issue130 [FF小组]第二次作业---by darlyxp

darlyxpUID: 2196136

修改稿见#3楼,有小改动

题目：ISSUE 130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
字数：469          用时：2:00:47          日期：2008-11-7 05:02

I do not agree that the destiny of society depends entirely on how children are socialized. Moreover, before defining "what is a better society", I also disagree with the claim that we have not learned how to raise children in order to construct a better society.

Admittedly, children socialization is crucial for each nation all over the world. I concede that if children who living in a given country were not well socialized, there would many social problems be occurred in turn. Consider, for example, the juvenile delinquencies. A high rate of divorce directly leads to a dim consequence that an increasing number of children cannot receive a good parental education. Lacking of home regulation, these children, in turn, may wander in the street everyday and be influenced by many unhealthy behaviors such as lying, stealing, robbing and so forth and therefore possibly become juvenile delinquents. Consequently, a society will be jeopardized by a series of juvenile delinquencies. This example tells us that healthy children socialization is not only a crucial factor in the children growth but also a vital situation to the development of societies.

However, socialization is not the mere element influencing the situation to which a social member finally contributes to a better society. And, in my view, it may not the most important one. Consider an outstanding leader who has greatly contributes to a better society. Mao Tse-Tung, rose from the peasantry to become the preeminent leader of the People's Republic of China, deserved sole credit for changing that destiny of an entire nation --- China. Reviewing Mao's lifetime, his contributions were primarily the result of his strong national faith, which had more to do with his inward conviction than with socialization.

In addition, whether we have learned how to raise children to construct a better society depends mainly on how we to make a definition of " a better society ". If we define "a better society" as one characterized by better cooperation among countries, better open-mindedness of different viewpoints and complexions, then the children of the recent half century are creating a better society. Consider, for example, the hot spot issue of international cooperation. The economic crisis of 2008, including global inflations and substantial credit crisis, urges the majority of countries to adopt multi-national cooperation to deal with many thorny problems. Consider next the 2008 presidential campaign in the United States. Barack Hussein Obama becomes the first African American president regardless of his black complexion. These two examples prove the fact that the children are bringing about a better society in the conception of making nations more cooperative and more fairly human beings who posse different complexions.

To sum up, the fate of society is determined, partly by, but not restrict to, how well children are socialized. And, to some extent, we have established a better society.

提纲: 按照seven_teen牛前辈的方法,完全照搬北美的思想
1.提出个人观点: 不同意:社会的命运完全取决于儿童的社会化程度.也不同意:我们还不知道如何培养孩子.
2.儿童社会化的重要性.举例,青少年犯罪问题
3.然而,儿童社会化并不是唯一的因素.举例:毛主席(有点捏造,不知道可不可以捏名人?)
4.我们是否知道如何去培养能带一个更好的社会的孩子,这取决于我们"a better society"的定义. 举例2008经济危机,2008美国总统大选.
5.总结

[ 本帖最后由 darlyxp 于 2008-11-7 20:27 编辑 ]

oyhdUID: 2490181

题目：ISSUE 130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
字数：469          用时：2:00:47          日期：2008-11-7 05:02

I do not agree that the destiny of society depends entirely on how children are socialized. Moreover, before defining "what is a better society", I also disagree with the claim that we have not learned how to raise children in order to construct a better society.

Admittedly, children socialization is crucial for each nation all over the world. I concede that if children who living in a given country were not well socialized, there would many social problems be occurred in turn. Consider, for example, the juvenile delinquencies. A high rate of divorce directly leads to a dim consequence that an increasing number of children cannot receive a good parental education. Lacking of home regulation, these children, in turn, may wander in the street everyday and be influenced by many unhealthy behaviors such as lying, stealing, robbing and so forth and therefore possibly become juvenile delinquents. Consequently, a society will be jeopardized by a series of juvenile delinquencies. This example tells us that healthy children socialization is not only a crucial factor in the children growth but also a vital situation to the development of societies.

However, socialization is not the mere element influencing the situation to which a social member finally contributes to a better society. And, in my view, it may not the most important one. Consider an outstanding leader who has greatly contributes to a better society. Mao Tse-Tung, rose from the peasantry to become the preeminent leader of the People's Republic of China, deserved sole credit for changing that destiny of an entire nation --- China. Reviewing Mao's lifetime, his contributions were primarily the result of his strong national faith, which had more to do with his inward conviction than with socialization.

