issue130[ff小组]第二次作业——by槲寄生

槲寄生UID: 2429308

这篇不要了，直接看四楼吧

130. How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how raise children who can help us bring a better society.

提纲：
1.       社会化的概念和重要性，所以要重视。
2.       非智力因素比智力因素重要，坚定，目标明确善于抓住机会的人更容易成功，所以要开发。
3.       很多因素很多不好的因素不利于儿童社会化，要消除。但是要让儿童正常地参与社会。
4.       只有有知识和社会化成功的人才是有利于社会的。在学习的过程中社会化。
5.       要平衡多方面，让儿童成为有用之人。

The process of growth is a process of socialization. It is provides children a skill and habit necessary for participating and acting within the society. Proper guidance and education lead a child become a decent and useful adult, in contrast, failure raise not only harm the individual, but also may deteriorate the society. Therefore, for us learn how to raise children is a significant issue.

First of all, some parents concede socialization pay significant role in children life, but they still draw more attention to children’s intelligence explore and academic performance unconsciously or subconsciously. They careless about youth’s personality, consider intellectual education rather than good characteristics is the essential lead to achievement. In fact, it is not true. On the one hand, what is the prerequisite of supreme academic performance? The intelligence factor is certainly important, but the non-intelligence is more curial. Unique non-intelligence could strengthen intelligence, vice versa. On the other hand, even a child is a inferior intelligence, but he or she is a indomitable with a clear goal, a good communication，who can fetch opportunity, maybe this child could gain more accomplishment than the smart one. Therefore parents and teachers should apply appropriate measure influence young people’s self-concept, emotion, attitude and behavior.

Furthermore, Socialization, it is begin with the children birth, then progress, by impact on every aspect from parents, peers and strangers, shape youth's, attitude, action and normal with unawareness. currently, thriving media market make pornography and violence more accessibly, the heavy pressure force parents struggle for life, leaving little time to care of their offspring, the internet provide virtual world make children abandon their academic programs, and the distort adults make children terrifying and scaring. All mentioned above impediment to child‘s development. In order to cultivate young people developing full personality, we adult should make afford to eliminate the evil part of the society and regulate our behavior appropriate to follow. However, we merely expect to create a considerable fine world rather than a utopia, participating normal activity and communication is an integral part of socialization. After all, unless the tough experience, the child never become mature and sophisticate, whereas, the over attention result in kids are similar as a flower grow in green-house, never become a gigantic tree.

Nevertheless, academic knowledge other necessary element benefits our society; consider the convenience brought by modern invention, which is not due to science and technology advance? Actually, it is socialization that students discuss the problem with each other, debate for seek a better solution, and help each other in the process. It is improve their communication skill and spirit of team work

To sum up, socialization is a complex issue that involved in family, education, and other factor, we adults should balance all elements; explore a practical method to raise our children. And as far as the people have both unique socialization degree and academic knowledge will contribute to our society.


写的很郁闷，因为一开始把socialization的概念搞错了，查了wiki似乎明白点了，但还是晕
其实我到现在也不明白包不包括formal education

[ 本帖最后由 槲寄生 于 2008-11-10 23:12 编辑 ]

叫我浅浅UID: 2414823

提纲：
1.       社会化的概念和重要性，所以要重视。
2.       非智力因素比智力因素重要，坚定，目标明确善于抓住机会的人更容易成功，所以要开发。
3.       很多因素很多不好的因素不利于儿童社会化，要消除。但是要让儿童正常地参与社会。
4.       只有有知识和社会化成功的人才是有利于社会的。在学习的过程中社会化。
5.       要平衡多方面，让儿童成为有用之人。

The process of growth is a process of socialization. （这样的assertion是不是武断了点。）It is provides（两个verb） children a skill and habit necessary for participating and acting within the society. Proper guidance and education lead a child to become a decent and useful adult, in contrast, failure raise not only harm the individual, but also may deteriorate the society. Therefore, for us to learn how to raise children is a significant issue.

First of all, some parents concede socialization pay significant role in children‘s life, but（这里应该不是转折关系吧， what's more） they still draw more attention to children’s intelligence explore（exploration） and academic performance unconsciously or subconsciously（用unconsiciously就够了）. They careless about youth’s personality, considering intellectual education rather than good characteristics is the essential lead to achievement. In fact, it is not true. On the one hand, what is the prerequisite of supreme academic performance? The intelligence factor is certainly important, but the non-intelligence is more curial. Unique non-intelligence could strengthen intelligence, vice versa. On the other hand, even （用假设关系）a child is a inferior intelligence, but he or she is a indomitable with a clear goal, a good communication，who can fetch opportunity, maybe this child could gain more accomplishment than the smart one. Therefore parents and teachers should apply appropriate measure to influence young people’s self-concept, emotion, attitude and behavior.

