一篇自觉很神经的作文

yanglinsheepUID: 2493965

If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.

Please Finance Me

At a time when economy crisis is striking the whole world, those coming to headlines of newspapers everyday are essays describing the scare situation all around the world – today the Dow Jones Index has experienced its most dramatic fall in the latest twenty years, and next day the US government has pushed millions of dollars to stuff up the giant liquidity whole but results are left to be seen. The once prosperously bustling scenery in Wall Street has been miraculously whisked away, leaving a gloomy increasing-unemployment fact.

If chances are given, I will rank finance top on the list of my course list, most practically in order to get a full understanding of those “headlines”, say why should we place the colossal economic life on those tiny numbers and figures such as Standard & Poor’s Index; why numerous people are willing to throw all their money into an invisible stock world; and why crisis happens in the USA but its poisonous hand reaches every corner of the world, and so on. I’m curious about all these fantastic things. With theories and cases, finance courses provide me means to get closer to the society and combination of knowledge in books and phenomena off books. For the thirst for knowledge, I can’t wait another minute to taste a finance course.

After the first glance of finance, finding my talent in financial field, I probably or hopefully sink into the magic financial world and devote myself into the thriving financial career. Bankers and dealers are in high status from my point of view, and I desire to jump into that sacred realm where I can satisfy myself with receival of confidence and respect. Unlike natural science, finance is a newborn domain where controversial issues exist on all theoretic and practical problems. And it’ll be a tremendous glory and excitement for me to apply what I learn to prosper the finance system of our nation or even of the whole world, just like those experts who are now making their best endeavors to rescue the global finance system from collapse. What’s more, bankers are labeled large sums of money, which is an attractive lure for me. For the yearning for status and wealth, I wish to choose finance as my career, and thus finance courses will be my first step.

I would like to take finance courses, right at the moment.

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

确实有点神经

文字 90分
逻辑 10分

第一段完全不知道你想说什么，第3段非常空洞。
e.g I’m curious about all these fantastic things. With theories and cases, finance courses provide me means to get closer to the society and combination of knowledge in books and phenomena off books 这句话基本上等于什么都没有说。

[ 本帖最后由 lingli_xiaoai 于 2008-11-15 23:44 编辑 ]

hyacinthUID: 2184492

想拿高分的话最好是在第一段就回答这个问题"If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose?"

nmrphdUID: 2554154

汗。看成了 Please fiancee me.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

汗楼上一个先..

托福作文不需要题目。

At a time when an economy crisis is striking the whole world, those coming to the headlines of newspapers everyday are essays describing the scary situation all around the world (为什么你不要直接说essays describing...come as the headlines of newspapers everyday而要绕一个这么拗口的从句呢。。) – one today the Dow Jones Index has experienced its most dramatic fall in the latest twenty years, and the next day the US government has pushed injected millions of dollars into to stuff up the giant liquidity (left by investment banks?) whole but results are left to be seen. The once prosperously bustling scenery in the Wall Street has been miraculously (I don't think you should use a positive word such as 'miraculous' to describe a crisis) whisked away, leaving a gloomy increasing-unemployment fact (If you have read this part without the 'increasing-unemployment' part, you'd probably see where the problem is. Plus, there's no such word like 'increasing-unemployment'. 你用不着用从句的时候用了从句，该用从句的时候却不用..and, as suggested in #3, you should have answered the question in this paragraph, 现在是破了题却没有立论，破题就白破了).

If chances are given, I will rank finance top on the list of my course list, most practically in order to get a full understanding of those“headlines”, say, why should we place the colossal economy life on those tiny numbers and figures such as Standard & Poor’s Index; why numerous people are willing to throw all their money into an invisible world of stocks world; and why the crisis happens in the USA but its poisonous hand reaches every corner of the world, and so on.(Technically speaking, I think you should take up economics rather than finance to understand the last point)  I’m curious about all these fantastic things. With theories and cases, finance courses provide me means to get closer to the society and to a combination of knowledge in books and real-world phenomena off books. For the thirst for knowledge, I can’t wait another minute to taste a finance course.(This reasoning is odd. You didn't convince me that a finance course would provide you with more knowledge than any other course. The drive here doesn't seem to be a 'general' thirst of knowledge, but rather a particular thirst of knowledge in finance.)

After the first glance of finance, finding my talent in the financial field, I probably or hopefully (you mean there's a possibility that you won't get deeper into it at all after the 'first glance'?) sink into the magical financial world and devote myself into the thriving financial career. Bankers and dealers are in highly regarded status from my point of view, and I desire to jump into that sacred realm where I can satisfy myself with receival of confidence and respect from others (This whole sentence sounds totally mean.). Unlike natural sciences, finance is a newborn domain where controversial issues exist on all theoretic and practical problems. And (Once again, avoid using 'and', 'but' or 'so' to start sentences in formal writing) it’ll be a tremendous glory and excitement for me to apply what I learn to prosper make the finance system of our nation or even of the whole world prosper, just like those experts who are now making their best endeavors to rescue the global finance system from collapsing. What’s more, bankers earn are labeled large sums of money, which is an attractive lure for me.For the yearning for status and wealth, I wish to choose finance as my career, and thus a finance courses will be my first step. (Your honesty about status and wealth is certainly refreshing, but technically speaking, I'm afraid finance is no longer the lucrative and shameless career once it was.)

I would like to take finance courses, right at the moment. (The last paragraph of an argumentative essay is supposed to be a summary of important points in your essay. This sentence doesn't serve that purpose at all.)

总结：

首先，你貌似不明白economics和finance的区别..

然后，你貌似不知道议论文的形式是什么样子的。。一篇标准的议论文的结构是 破题+立论 --> 二~三个论点 --> 结论。。建议找些标准范文来看看。。