麻烦mpromanus 了

oxyzenUID: 2563930

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing a game is fun only when you win. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In a world with a fierce competition, people are likely to seek fun by playing games. Some think that a game is fun only when you win, and others think not. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter.

The idea that a game is fun only when you win gives me a feeling that wining the game is the only thing valuable when we engage in the game. Well, I have to commit that we might gain a sense of success after we have win the game we are engaging in and might gain more fun than we dose not. However, although we feel fun after winning the game, the other advantages that we enjoy taking part in the game can never be neglected and in my opinion, these advantages can bring as much fun as winning the game can, if not more than.

First, as I mentioned above, nowadays, the competition in the world is increasing day by day, we may feel really tired after we come back from work. The game you take part in can act as an effective method of reducing your stress and fatigue. Regardless of what kind of game you are taking, as long as it can bring you a relief and a rest of mind, this game is considered fun in my point of view. As a student, when I come back to dormitory after class, I usually choose to play some sports games like basketball, football etc. I think these games always give me a feeling of fun whether or not I have won the game.

At the same time, by taking part in the multiplayer games I might be able to make some friends of the same interest, or increase the relationship between me and my family members if I am playing the game with my relatives. I do deem this kind of game funny, no matter what the result turn out to be, for there are other significant factors that contribute to the fun part of the game, such as the good cooperation, a good humorous story during the game which makes all the engagers laugh.

From all the points I have discussed above, I strongly hold the position that winning the games is not the only important thing in playing a game, in other words, I disagree with the idea that a game is fun only when you win.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

In a world with a of fierce competitions, people are likely to seek fun by playing games (I don't really get the reasoning. If you're trying to contrast games with competitions, then readers will think the games you talk about are of a relaxing nature. Yet, the 'games' in the question are most likely of a competitive nature because the question talks about winning.). Some think that a game is fun only when you win, and others think not. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter.

The idea that a game is fun only when you win gives me a feeling that wining the game is the only thing valuable when we engage in the game. Well, I have to commit (Do you mean 'admit'?) that we might gain a sense of success after we have won the game we are engaging in, and might gain more fun than if we dose not. However, although (although跟however是同类连词) even if we do feel fun after winning the game, the other advantages that we may enjoy through taking part in the game can never be neglected. and In my opinion, these advantages can bring as much fun as winning the game can, if not more than.

First, as I mentioned above, nowadays, the competition in the world is increasing day by day, we may feel really tired after we come back from work. The game you take part in can act as an effective method of reducing your stress and fatigue. Regardless of what the kind of game you are taking part in, as long as it can bring you a relief and a resting of the mind, this game is considered fun in my point of view. As a student, when I come go back to dormitory after class, I usually choose to play some sports games like basketball, football ('Football' is 橄榄球 in the US. Use 'soccer'.) etc. I think these games always give me a feeling of fun whether or not I have won the game.

At the same time, by taking part in the multiplayer games I might be able to make some friends of the same interest, or increase improve the relationship between me and my family members and me (Remember to always put yourself last in formal writings.) if I am playing the game with my relatives. I do deem this kind of game funny ('Fun' and 'funny' are pretty different ideas.), no matter what the result turns out to be, for there are other significant factors that contribute to the fun part of the game, such as the good cooperation, a good humorous story during the game which makes all the engagers participants laugh.

From all the points I have discussed above, I strongly hold the position that winning the games is not the only important thing in playing a game. In other words, I disagree with the idea that a game is fun only when you win.

总结：

这篇写得不错，逻辑条理清楚完整，主要还需要注意用词的准确 (像come和go混淆的情况实在是不应该出现的)。