11.20作文求批

coalaxixiUID: 2353397

1.5 h/ 403 words

People workbecause they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work?Discuss one or more of these reasons. Use specific examples and details to supportyour answer.

People nowadays are used to be busy withtheir work. It seems that work costs too much energy of modern people and consumesthem major enthusiasm of life. Why are those hardworking people so devoted totheir work? Do they just work to survive? If so, why there’re so many richpeople still work? Therefore, there must be some other reasons in addition toearning money for people working. In my point of view, people could also workfor the interest, the fulfillment or all these factors.

Obviously, other than money, people wouldwork for their interest of the work. Pure interest can stir up all theirpassion, exclude all kinds of difficulties and make them energetic anddedicated to their work. Many scientists and artists serve as vivid examplesfor us. Van Gogh, a pioneer of Expressionism, painted some of the world’s bestknown and most expensive pieces while lived in straitened circumstances. Hecould have found another job to support a better material life. However, thepursuing of art made him ignore the need of money and focus on his reallyinterested work – painting, which brought him the spiritual satisfaction and leftthe world valuable pieces. What a powerful motivation for the work – interest!

Also, some people work for their ownfulfillment. They want to demonstrate their capability through working. Theywant to gain other people’s applause and respect. They want to be viewed as themost competent, intelligent or persevering people. My uncle who is an entrepreneurhas earned a lot of money, but he is till exerting himself day and night. He thinkshe should keep on working hard to be more and more successful so that he can beknown by more and more people. As life gets better, more people can pursuetheir own fulfillment rather than just work for money to survive.

What’s more, some people work for all thesefactors. Their works provide them substantial salary for living, and they feelhappy and fulfilled while working. For example, Bill Gate operates Microsoft toearn a large amount of money. At the same time, he realized his ideals to makeevery desk laid a computer. Without doubt, he makes great contribution to theworld and of course gains good reputations. What’s fortunate is that, he likeshis work very much!

In conclusion, people work not only for themoney. People would also work for their interest and fulfillment.

[ 本帖最后由 coalaxixi 于 2008-11-21 20:08 编辑 ]

coalaxixiUID: 2353397

花半个多小时修改了下。 437 words

People nowadays are used to be busy with their work. It seems that work costs too much energy of modern people and consumes them major enthusiasm of life. Why are those hardworking people so devoted to their work? Do they just work to survive? If so, why there’re so many rich people who still work? Therefore, there must be some other reasons in addition to earning money for people working. In my point of view, people could also work for the interest, the fulfillment or the combination of these factors.

Obviously, other than money, people would work for their interest of the work. Pure interest can stir up all their passion, eliminate all kinds of difficulties and drive them energetic and dedicated to their work. The significance of interest to the work can be demonstrated from many scientists and artists. Van Gogh, a pioneer of Expressionism, painted some of the world’s best known and most expensive pieces while lived in straitened circumstances. He could have found another job to support a better material life. However, the pursuing of art made him ignore the hardship of life and focus on his originally interested work – painting, which brought him the spiritual satisfaction and left the world valuable pieces. What a magnificent influence the interest has on work!

Also, some people work for their own fulfillment. They want to show their capability through good performance on work. They want to gain other people’s applause and respect. They want to be viewed as the most competent, intelligent or persevering people. My uncle who is an entrepreneur serves as a vivid example. He has earned a lot of money, but he is till exerting himself day and night. He thinks he should keep on working hard to be more and more successful so that he can be known by more and more people. There are many people like my uncle that fame is important then everything to them.

What’s more, some people work for the combination of all these factors – the money, the interest and the fulfillment. Their works provide them substantial salary for a good quality of material living, and meanwhile they feel happy and fulfilled through their work. For example, a well known billionaire, Bill Gate, established Microsoft to make large amount of money, through which he realized his ideals to make every desk laid a computer. Without doubt, he makes great contribution to the world and of course gains good reputations. What’s fortunate is that, he likes his work very much!

In conclusion, people work not only for the money. People would also work for their interest and fulfillment.

[ 本帖最后由 coalaxixi 于 2008-11-21 20:07 编辑 ]

mpromanusUID: 2565872

People nowadays are used to be busy with their work. It seems that work costs too much energy of modern people and consumes most of their major enthusiasm of for life. Why are those hardworking people so devoted to their work? Do they just work to survive? If so, why there’re are there so many rich people who still work? Therefore, there must be some other reasons in addition to earning money for that impel people to working. In From my point of view, people could also work for because of the interest, the fulfillment or the a combination of these factors.

Obviously, other than money, people would work for their interest of in the work. Pure interest can stir up all their passion, eliminate all kinds of difficulties and drive them to be energetic and dedicated to their work. The significance of interest to in the work can be demonstrated from many scientists (如果你在这里特别提到scientist，最好后面有一个例子) and artists. Van Gogh, a pioneer of Expressionism, painted some of the world’s best known and most expensive pieces while living in straitened circumstances. He could have found another job (问题是问你 人为什么选择去工作 - 相对之的是 不工作，而不是问 人为什么选择做不赚钱的工作 相对于 做很赚钱的工作。It's better not to mention 'other jobs' because that'll be twisting the question.) to support live a better material life. However, the pursuit of art made enabled him to ignore the hardship of life and focus on the work that his he was originally interested in work – painting. This brought him the spiritual satisfaction and he left the world with valuable pieces. What a magnificent (I think you mean 'significant') influence the interest has on work!

Also, some people work for their own fulfillment (上一点才刚刚提到spiritual satisfaction, 这里就把fulfillment当作单独的点提出来, 不是很好. 如果你要谈论一些和interest不同的fulfillment, 最好在这一句就说清楚, 或者不要在上面一节的论证里写可能会交叉到别的论点的语句.). They want to show their capabilities through good performances on work. They want to gain other people’s applause and respect. They want to be viewed as the most competent, intelligent or persevering people. My uncle, who is an entrepreneur, serves as a vivid example. He has earned a lot of money, but he is till exerting himself day and night. He thinks he should keep on working hard to be more and more successful so that he can be known by more and more people. There are many people like my uncle that for whom fame is more important than everything to them. (fame重要与否和fulfillment有什么关系呢? 你需要切题. 简单的一句'and to fulfill his want of fame, he drives himself to continue working.'把fame和fulfill两个关键字连起来就可以了)

What's more, some people work for the a combination of all these factors – the money, the interest and the fulfillment. Their works provide them substantial salaries for a good quality of material living, and meanwhile they feel happy and fulfilled through their work. For example, a well known billionaire, Bill Gates (Please make sure you get important names correct..), established Microsoft to make and made (当然俺们都知道盖茨建立微软是为了赚钱的，但是就直接赤裸裸地这么说出来还是比较不厚道地~) large amounts of money, through which he realized his ideals to make put a computer on every desk laid a computer (能用主动式的时候不要坚持用被动式，非常拗口，而且一看便是中文直译的痕迹). Without doubt, he makes great contribution to the world and of course gains a good reputations. What’s fortunate is that, he likes his work very much! (This sounds totally naive. How'd you know he likes his work very much?)

In conclusion, people work not only for the money. People They would also work for their interest and fulfillment.

总结:

1. 除了make somebody/something do something 这种用法之外，也要学会用其他的词汇和句法。。

2. 请注意介词的用法。另外应该用分句的地方不要因为想简洁就写成fragment。宁愿每个句子写完整，多分短句，也比写出语法不通的长句要好。

coalaxixiUID: 2353397

仔细体会消化了几天~，真的非常感谢！