arguement1【文以载道三月小分组】第2次作业大贴

robert5050UID: 2478679

文以载道三月小分组计划1.0：
现在起到春节的计划：
【题目发放】每周日早上8：00点前发放下周作文题目，一篇argue 一篇issue，题目issue按照主题轮换，argue先写高频。
【提交作业】每周二晚12点之前提交作业，作业大家交在如【issue136 文以载道三月小组第一次作业】的大贴下面。
【作业格式】题目如Issue 136（括号内附字数）
           中文/英文提纲
           正文
           相关参考资料（可以是以前论坛里的精华帖）
           请小组成员先尽量将各自的拼写和基本语法错误自己纠正之后再上传
【互改要求】每人改前一个人的作文，循环。第一个人改最后一人的。（所以请组员务必及时交作业以免影响后面的改作文的过程）
每人每次负责修改一人的两篇文章Issue/Argument，每周四晚12点是修改的最后期限，每周六晚前再交一次自改的作业。
具体格式为：改别人的：on 被改人昵称 + 正文（红字标出修改的地方，蓝字标出写得好的地方，最好加理由）
           改自己的：自改：+正文（红字加理由）
【惩罚】没有在规定时间内完成作业或者修改，组内通报批评
       3次连续不写作业或者3次连续不修改其他组员的作文，请自动退出小组


作业贴，请不要灌水，谢谢。

[ 本帖最后由 robert5050 于 2008-11-16 00:05 编辑 ]

oatsUID: 2248256

In this argument, it is recommended to open a new store selling health food and other health-related products in the area Plainsville. To support this conclusion the arguer cites the result of a resent survey that Plainsville merchants report that the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. Moreover, the arguer points out that the local health club has much more customers than before and the benefits of regular exercise is emphasized at very early age. As it stands, the argument suffers from several critical flaws as follows.  
First, the argument stands on the report that the sales of the running shoes and exercise clothing are at all time highs. However, in recent several years, owing the government policies, the economy of the ragion (region) of Plainsville is much better than several years ago and people are willing to pay their money on everyday comsuption(consumption). Actually now it is the sale season of the Plainsville, not only the clothing for sports, but also the sales condition of other clothes of spring and summer is at the the best level in history. And considering the effect of the global financial crisis, the future economy condition of this area is not so explicit, so to open a new store in the area may not a very sound decision.
Furthermore, the consumer of the local health club increased because they have improved their services from five years ago. In the past, most of the customer complained about the service was bad and classes were not reasonable. After losing most its customers, the health club adjust its strategies and attracted most of their customer back. Thus, the example of the health club doesn't prove that the potential customer increasing of the health-related areas.
Thirdly, the "fitness for life" is a very long term program from several decades ago and the first generation of this program have already grown up to adult, and majority of them went to other regions out of Plainsville to work. These future children might became the future consumer of the health-related products, while to expect the increasing number of the consumer in future by these school children is not realistic.
To sum up, the conclusion reached in the argument lacks credibility that to open a new store in the Plainsville only depends on the above three reasons. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer should provide more information concerning the increasing number of population, or a better economy future in Plainsville. Otherwise the argument is not logically acceptable.

1988706jjhUID: 2471905

In this argument, the author claims that the Nature's Way should build a new store in Plainsville where has many residents who highly concerned with leading healthy lives and then we will earn a profit in there. To support this assertion, the arguer points out that the sales of the exercise's equipments are at all-times highs and the popularity of local health club. In addition, the arguer predicates that P's schoolchildren will consume more NW’s product with them caring more attention on their health. However, a close scrutiny of this argument reveals that it suffers from several critical fallacies as discussed below.

First of all, the arguer cities that the strong sales of exercise equipments and the popularity of local health club, then, the author automatically assumes that these residents are interested in caring their health, or that P's residents will be interested in NW's products. However, this might not be the case. The author obviously overlooks other possible explanations for the phenomenon. For example, perhaps the residents in P become more interested in taking exercise for a good figure rather than a good health, or perhaps the living levels s of resident in P has been improved and then they have more time or money to take exercise, which have little matter with leading a healthy life. Even if assuming that the residents of P are paying more attention on living a healthy life, the arguer cannot indicate that they will buy NW's product. There could be a host of factors, such as the price, the taste and the like, which may lead to the residents choose other merchant's foods or products. If these possible factors are true, it would cast a considerable doubt on the argument's conclusion.

Second, even if I concede that the residents in P pay more attention on their health and then consume NW's healthy products, the arguer fails to establish a relationship/concludes too hastily that the number of consuming the NW's product will be increased with P's schoolchildren participating the certain fitness program. In relying no evidence or data such as whether the NW's food or products are fit for schoolchildren--it is possible that the nw's food may bring some unexpected result to the young and  the like, or if the schoolchildren are interested in eating  nw's food or products. Lacking enough information about the conditions of the product, it is groundless for the author to draw this general anticipate.