In addition, whether we have learned how to raise children to construct a better society depends mainly on how we to make a definition of " a better society ". If we define "a better society" as one characterized by better cooperation among countries, better open-mindedness of different viewpoints and complexions, then the children of the recent half century are creating a better society. Consider, for example, the hot spot issue of international cooperation. The economic crisis of 2008, including global inflations and substantial credit crisis, urges the majority of countries to adopt multi-national cooperation to deal with many thorny problems. Consider next the 2008 presidential campaign in the United States. Barack Hussein Obama becomes the first African American president regardless of his black complexion. These two examples prove the fact that the children are bringing about a better society in the conception of making nations more cooperative and more fairly human beings who posse different complexions.

To sum up, the fate of society is determined, partly by, but not restrict to, how well children are socialized. And, to some extent, we have established a better society.


我觉得你可以先把SOCIALIZAE定义一下,没有明确的概念你的一些论证不是很有说服力the result of his strong national faith, which had more to do with his inward conviction than with socialization.为什么能得到这样的结论?你并没有区别FAITH和SOCIALIZE,而是直接说出结论.缺乏深入的论证.
还有你关于BETTER SOCIETY的论述,你说了社会在合作方面有进步,但你没有去论证我们是如何教育孩子合作的.你论证出的结论是孩子带来了BETTER SCOIETY,而不是我们可以教会孩子带来BETTER SCOIETY.我感觉论证的有些偏了.
老实说,这篇的确不好写,尤其是SOCIALIZE不好定义,字典上的定义有几个.所以如果把范围限定在一个定义内,应该会比较好写.
水平有限,改的不是很好楼主不要生气.;d:

darlyxpUID: 2196136

修改稿第一稿

I do not agree that the destiny of society depends entirely on how children are socialized. Moreover, before defining "what is a better society", I also disagree with the claim that we have not learned how to raise children in order to construct a better society.

Admittedly, children socialization is crucial for each nation all over the world. I concede that if children who living in a given country were not well socialized, there would many social problems be occurred in turn. Consider, for example, the juvenile delinquencies. A high divorce rate directly leads to a dim consequence that an increasing number of children cannot receive a good parental education. Lacking of home regulation, these children, in turn, may wander in the street everyday and be influenced by many unhealthy behaviors such as lying, stealing, robbing and so forth and therefore possibly become juvenile delinquents. Consequently, a society will be jeopardized by a series of juvenile delinquencies. This example tells us that healthy children socialization is not only a crucial factor of the children growth but also a vital measure to the development of societies.

However, socialization is not the mere element influencing the situation to which a social member finally contributes to a better society. And, in my view, it may not the most important one. Consider an outstanding leader who has great contributes to a better society. Mao Tse-Tung, rose from the Chinese peasantry to become the preeminent leader of the People's Republic of China, deserved sole credit for changing the destiny of an entire nation --- China. [破折号怎么用啊?] Reviewing Mao's lifetime, his contributions were primarily the result of his inner intelligent and strong national faith, which had more to do with his inward conviction than with socialization.

In addition, whether we have learned how to raise children to construct a better society depends mainly on how to make a definition of " a better society ". [引号怎么用啊?这句话在word里总是绿的,有谁帮帮忙啊~~] If we define "a better society" as one characterized by better cooperation among countries, better open-mindedness of different viewpoints and complexions, then the children of the recent half century are creating a better society. Consider, for example, the hot spot issue of international cooperation. The economic crisis of 2008, including global inflations and substantial credit crisis, urges the majority of countries to adopt multi-national cooperation to deal with these thorny problems. Consider next the 2008 presidential campaign in the United States. Barack Hussein Obama becomes the first African American president regardless of his black complexion. These two examples clarify the fact that the children are bringing about a better society in the conception of making nations more cooperative and treating more equally human beings with different complexions.

To sum up, the fate of society is determined partly by, but not limited to, how well children are socialized. And, to some extent, we have established a better society.

提纲: 按照seven_teen牛前辈的方法,完全照搬北美的思想
1.提出个人观点: 不同意:社会的命运完全取决于儿童的社会化程度.也不同意:我们还不知道如何培养孩子.
2.儿童社会化的重要性.举例,青少年犯罪问题
3.然而,儿童社会化并不是唯一的因素.举例:毛主席(有点捏造,不知道可不可以捏名人?)
4.我们是否知道如何去培养能带一个更好的社会的孩子,这取决于我们"a better society"的定义. 举例2008经济危机,2008美国总统大选.
5.总结

[ 本帖最后由 darlyxp 于 2008-11-7 20:25 编辑 ]

darlyxpUID: 2196136

原帖由 oyhd 于 2008-11-7 11:26 发表
我觉得你可以先把SOCIALIZAE定义一下,没有明确的概念你的一些论证不是很有说服力

1. 把socialize定义一下,这个建议很好. 可是我不知道如何表达出来,我还是找找wiki吧.