Furthermore, Socialization, it is begin with the children birth, then progress, by impact on every aspect from parents, peers and strangers, shape youth's, attitude, action and normal with unawareness. currently, thriving media market make pornography and violence more accessibly, the heavy pressure force parents struggle for life, leaving little time to care of their offspring, the internet provide virtual world make children abandon their academic programs, and the distort adults make children terrifying and scaring.（这句话的主语到底是什么？thriving media market ？parents？the internet？） All mentioned above impediment（n做v是不行滴） to child‘s development. In order to cultivate young people developing full personality, we adult should make afford to eliminate the evil part of the society and regulate our behavior appropriate to follow. However, we merely expect to create a considerable fine world rather than a utopia, participating normal activity and communication is an integral part of socialization. After all, unless the tough experience, the child never become mature and sophisticate, whereas, the over attention result in kids are similar as a flower grow in green-house, never become a gigantic tree.

Nevertheless, academic knowledge and other necessary element benefits our society; consider the convenience brought by modern invention, which is not due to science and technology advance? Actually, it is socialization that students discuss the problem with each other, debate for seek a better solution, and help each other in the process. It is improve their communication skill and spirit of team work

To sum up, socialization is a complex issue that involved in family, education, and other factor, we adults should balance all elements; explore a practical method to raise our children. And as far as the people have both unique socialization degree and academic knowledge will contribute to our society.

句子有很多语法错误，你自己再好好改改吧。有问题再互相讨论哈。

caomoqianqianUID: 2542112

感谢一下蜗牛对ARGUMENT的照顾:handshake ，issue也谢谢了，不好意思，多交流

[ 本帖最后由 caomoqianqian 于 2008-11-10 13:36 编辑 ]

槲寄生UID: 2429308

130. How children are socialized today determined the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

Children will determine the destiny of society as adults dominate modern world, when they grow up, they will take on responsibility to bring a better society, but do they have ability to do so?  It depends on the degree of they socialization and academic knowledge. We have already paid adequate attention to formal education, but to the socialization, we seldom given a glance.

First of all, in this complex and perplexed era, people hardly gain achievement by their own, the fierce competition and challenge call for professional and their cooperation. And that is why almost all Noble Prizes grant to 2 or 3, even 4 scientists at the same time in recent years. The extent and profound of the knowledge in today cannot be compared by before. And when those academic knowledge left laboratory applied to practice allowed quantity production turned to available, whereas, it need workers from all branch factories and assemble lines make efforts together. Apparently, abundance material brings about better society, and our abundance material life is result in mass production. This process relate to professional knowledge, compromise, team work spirit, and so forth. Therefore unless well-socialized and educated youths can bring about a better society.

Nevertheless, the situation of children' socialization is not optimistic. Our parents and teacher concede that socialization plays a significant role in children's entirely life, what is more, they still unconsciously focus more on their academic performance. Actually even a child is an inferior intelligence, but he or she is an indomitable with a clear goal and a good communication, who can fetch opportunity, maybe this child could gain more accomplishment than the smart one. Furthermore, thriving media industry brings pornography and violence more accessibly to adolescence. Children may imitate such behavior even result in throw them into the jail by subject to internet or television. Plus, the media is so prosperous that make self-controlless child too indulged in to do their homework, even infect with elec-drug such as online game, refuse interact others. In addition, heave pressure force parents struggle for life, living little time look after their children, especially children’s non-intelligence instruction.  In order to cultivate young people to be a full personality, we adults should make afford to eliminate the evil part of the society and regulate our behavior appropriate to follow.

however, eliminate evil part of the society is not mean to create a utopia to foster children, because participate normal  activity and communication is a integral part of socialization, after all, without a tough experience a child never become a mature, sophisticate and responsible man. Child who involved in over attention is similar like a flower grows in a green-house, will never become a gigantic tree.

To sum up, we held responsible for raise children to be an informed and well-socialized who can contribute to better society, since they regard as future of our society. In order to achieve this objective, we should guide them walk on a right path, and follow proper and appropriate principle in this process.