Finally, even if the recent trends in P will lead to the consume the NW's products, the arguer assumes too simply that the new store in P will continue to earn a profit. Profitability is a function of both the revenue and expense. Thus, it is entirely possible that the cost of investing a new store will be high and the transportation will be not commodious, which might render it unprofitable despite its popularity of consuming the health food. Without weighing revenue against the expense, the arguer's conclusion is not convinced me.

To sum up, the argument is not well supported as it stands. To bolster it, the author must provide more evidence and data, such as whether the residents or the schoolchildren in P will buy nw's product for a better health and if the product is suitable for all people. To better assess the problem, I would also need to know the revenue and expense in building a new store in p.

tiffany2108UID: 2533729

1.     "Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in
areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. 什么经验？We
should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville,which has many
such residents.人口有多少？ Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes
and exercise clothing are at all-time highs.爱运动未必爱健康食品也未必是因为要健康生活造成的可能是因为人口多 或者大多是外销呢 The local health club, which
nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members
than ever,原来都已经是倒了，现在比以前多是很正常的，基数少，也不见得多很多 and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full.减肥的人都知道，坚持锻炼也许做得到，但食物上禁绝就难 仅仅从这个就决定太轻率，还要考虑当地是否有其他竞争者，市场是否饱和
We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's
schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life'
program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early
age." 食品的那块仍然无保证，过分相信教育的力量。

字数 540

1.       总结下题目
2.       攻击前提
3.       攻击论据
4.       攻击那个SCHOOLCHILDREN的推断
5.       总结

The argument is used to prove that the next new Nature’s Way store should be built at Plainsville where residents are defined into people leading healthy lives and the arguer believe that it’s a profitable strategy. In addition, he even anticipates that schoolchildren there would be their future consumers. The argument seems logical but after examination we will find how thoughtless it is.

Firstly, I am confused by the “previous experience”. When, how and where did they get the experience. If it’s a short-term experience accumulation, or an conclusion according to some outdate surveys by unreliable method, or some experience gotten from an totally different area form Plainsville as Middle East or China, the previous experience that the most profitable area is where people are leading healthy lives is too doubtable to be an premises.

Secondly, turn our attention to the evidence. An all-time running shoes and exercising clothes doesn’t have either direct or logical relation with the health food, one of the main product of the Nature’s way.  One devotes his money to exercise can never buy special healthy food but just carry a balance diet to keep fit. It’s no dissimilar that one is a health club participant and attends the weight training and aerobics classes while he doesn’t have the will to by additional healthy food. What’s more people who intent to lose weight, especially girls, are enticed to break their diet swear by overwhelming delicious food even they are junk food. So what’s groundless of the evidence is that there is no relation between exercise or losing weight with buying health food. Besides, if the population in Plainsville is large or the shoes and clothes are selling to other cities, it also helps the high sale in quantity but may not in proportion. Again, similarly, what is ridiculous is that the arguer knows healthy clubs there were once closed, which means with this base it is surly that a little increase seems a lot in proportion but actually still in small quantity. And how many competitors the Nature’s Way would face in Plainsville would directly affect the profit. The consume ability is almost stable in a short term, if competitors are already share the profit, the Nature’s Way would have little profit to get.

Third, the promising anticipation is also unconvincing. It is presumptuous to judge that the schoolchildren will buy the store’s goods according to they will take a fitness program. Whether the children will take in the program education is questionable. People share the belief that education teaches but children choose what they want to learn by choose what information to be remembered. Children are taught that breaking the law is bad and serious but some children still challenge it. So even though schoolchildren are taking the fitness program, the possibility of not following a fit and healthy habit exists. The arguer believes the power of education too much.

In sum, to make more profit, more should be take into consideration. The plan of building next new store needs more convincing and deep survey about the exact number of target consumer, competitors’ situation and market circumstance. Only in this situation can the arguer claims correct evaluation for the location of the next new store.

[ 本帖最后由 tiffany2108 于 2008-11-21 23:53 编辑 ]

oatsUID: 2248256

The argument is used to (这个是过去常常的意思吧？？)prove that the next new Nature’s Way store should be built at Plainsville where residents are defined into people leading healthy lives and the arguer believe that it’s a profitable strategy. In addition, he even anticipates that schoolchildren there would be their future consumers. The argument seems logical but after examination(这里用这个词会不会不好？？改成analyzing??) we will find how thoughtless it is.

Firstly, I am confused by the “previous experience”. When, how and where did they get the experience. If it’s a short-term experience accumulation, or an (a) conclusion according to some outdate surveys by unreliable method, or some experience gotten from a totally different area from Plainsville as Middle East or China, the previous experience that the most profitable area is where people are leading healthy lives is too doubtable to be an premises.

