacher of mine, she spent a day in the Louvre Museum, only to enjoys a small fraction of the masterpieces over there. We could not imagine, how skyscrapers were built without the contribution of the architects.(技术上来说，建筑师不仅是艺术家，更需要是科学家。Again, I advise against using engineering-related examples for this essay, because engineering often tends to cross between science and art), how could the skyscrapers erect? What would our lives be if we had lived in a world without the things mentioned above? We enjoy art: they nourish our lives.

Sometimes scientists give us a visible improvement to the productivity of a factory, a nation and thus to the the prosperity of the whole world.,They change our life from primitive way into superiority.While On the other hand, the artists,sometimes they do not bring contribute into the development and the prosperity of the economy directly with,their works,which are indispensable to a modern society.So when we highly praised the one side of the two above, we could not ignore another the other.

Because as they stands now, the two sides, actually are not in opposite sides, but integrated into whole, to make us live better toward a more better society.(这句完全不知所云而且不完整。I think you mean to say something like 'Since scientists and artists are not opposite entities but both integrated parts of our society, they are both here to make our lives and our society better.'

总结:

1. 举例很好，逻辑总结很弱。请复习基本的复句表述法。

2. 问题是Which position do you agree with, 结果你两边是都同意又都不完全同意。在GRE这个策略也许会很成功，在TOEFL这个策略搞不好会让考官认为你看不懂题。（这个问题已经有这么多人骑墙了，大家真的很害怕得罪人吗？问题的前提可是the most important contributions，最重要的贡献，所以反对哪一边都只是需要说对方贡献很大但不是最重要，而不是说对方完全没贡献 - 所以完全不存在歧视谁的问题。。尽管放心大胆选边站好啦。。)

阿泰UID: 209473

新东方对学生的范文进行过统计，基本上骑墙的写作方法，能成功的，100人也就8个，不到百分之十八

那个什么纺纱机和火车的，真挑战自己