首先，谢谢浅浅的批改
语法确实是我的弱项，我一直觉得自己写的时候是全凭语感的，觉得顺就成了
可是问题是自己的语感也不成
再加上那天写的时候根本拿不准题目的意思，所以写的很纠结

刚刚晚上赶了篇出来
先贴出来，
等批啊

[ 本帖最后由 槲寄生 于 2008-11-10 22:55 编辑 ]

felipsUID: 2473490

Children will determine the destiny of society as adults dominate modern world, when they grow up, they will take on responsibility to bring a better society, but do they have ability to do so? (raising question, good) It depends on the degree of they socialization and academic knowledge (the latter seems unnecessary, since it will distract audience's attention on the main topic). We have already paid adequate attention to formal education, but to the socialization, we seldom given a glance.

First of all, in this complex and perplexed era, people hardly gain achievement (unconventional way of expression) by their own, the fierce competition and challenge call for professional and their cooperation. And that is why almost all Noble Prizes grant to 2 or 3, even 4 scientists at the same time in recent years (good example, support the necessity of cooperation). The extent and profound (adj.?) of the knowledge in today cannot be compared by before (try to express the idea in another way). And when those academic knowledge left laboratory applied to practice allowed quantity production turned to available, whereas, it need workers from all branch factories and assemble lines make efforts together. Apparently, abundance material brings about better society (do you think so?), and our abundance material life is result in (of?) mass production. This process relate to professional knowledge, compromise, team work spirit, and so forth. Therefore unless well-socialized and educated youths can bring about a better society. (I was confused after reading this paragraph: why socialization important? there is no explicit definition of socialization? academic knowledge and sense of cooperation is important, I know, but you have to make it clear and then it can support you idea)

Nevertheless, the situation of children' socialization is not optimistic (good transition). Our parents and teacher(s) concede that socialization plays a significant role in children's entirely life, what is more, they still unconsciously focus more on their academic performance. Actually even a child is an inferior intelligence, but he or she is an indomitable with a clear goal and a good communication, who can fetch opportunity, maybe this child could gain more accomplishment than the smart one (I am confused again, you're talking about socialization, not to compare academic training and socialization, maybe you need a better understanding of socialization). Furthermore, thriving media industry brings pornography and violence more accessibly to adolescence. Children may imitate such behavior even result in throw them into the jail by subject to internet or television (this is a strong support of the claim that "we have not learn how to socialize our children..."). Plus, the media is so prosperous that make self-controlless child too indulged in to do their homework, even infect with elec-drug such as online game, refuse interact others. In addition, heave pressure force parents struggle for life, living little time look after their children, especially children’s non-intelligence instruction (what's the effect of such behaviors of our parents? if you can give some explanation, it would be much better).  In order to cultivate young people to be a full personality, we adults should make afford to eliminate the evil part of the society and regulate our behavior appropriate to follow.

however, eliminate evil part of the society is not mean to create a utopia to foster children, because participate normal  activity and communication is a integral part of socialization, after all, without a tough experience a child never become a mature, sophisticate and responsible man. Child who involved in over attention is similar like a flower grows in a green-house, will never become a gigantic tree. (good, this section make your suggestion more objective and practical)

To sum up, we held responsible for raise children to be an informed and well-socialized who can contribute to better society, since they regard as future of our society. In order to achieve this objective, we should guide them walk on a right path, and follow proper and appropriate principle in this process.

the biggest problem is logic and usage of word, and you sometimes make the readers confused by giving them confusing sentences.
On overviewing the whole article, I found that the point seem dispersed, i.e. there is no a central point, for example, you sometime compared
academic knowledge with socialization, yet they're not in contradictory position, instead, they're the content of socialization.

I suggest that you take a look at those tutorials in this bbs, they're helpful indeed!

and try wikipedia, it can tell you many things, including what's socialization.

GenevUID: 2543794

Here sth in support of felips:

Agents of Socialization
2.        Education. Education is the agency responsible for socializing groups of young people in particular skills and values in society.

Academic knowledge is imparting of skills for social life - part of socialization process.

槲寄生UID: 2429308

I know that education is a part of socialization，but my mean is: sometimes parents and teacher too concentrate on academic proformance to ingor students' personality developmet. This will impede a child have healthy character.

I fail to express clearly in my essay.

不过，真的不能从这个角度考虑么?

[ 本帖最后由 槲寄生 于 2008-11-14 00:35 编辑 ]

felipsUID: 2473490

感觉这样有点跑题吧，题目是要你讨论socilization of children determines the destiny of our society这个论题是否成立，接着再讨论我们是否已经学会怎么socialize children。典型的1+1题目。