Secondly, turn our attention to the evidence. An all-time running shoes and exercising clothes doesn’t have either direct or logical relation with the health food, one of the main product of the Nature’s way.  One devotes his money to exercise can never buy special healthy food but just carry a balance diet to keep fit(我觉得这句也论证得太绝对了吧，not likely比较好吧). It’s no dissimilar that one is a health club participant and attends the weight training and aerobics classes while he doesn’t have the will to by additional healthy food. What’s more people who intent to lose weight, especially girls, are enticed to break their diet swear by overwhelming delicious food even they are junk food. So what’s groundless of the evidence is that there is no relation between exercise or losing weight with buying health food. Besides, if the population in Plainsville is large or the shoes and clothes are selling to other cities, it also helps the high sale in quantity but may not in proportion. Again, similarly, what is ridiculous is that the arguer knows healthy clubs there were once closed, which means with this base it is surly that a little increase seems a lot in proportion but actually still in small quantity. (这里没大看明白是怎么推断出来的)And how many competitors the Nature’s Way would face in Plainsville would directly affect the profit. The consume ability is almost stable in a short term, if competitors are already share the profit, the Nature’s Way would have little profit to get.
(我觉得这段的论证不是很有说服力，说运动的人不吃diet太绝对了吧，health club从没生意到有生意，推断出增长的人数很少，好像也不是那么有说服力啊)

Third, the promising anticipation is also unconvincing. It is presumptuous to judge that the schoolchildren will buy the store’s goods according to they will take a fitness program. Whether the children will take in the program education is questionable. People share the belief that education teaches but children choose what they want to learn by choose what information to be remembered. Children are taught that breaking the law is bad and serious but some children still challenge it. So even though schoolchildren are taking the fitness program, the possibility of not following a fit and healthy habit exists. The arguer believes the power of education too much.
(教育对health product的影响不是绝对的)

In sum, to make more profit, more should be take into consideration. The plan of building next new store needs more convincing and deep survey about the exact number of target consumer, competitors’ situation and market circumstance. Only in this situation can the arguer claims correct evaluation for the location of the next new store.

[ 本帖最后由 oats 于 2008-11-26 11:49 编辑 ]

tiffany2108UID: 2533729

In this argument, the author claims that the Nature's Way should build a new store in Plainsville where has many residents who highly concerned with leading healthy lives and then we(we?????) will earn a profit in(去掉） there. To support this assertion, the arguer points out that the sales of the exercise's equipments are at all-times highs and the popularity of local health club前后句型不一致前面是句子而后面是名词. In addition, the arguer predicates that P's schoolchildren will consume more NW’s product with them caring more attention on their health. However, a close scrutiny of this argument reveals that it suffers from several critical fallacies as discussed below.

First of all, the arguer cities that the strong sales of exercise equipments and the popularity of local health club, then, the author automatically assumes that these residents are interested in caring their health, or that P's residents will be interested in NW's products. However, this might not be the case. The author obviously overlooks other possible explanations for the phenomenon. For example, perhaps the residents in P become more interested in taking exercise for a good figure rather than a good health, or perhaps the living levels s of resident in P has been improved and then they have more time or money to take exercise, which have little matter with leading a healthy life. Even if assuming that the residents of P are paying more attention on living a healthy life, the arguer cannot indicate that they will buy NW's product. There could be a host of factors, such as the price, the taste and the like, which may lead to the residents choose other merchant's foods or products. If these possible factors are true, it would cast a considerable doubt on the argument's conclusion.（論證 有力，原因清晰充分我喜歡。）

Second, even if I concede that the residents in P pay more attention on（應是 to) their health and then consume NW's healthy products, the arguer fails to establish a relationship/concludes too hastily that the number of consuming the NW's product will be increased with P's schoolchildren participating the certain fitness program. In relying no evidence or data such as whether the NW's food or products are fit for schoolchildren--it is possible that the nw's food may bring some unexpected result to the young and  the likes, or if the schoolchildren are interested in eating  nw's food or products. Lacking enough information about the conditions of the product, it is groundless for the author to draw this general anticipate.(总觉得这段的理由不大好，好象不应该说LACING INFORMAITON ABOUT THE PRODUCTS,因为这可能只是因为那短文没有说,但那人应该知道他们的产品是怎么样的.而说产品未必适合孩子应该理由是孩子的本性其实更爱吃零食等等JUNCK FOOD之类从孩子的身上下手)

Finally, even if the recent trends in P will lead to the consume the NW's products, the arguer assumes too simply that the new store in P will continue to earn a profit. Profitability is a function of both the revenue and expense. Thus, it is entirely possible that the cost of investing a new store will be high and the transportation will be not commodious, which might render it unprofitable despite its popularity of consuming the health food. Without weighing revenue against the expense, the arguer's conclusion is not convinced me.

To sum up, the argument is not well supported as it stands. To bolster it, the author must provide more evidence and data, such as whether the residents or the schoolchildren in P will buy nw's product for a better health and if the product is suitable for all people. To better assess the problem, I would also need to know the revenue and expense in building a new store in p.


结构是递进的，从前提条件上层层让步，结构很清晰．用词多样，虽然没有用到复杂的句子但是表达清晰，长短结合．

从我的角度看这是一篇不错的ＡＲＧＵ，学到了．

1988706jjhUID: 2471905

谢谢 小孩那段 我是写的比较纠结 哈哈 学习 语法就是软肋