comeon小组 dreamslink11.7作业求批

dreamslinkUID：2567006

各位大虾看看我能得多少分数吧 谢谢 因为11.23就考试了，心里没底谢谢大家了
There are many stages in our lives,and in every one you could get  reliable friends.When you come in to a dilemma in the way of your life,you could come to them and get help.However,the issue that whose suggestion is more valuable to you,the ones which comes from the older friends or those of the friends of our own age is a meaningful and contentious since different people hold the different viewson it not only because of their respective backgrounds but also due to their alien understanding.The complex issue promots me to consider it on a case-by-case basis.The reasons for my supportion are presented as follows.
In one special situation, the advices from your same-age friends are premier ones to you since they may have a similar question like yours,and then you could listen to their point of view which you never think about.For instance, when you get confused in your study,you could turn to you classmates for help because you have the same class with divergent understanding.Their ideas may inspire the solution to your problem or you could disscuss it together.When you take their suggetions,there may be several benefits to you.One of them is that it could not only help you deal with the dilemma,but also enhance your friendship.
However,when you face a situation you have never meet in your daily life,I posit that it is sagacious to follow the advice of your older friends.The reasons for my propensity not only include that the friends who are older than you have much more experienct than you,but also contain that if you could get some suggestion from them you could make less mistake.When I entered the college in 2006,I am so confused about my future in the university.Fortuantly,a sophoemore gave me so many advice which make me more optimistic to my life.
In a nutshell,I think which side should you follow must be considered on the special circumustance.

[ 本帖最后由 dreamslink 于 2008-11-6 21:15 编辑 ]

dreamslinkUID：2567006

题目：Getting advice from the older friends is more valuable than getting advice from friends at your age.

dreamslinkUID：2567006

自己顶一下:)

dreamslinkUID：2567006

怎么没人帮我？？:confused:

ammyanaUID：2529083

There are many stages in our lives,and in every one you could get  reliable friends.When you come in to a dilemma in the way of your life,you could come to them and get help.（However,the issue that whose suggestion is more valuable to you,the ones which comes from the older friends or those of the friends of our own age is a meaningful and contentious since different people hold the different viewson it not only because of their respective backgrounds but also due to their alien understanding.）这句有点冗长，不如拆开一下。句子过长也不是一件好事。The complex issue promots me to consider it on a case-by-case basis.The reasons for my supportion opinion are presented as follows.寄托家园7c
jR*N1F"G
In one special situation, the advices from your same-age friends are premier ones to you since they may have a similar question like yours,and then you could listen to their point of view which you never think about.For instance, when you get confused in your study,you could turn to you classmates for help because you have the same class with divergent understanding.Their ideas may inspire the solution to your problem or you could disscuss it together.When you take their suggetions,there may be several benefits to you.One of them is that it could not only help you deal with the dilemma,but also enhance your friendship.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA4p;k~L!yj
However,when you face a situation you have never meet in your daily life,I posit that it is sagacious to follow the advice of your older friends.The reasons for my propensity not only include that the friends who are older than you have much more experienct than you,but also contain that if you could get some suggestion from them you could make less mistake.When I entered the college in 2006,I am so confused about my future in the university.Fortuantly,a sophoemore gave me so many advices which make me more optimistic to my life.
In a nutshell,I think which side should you follow must be considered on the special circumustance.+d,vqq-[y-s3z_7\+_
楼主是不是已经考过g 了？
呵呵，总体都不错啊，结构思路什么的都没太大问题。小错误考试的时候注意下就好了。向你学习！！

dreamslinkUID：2567006

没考呢还，11月23号考~~谢谢你的评价 给我很大信心 谢谢谢谢谢谢谢谢~~

mpromanusUID：2565872

There are many stages in our lives,and in every one stage (的确读者可以猜出这个one指的是stage而不是life，但是托福追求的是要让读者只是读而不用过多思考就能完全明白作者的意思，请尽力避免可能的歧义) you could get reliable friends.When you come in to a dilemma in the way course of your life,you could come go (请小心come和go的不同) to them and get help.However,the issue that whose suggestion is more valuable to you, whether it's the ones which comes from the older friends or those of the friends of our (you和our交叉的后果就是人称混乱) own age, is a meaningful and contentious, since different people hold the different views on it, not only because of their respective backgrounds but also due to their alien (没看懂这个词用在这里是什么意思，俺猜你的意思是'dramatically different') understandings.(这句话的长度生生把俺雷住了。。虽然尽力试图在不改变原句型的基础上给分了句，但还是太绕了，建议直接拆成数个短句)This complex issue promotes me to consider it on a case-by-case basis.The reasons for my supportion opinion are presented as follows. (托福作文跟GRE很不同的地方就是按照托福出题的通常路子，题目是会要求你同意一边的，但是你给出的题目好像并不完整，所以无法置评。请小心读题。如果题目有指明'Which opinion do you agree with'这类的问句，最好明确地站一边，不要骑墙。如果题目指明选边你还骑墙，考官通常不会觉得你很公正客观，反而有可能觉得你没看题目。)

In one special situation, the advices from your same-age friends are premier ones to you since they may have a similar question like yours,and then (and then是典型的口语用法，写作中请避免) you could listen to their points of view which you may never think about. (I don't quite get the logic here. How does 'have a similar question' enable one to raise' points of view which you may never think about'? Unless you explicitly say 'because they have the same question, they may have already thought about it from different perspectives', I can't see a direct link in your logic. Again, don't make your reader guess at your meaning. Your examiners won't have the time or mood to do so.) For instance, when you get confused in your studies,you could turn to you classmates for help because you have attend the same class with divergent understandings.Their ideas may inspire the solution to your problem or you could disscuss it together.When you take their suggetions,there may be several benefits to you.One of them is that it could not only help you deal with the dilemma,but also enhance your friendship.

However,when you face a situation you have never meet in your daily life,I posit that it is sagacious to follow the advice of your older friends.The reasons for my propensity (这是我开始改作文第二次看到posit, sagacious和the reasons for my propensity, 考虑到现在我也只不过改了十几篇还有考官每天要改多少篇，这个出现频率实在太高了，知道是模板，会扣印象分哦) not only include that the friends who are older than you have much more experience than you,but also contain that if you could get some suggestions from them you could make less fewer mistakes.When I entered the college in 2006,I am so confused about my future in the university.Fortuantly,a sophoemore (这也是我第二次看到sophomore被用然后被拼错..) gave me so many advices which make me more optimistic to about my life. (Okay, your point here is advices from older friends enable you to 'make fewer mistakes', so where is the 'fewer mistakes' part in your example? 不跟论点有直接明显一眼就看得出的关系的例子不是好例子)

In a nutshell,I think which side should you follow must be considered on the special circumustance.

总结:

如5楼所说，如果题目没有明确要求站一边，那么结构思路都没有大问题。最大的问题还是来自于说理上的不严密，需要不时问问自己：我写这句话这个例子是想要说明我的论点的哪个部分？如果你自己都不能指出哪个例子直接对应说明哪个论点的哪一部分，那么只有很短的时间读每篇文章的考官更没什么希望，而且他们看不明白也是不会花时间去猜的，直接判定为connection of ideas is lost。所以依旧是那句老话，托福作文说理追求清晰明白，不追求高深全面政治正确，要让读者不费什么脑子就明白你在说什么和为什么这么说。