球拍，谢谢！

kwenfengUID: 2416423

168) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing a game is fun only when you win. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, as you can see, our surroundings are full of competition of different kinds everywhere. In most of these competitions there is usually only one winner, so every candidate spares no effort to beat others to fight for the champion. Like the Olympics, only is the winner in most of the sports items impressive by people, and it is only the winner that gets the most reward and ovation from the world. However, in our daily life, there is no need for us to play a game just only for winning the game, we could benefit a lot through playing a game, even though we are beaten by the rivals.
In the first place, we could make friends with our opponents in the games. As the saying goes ’no fighting, no friends’, there are innumerable examples in the history happened in any part of the earth that many good friends or the commanders knew each other, even struck up a friendship just because of a fighting. In addition, in most sports competition, the winner and the runner-up often have a strong friendship under the sports court.
In the second place, many games will do benefit to our health and widen our eyesight. Majority people may have one competitive sports hobby or two, and if you kept doing it regularly every day and no matter whether you were the winner, you will absolutely feel that your body is more and more strong, and you would improbably suffer from less and less diseases. I am fond of playing basketball, but I seldom care about winning the game, what I really concern is that my partners and I could learn the team spirit by doing this teamwork and our friendship could be strengthened. By the way, as I often play basketball with my friends, my playing skill is being dramatically enforced. Consequently, I could mostly win the game with ease.   
Moreover, there are plenty of games devised for making people relaxed as long as we just take part in it. As what is mentioned above, I could improve my technique and stabilize the friendship with the members as well, what’s more, after playing it, I will relax myself after the whole day study so that I fell more energetic and could focus entirely on the work and study next day.
Considering all the factors above, we could make friends, acquire knowledge, train our physical body and being relaxed owing to the participation in the game. Therefore, to compete for the winner is not the only reason for us to take part in it.

超时问题无法解决，每个观点不能很好的发展，何况到了考试的时候紧张，还请高手指教。

[ 本帖最后由 kwenfeng 于 2008-11-22 12:53 编辑 ]

kwenfengUID: 2416423

自己顶

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Nowadays, as you can see,(尽量避免在议论文体里直接称呼读者为you, 会显得很套近乎, 就会让人觉得不professional, 没有严谨说服力就靠套近乎的感觉) our surroundings are full of competitions of different kinds everywhere (和surroundings重复). In most of these competitions there is usually only one winner, so every candidate participant spares no effort to beat others and to fight for the champion. Like the Olympics (不是很确定你想用奥运会作为体育比赛的例子还是想说总体来说体育比赛都像奥运会那样只有金牌选手被注意。。如果是前者要在like后面加in), only is the winner in most of the sports (如果你是在用奥运会举例就不用重复说它是‘体育’项目了) items events is impressive by to people, and it is only the winner that gets the most rewards and ovations from the world. However, in our daily life, there is no need for us to play a game just only (和just重复) for winning it the game. We could benefit a lot through playing a game, even though we are beaten by the rivals. (题目问的是你agree or disagree, 所以你最好明确地表示一下agree或者disagree)

In the first place, we could make friends with our opponents in the games. As the a saying goes, ’no fighting, no friends’, there are innumerable examples in the history that happened in many part of the earth world, that many good friends or the commanders knew each other,or even struck up a friendship just because of a fighting (你是想说battle打仗吗). In addition, in most sports competitions, the winner (通常委婉一点叫做champion) and the runner-ups often have a strong friendship under the sports court (典型中文直译. outside the court).

In the second place, many games will do benefit to our health and widen our eyesight (eyesight不是能widen的. I think you mean 'horizons'). Majority of people may have one competitive sports hobby or two as hobbies, and if you kept keep doing it regularly every day and no matter whether you were are the winner, you will absolutely feel that your body is more and more stronger, and you would improbably suffer from less and less fewer diseases. I am fond of playing basketball, but I seldom care about winning the game; what I really concern is that my partners and I could learn the about team spirit by doing through this teamwork and our friendship (好像和上面一个论点部分重复嘛) could be strengthened. By the way, as I often play basketball with my friends, my playing skills is are being dramatically enforced improved. Consequently, I could mostly win the game with ease.(Totally uncalled for. 你这一段的论点是 体育活动可以让身体健康，眼界宽广，这最后两句话说明了这个论点里哪个部分呢？Please stick with your point.)

Moreover, there are plenty of games are devised for making people feel relaxed as long as we just take part in it them. As what is mentioned above, I could improve my technique and stabilize the friendship with the team members as well. What’s more, after playing it (不要假设因为你知道你的it指的是basketball，读者就应该能记住你的it指的是basketball), I will be able to relax myself after the a whole day of studying, so that I feel more energetic and canfocus entirely on the work and study the next day.

Considering all the factors above, we could make friends, acquire knowledge, train our physical bodies and being feel relaxed owing to because of the participation in the games. Therefore, to compete for the winning is not the only reason for us to take part in it.

总结:

很不好意思地说，你跑题了。。

题目是Playing a game is FUN only when you win. 如果把题目反过来，是Playing a game is FUN NOT only when you win. == Playing a game is still FUN when you DON'T win.你需要讨论的题目实际上是有一个关键字fun，而不是 playing a game 除了赢还有什么好处. 命题作文最重要的就是要读懂题目，请避免看到一个题目想起类似的自己会写的题材就很高兴地往下写而不管是不是完全切题。

关于超时和发展论点的问题，只能通过掐时多练来解决，练到手熟尔。平时可以学学做brainstorming，熟练了可以很快地想出论点。

fandigenUID: 2535142

帮顶

kwenfengUID: 2416423

受教了！:handshake :handshake
十分感谢mpromanus如此细致的修改和指导，我会慢慢消化的这些内容的！
作文也不是十天八天就能提高的，以后还要多多练习，好在还有1个半月准备，貌似时间也不多了。。