] COMEON作文小组------phyllisy 11月11日作业

phyllisyUID: 2569048

在当今这个社会，人们越来越重视外貌及时尚。你是否同意？给出例子及原因（2006 年1 月6 日）



Have you ever had the desire to be thinner and thinner? Have you ever noticed the phenomenon that most magazine cover photos are taken up by good-looking and fashinable men and women? As a mordern citizen, you must have experience all this, which indicates that people are increasingly concerned about fashion and their appearance.

A research shows that the weight of famous models have been decreasing year by year. So, to follow the trend, being fat has been something miserble for almost everyone. Young women are doing everything to control their weight, even at the cost of health. Some even starve themselves and end up in eating disorder, which is not only a health problem but also a mental torture. When I was in high school, I had a friend who dances ballet. She was gorgeous, with a beautiful face and a buxom body. But when she fell in love with another boy, who was her dancing partner, she became extremely concerned with her weight. She began going on a meager diet, and then eating less and less. Half a year later, she almost became a walking skeleton. We begged her to eat in tear, but she said she could not control herself. She was afraid of eating. As a concequence, she has lost both her beauty and health, and also the chance to go to college because she has to stay in the hospital. The example of my friend can partly reflect how despirate young women have been for a perfect figure. And nowadays even men are crazy about keeping fit. My boyfriend never eats icecream for fear of gaining weight. How overwhelming the slim charm is!

And if you ask someone to name several magazines that he/she regularly read, inevitably he/she will include at least one fashion magazine. My roomate buys Vogue every month, even though they are quite expensive. She is so attracted to those fashion magazines. She reads them all the time, follows every beauty tip on them, and imitates the dressing style of the the models. Obviously she is not alone. I worked in newspaper station last summer, and I figured out that fashion magazines alway sold out first.

What's more, cosmetics are becoming a nessicity for women, even very young girl. My nephew, who is still a high school girl, wears makeup every day. She says she would never go to school without at least a little mascara and lipstick. My mother spend  over half an hour before going out. And they always think that they haven't wore enough makeup.

Altogether, those phenomenons well suggest that people are paying more attention to fashion and appearance. And part of the reason, I guess, is that our living condition have been greatly improved, thus make it possible for us to persue beauty and perfection.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Have you ever had the desire to be thinner and thinner? Have you ever noticed the phenomenon that most magazine cover photos are taken up (It's strange to use 'take up' in this context. I think you mean the photos 'feature' good-looking people) by good-looking, and fashinable men and women? As a mordern citizen, you must have experience all theseis, which indicates that people are becoming increasingly concerned about fashion and their appearance.

A research shows that the body weights of famous models have been decreasing year by year (That sounds vague. Who did the research, when was it done, and most importantly, how did you come to know the results given that you're probably just some ordinary person off the street? It might just be more believable if you quoted 'many newspaper and magazine articles have reported that...', because those are places your examiner would expect an ordinary someone to read from). So (It's becoming a regular custom that I need to repeat: avoid using 'and', 'but' and 'so' to start sentences in formal writing), to follow the trend, being fat has been something miserble for almost everyone. Young women are doing everything to control their weights, even at the cost of health. Some even starve themselves and end up in with eating disorder, which is not only a health problem but also a mental torture. When I was in high school, I had a friend who dances ballet. She was gorgeous, with a beautiful face and a buxom (First, this is not really a well-known word; second, it normally specifically refers to the plumpness of women's bosoms - I mean no offence but ballerinas normally aren't very 'buxom' in this sense. When talking about a dancer's body, the popular word would be 'lithe'.) body. But when she fell in love with another (...what are you hinting at with 'another'???...) boy, who was her dancing partner, she became extremely concerned with her weight. She began going on a meager diet, and then eating less and less. Half a year later, she almost became a walking skeleton. We begged for her to eat in tears (move 'in tears' to before 'for'), but she said she could not control herself. She was afraid of eating. As a concequence, she has lost both her beauty and health, and also the chance to go to college because she hasd to stay in the hospital. The example of my friend can partly reflect how desperate young women have been for a perfect figure. And (See my previous comment about starting sentences with 'and', 'but' or 'so'.) nowadays even men are crazy about keeping fit. My boyfriend never eats icecream for fear of gaining weight. How overwhelming the slim charm is!

And if you ask someone to name several magazines that he/she regularly reads, inevitably he/she will include at least one fashion magazine. My roomate buys Vogue every month, even though they are quite expensive. She is so attracted to those fashion magazines. She reads them all the time, follows every beauty tip on them, and imitates the dressing style of the the models. Obviously she is not alone. I worked in a newspaper station last summer, and I figured out that fashion magazines alway sold out first.

What's more, cosmetics are becoming a nessicity for women, even very young girls. My nephew, who is a girl still ain high school girl, wears makeup every day (It's normal for high school girls to wear makeup to schools in the US, so it might not be a strong point.). She says she would never go to school without at least a little mascara and lipstick. My mother spends over half an hour before going out (What is she doing in this 1/2 hour? Bathing? I know you imply she's putting on makeup, but you have to be specific to make your point). And they always think that they haven't woren enough makeup.

Altogether, those phenomenons well suggest that people are paying more attention to fashion and appearance. And part of the reason, I guess, is that our living conditions have been greatly improved, thus makeing it possible for us to persue beauty and perfection.

总结：

All is good but you forget that one of the keywords in the question is '越来越'. As usual, you started off with good efforts: your first point is still on the question because it says models are getting increasingly skinny. However, your next few points soon drifted off into describing how people are obsessed over fashion and cosmetics. People in the 1950s could be as obsessed with fashion as people are now, so your points would fail to demonstrate how people get INCREASINGLY concerned about fashion and blah blah. This is a good example of a question that needs some depth in your thinking, so be careful about which perspectives you need to take care of. Do not limit yourself to the 'easier' keywords.

[ 本帖最后由 mpromanus 于 2008-11-16 00:47 编辑 ]