原帖由 oyhd 于 2008-11-7 11:26 发表
the result of his strong national faith, which had more to do with his inward conviction than with socialization.为什么能得到这样的结论?你并没有区别FAITH和SOCIALIZE,而是直接说出结论.缺乏深入的论证.

2.这句完全是依照seven_teen前辈的方法,仿北美写的. 我的意思是:主要来自毛内心的民族信仰,后面的从句说的是faith更多地与他内心的坚定不移的信念有关,相比于socialization来说.

原帖由 oyhd 于 2008-11-7 11:26 发表
还有你关于BETTER SOCIETY的论述,你说了社会在合作方面有进步,但你没有去论证我们是如何教育孩子合作的.你论证出的结论是孩子带来了BETTER SCOIETY,而不是我们可以教会孩子带来BETTER SCOIETY.我感觉论证的有些偏了.

3.这一段的结果也是来源于2的方法. 我觉得,既然孩子都已经带来了a better society,就说明了孩子已经well socialized了,这当然就跟raise的过程有关了.这一点你倒提醒得很好,我再看了一遍北美以后,发现作者在写Rooselvet例子的时候倒是写得很详细,展开得很充分.

原帖由 oyhd 于 2008-11-7 11:26 发表
老实说,这篇的确不好写,尤其是SOCIALIZE不好定义,字典上的定义有几个.所以如果把范围限定在一个定义内,应该会比较好写.水平有限,改的不是很好楼主不要生气.;d:

4.有强烈同感,这篇文章真的很难.我事先在网上大肆搜索了一下社会化是什么东西.才理解了题目.
5.你的建议很宝贵,改作文就应该是这样的吧.我很感谢你的建议,根本不会生气的. 至于水平,我比你差远了...实在是惭愧!

[ 本帖最后由 darlyxp 于 2008-11-7 20:20 编辑 ]

linsophiaUID: 2472735

I do not agree that the destiny of society depends entirely on how children are socialized. Moreover, before defining "what is a better society", I also disagree with the claim that we have not learned how to raise children in order to construct a better society.

Admittedly, children socialization is crucial for each nation all over the world. I concede that if children who living[是live吧] in a given country were not well socialized, there would many social problems be occurred in turn. Consider, for example, the juvenile delinquencies. [这句又像句子有不像句子]A high divorce rate directly leads to a dim consequence that an increasing number of children cannot receive a good parental education. Lacking of home regulation, these children, in turn, may wander in the street everyday and be influenced by many unhealthy behaviors such as lying, stealing, robbing and so forth and therefore possibly become juvenile delinquents. Consequently, a society will be jeopardized by a series of juvenile delinquencies. This example tells us that healthy children socialization is not only a crucial factor of the children growth but also a vital measure to the development of societies.
[本段就家庭教育一点展开children socialization, 作为让步，可是相对首段提出的全反的观点，这段貌似有点多了，但思路清晰，是我学习的地方]

However, socialization is not the mere element influencing the situation to which a social member finally contributes to a better society.[有点费解] And, in my view, it may not the most important one. Consider an outstanding leader who has great contributes to a better society. Mao Tse-Tung, rose from the Chinese peasantry to become the preeminent leader of the People's Republic of China, deserved sole credit for changing the destiny of an entire nation --- China. [破折号怎么用啊?] Reviewing Mao's lifetime, his contributions were primarily the result of his inner intelligent [intelligence]and strong national faith, which had more to do with his inward conviction than with socialization.[对于inner intelligence这个观点，我不敢苟同，决定大人物成功的因素除此还有很多，如insight into future等]

In addition, whether we have learned how to raise children to construct a better society depends mainly on how to make a definition of " a better society ". [引号怎么用啊?这句话在word里总是绿的,有谁帮帮忙啊~~] If we define "a better society" as one characterized by better cooperation among countries, better open-mindedness of different viewpoints and complexions, then the children of the recent half century are creating a better society. Consider, for example, the hot spot issue of international cooperation. The economic crisis of 2008, including global inflations and substantial credit crisis, urges the majority of countries to adopt multi-national cooperation to deal with these thorny problems. Consider next the 2008 presidential campaign in the United States. [同理，很多这样的句式看得不舒服]Barack Hussein Obama becomes the first African American president regardless of his black complexion. These two examples clarify the fact that the children are bringing about a better society in the conception of making nations more cooperative and treating more equally human beings with different complexions.
[个人比较倾向于在靠前部作定义的工作，两个例子之间最好有衔接]

To sum up, the fate of society is determined partly by, but not limited to,[这句说的好！] how well children are socialized. And, to some extent, we have established a better society.

总的框架很清楚，感觉思维深度可以更好挖掘，相信会更出色！加油！



[ 本帖最后由 linsophia 于 2008-11-14 12:46 编辑 ]