走过路过 give me a hand 第二期 作文 求改(已修改 感谢修改人)

bradyhwangUID: 2405229

Game is common things in our life.It contains the process and result.To me I pay more attention to the result not process.We gian lots of enjoyable experience and also learn the useful skill even more the meaningful point in life.I value the essential of everything in my life and at the same time I can improve myself by analyze it.

Everyone plays game wants to defeat the rival.It's significant point in the rules of game.Without the reslut in the game that means the game lost its competion in.It's meaningless to play without competition.Some people may say that we enjoy the process though the game.Is that really true? The answer may not.Take the chess for example,if a chess game without result we can show any cards we want.In the contrary we lose the enjoyment.

Another important fact is that the goal of one game is always I pursuit. It encorage me during the game and let me concentrate in thinking.I may lose the game if I take a litte nap.Once I have played the computer game with one of my friend who is vety good at it.But he isn't pay attention to the result so he always make mistake in the game.Different from he I persist in reaching my goal and finally I win the game.That may be the magic power of that a strong desire to win a game.

Coming back to the first paragraph and I'd like to say that I gain more from the result when I win the match.Analyzing the result can help me improve my skill I think that can be source of my happiness.One Chinese idiom said that if you totally konw both the rival and yourself you will defeat him all the time.So in my opinion only if I am win a game I gain the happiness.

[ 本帖最后由 bradyhwang 于 2008-11-19 16:12 编辑 ]

BeBestFUselfUID: 2460117

关注　:rolleyes:

kwenfengUID: 2416423

Game is common things in our life. It contains the process and result. To me I pay more attention to the result not(rather than) the process.We gian lots of enjoyable experience and also learn the useful skill (that is )even more the meaningful point in life. I value the essential of everything in my life and at the same time I can improve myself by analyzing(该词好像不太恰当) it. 感觉首段没有明确表达lz要表达的观点，第三句话好像是agree，但接下来又给人感觉do not agree。


Everyone plays game wants to(in order to) defeat the rival.It's significant point in the rules of game.(Without the result in the game that ) à (losing the game) means the game lost its competion in(此句有语病).It's meaningless to play without competition.Some people may say that we enjoy the process though the game.Is that really true? The answer may be not. Take the chess for example, if a chess game without result we can show any cards we want. (without result 放在这表达有误，不管输赢都有结果，只是好和坏的区别) In（on）the contrary we lose the enjoyment.

Another important fact is that the goal of one game is always （缺少宾语成分）I pursuit. It encorage me during the game and let me concentrate in thinking.I may lose the game if I take a litte nap.Once I have played the computer game with one of my friend who is vety good at it.But he isn't pay attention to the result so he always make mistake in the game.Different from he I persist in reaching my goal and finally I win the game.That may be the magic power of that a strong desire to win a game.

Coming back to the first paragraph and I'd like to say that I gain more from the result when I win the match.Analyzing the result can help me improve my skill I think that can be source of my happiness.One Chinese idiom said that if you totally konw both the rival and yourself you will defeat him all the time.So in my opinion only if I am win a game ？I gain the happiness.

文章有些明显的语法错误，表述有些chinglish，举例较充分，但感觉还需适当发散。共同提高，共同进步。

bradyhwangUID: 2405229

非常感谢！！

bradyhwangUID: 2405229

非常感谢kwenfeng！！