ISSUE130[FF小组] by alpsky 有拍必回，欢迎互改

alpskyUID: 2438084

有拍必回，欢迎互改
题目：ISSUE130 -"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society.Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bringabout a better society."
字数：431          用时：1:05:27          日期：2008-11-25

As the flowers of country, children play avital part in the development of society. And I agree with the speaker that theextent of socialized children determines the destiny of society. However I haveto say that from education in school and society and from variety of expertswho concern about children, we have found certain ways to raise children whocan help bring about a better society.

"The tomorrow of children is thefuture of a society." said by an education expert. And also Yanfu, anexpert in China,once said that rich a child, rich a country. These word all idicates theimportance of children's development for the destiny of society. A societycannot be developed without the successors. The adults are the backbones oftoday's society. And when today' children have grown up, they will be thebackbones too. So we would rather educate the children well than do nothing atall.

Fortunately, we have learned how to raisechildren who can help bring about a better society. It has been a traditionthat we learned a lot of knowledge when we are children, such as math,language, history, geography, biology and so on. These courses tell us theworld we live in and teach us many skills to live. Nowadays most countries havemade the compulsory school attendance a law. That is to say, children, nomatter living in a rich family or a poor, in the big city or in the ruralcountry, have the equal right to attain education.

The last thing cannot be ignored is thatthe moral and psychology education for children. Besides knowledge, childrenshould have a healthy attitude and moral standards, which are the guarantee tobe the backbones for society. We have many experts who devote themselves toresearching the psychology of children, especially children with problems. Alsoin each school we have courses for moral and teachers coaching children how tohave a healthy attitude.

Never our society ignores care aboutchildren. The government appropriates funds on the education for children everyyear. And also some countries like China have taken education as abasic policy. Also take Chinafor example; we have Hope School in rural and poorcountry, and also every year many graduators from college schools volunteer tobe teachers in these poor villages, where life is inconvenient and hard.

In sum, since the destiny of society isdetermined by the extent of children's socialization; what we have to do isimprove our education for children to follow the pace of the modern world.

duyuan3377UID: 2415765

As the flowers of country, children play avital part in the development of society. And I agree with the speaker that theextent of socialized children determines the destiny of society. However I haveto say that from education in school and society and from variety of expertswho concern about children, we have found certain ways to raise children whocan help bring about a better society.
*清楚明了；

"The tomorrow of children is thefuture of a society." said by an education expert. And also Yanfu, anexpert in China,once said that rich a child, rich a country.（这个翻的很好） These word all idicates（words all indicate） the importance of children's development for the destiny of society. A societycannot be developed without the successors. The adults are the back bones of today's society. And when today' children have grown up, they will be the back bones too. So we would rather educate the children well than do nothing atall.
*这段你主要论述了孩子的重要性，但整个话题最重要的词却忽视了：socialize

Fortunately, we have learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. It has been a tradition that we learned a lot of knowledge when we are children, such as math,language, history, geography, biology and so on. These courses tell us theworld we live in and teach us many skills to live. Nowadays most countries havemade the compulsory school attendance a law. That is to say, children, nomatter living in a rich family or a poor, in the big city or in the ruralcountry, have the equal right to attain education.

The last thing cannot be ignored is that the moral and psychology education for children. Besides knowledge, childrenshould have a healthy attitude and moral standards, which are the guarantee tobe the backbones for society. We have many experts who devote themselves to researching the psychology of children, especially children with problems. Alsoin each school we have courses for moral and teachers coaching children how tohave a healthy attitude.

Never our society ignores care about children. The government appropriates funds on the education for children every year. And also some countries like China have taken education as abasic policy. Also take Chinafor example; we have Hope School in rural and poorcountry, and also every year many graduators from college schools volunteer tobe teachers in these poor villages, where life is inconvenient and hard.

In sum, since the destiny of society isdetermined by the extent of children's socialization; what we have to do isimprove our education for children to follow the pace of the modern world.

*值得肯定的是，你用语言表达自己思想的能力，应该已经基本符合GRE AW的要求了。

*你整篇文章socialize仅，出现了2次，第一次开头引述作者，第二次结尾扣题。也就是说，你自己论述中这个重要的词一次也没有出现。

*你可能吧socialize等效为了educate，你认为这样等效合理吗？

*我认为你本文审题存在一定的问题。:)

陈星君UID: 2416582

题目：ISSUE130 -"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society.Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bringabout a better society."
字数：431          用时：1:05:27          日期：2008-11-25

As the flowers of country, children play a vital part in the development of society. And I agree with the speaker that the extent of socialized children determines the destiny of society. However I have to say that from education in school and society and from variety of experts who concern about children, we have found certain ways to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
————中心思想是同意前者反对后者---have found certain ways to raise children 从education 与experts两方面

"The tomorrow of children is the future of a society." said by an education expert. And also Yanfu, an expert in China,once said that rich a child, rich a country. These word all idicates the importance of children's development for the destiny of society. A society cannot be developed without the successors. The adults are the backbones of today's society. And when today' children have grown up, they will be the backbones too时间状语？. So we would rather educate the children well than do nothing at all.

Fortunately, we have learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. It has been a tradition that we learned a lot of knowledge when we are children, such as math,language, history, geography, biology and so on. These courses tell us the world we live in and teach us many skills to live. Nowadays most countries have made the compulsory school attendance a law. That is to say, children, no matter living in a rich family or a poor, in the big city or in the rural country, have the equal right to attain education.
raise children 好象展开的还不够？

The last thing cannot be ignored is that the moral and psychology education for children. Besides knowledge, children should have a healthy attitude and moral standards, which are the guarantee to be the backbones for society. We have many experts who devote themselves to researching the psychology of children, especially children with problems. Also in each school we have courses for moral and teachers coaching children how to have a healthy attitude.

Never our society ignores care about children. The government appropriates funds on the education for children every year. And also some countries like China have taken education as abasic policy. Also take China for example; we have Hope School in rural and poor country, and also every year many graduators from college schools volunteer to be teachers in these poor villages, where life is inconvenient and hard.

In sum, since the destiny of society is determined by the extent of children's socialization; what we have to do is improve our education for children to follow the pace of the modern world.然后呢？应该再一次点题。

alpskyUID: 2438084

谢谢duyuan3377 ，明天就去改你的作文:)
后来我看了范文的提纲，确实发现自己对socialize没有理解好！现在自己的时间和字数掌握的还不好，还要加把劲啊！

谢谢陈星君~应该是高手吧~:)