作文求拍， 万分感谢

mumuyoUID: 2553151

Do you think it is better to work with other people or work alone? Use reason and examples to support your opinion.

When it comes to the preference on working with others or working alone, people have different choices. In favor of working alone are those people who believe that people will become more independence by this pattern of work. On the other hand, some people, including me, think that working with others is a proper way to cater to the social needs, for the reason that efficiency of work and ability to cooperate with others are necessary in society these days.

First of all, the main reason for my propensity is that people work in group could benefit from specific works which make individuals easier to handle and their work much more efficient. And I think no better illustrate of the idea than the obvious fact that an architectural project is commonly done by a team of people. Many people involve in project including designers of outer space and inter space, engineers response of site and drainage system, as well as a large number of workers who divert graph to reality. With all of those people's endeavor, an architect have been completed. Needless to say, it's impossible for a individual to attain the goal.

Also, another aspect with equal significance of the proposition that working together is a better choice. This demonstrate the fact that a virtue of cooperate with other people throughout the process of work is essential requirement nowadays. There's many method to make a harmonious atmosphere while staying with a group of people, such as tolerance and pleased with sharing.By learning these could cooperate with colleagues well.

Of course, it would probably not be too kindly disposed to working alone is not good, some people hold the idea that this pattern of work could foster one's independence. Though it really make sense, but if comparing with these two preferences, I would rather like working with other people, which has profound effect on my future development

mpromanusUID: 2565872

When it comes to the preference on working with others or working alone, people have different choices. Those in favor of working alone are those people who believe that people will become more independent by this pattern of work. On the other hand, some people, including me, think that working with others is a proper way to cater to the social needs (of people?), for the reason that efficiency of work and ability to cooperate with others are necessary in the society these days.

First of all, the main reason for my propensity is that people working in groups could benefit from specific works which make individuals easier to handle (你是在说团队工作中每个人有更specific的工作雇员就会变得更容易管理，manageable吗? 这逻辑很牵强. 难道不团队工作的时候雇员就不可能有specific的工作了吗? 每个雇员的工作内容应该是由他的直属上司安排，一个雇员有specific的工作内容与否和他是否在一个团队中工作基本无关. 如果你是想说每个人的工作内容很specific就更容易做，这也不一定见得，工作内容specific与否和工作的难度也基本无关..) and their work much more efficient. And I think nothing better illustrates of the idea (请注意句法) than the obvious fact that an architectural project is commonly done by a team of people. Many people are involved in the project (Either people get involved in projects, or the project involves people. People don't involve projects - the word 'involve' is just not used that way.), including designers of outer space and inter space (of the building? The proper words are 'exterior' and 'interior' designers.), engineers responsible of the site and the drainage system, as well as a large number of workers who divert graph to reality (如果你不能100%确定自己用得好一个比喻，就不要用了. 用错了还不如写正确的大白话workers who build the actual building according to the designs.). With all of those people's endeavors, an architecture have been completed. Needless to say, it's impossible for a individual to attain the goal. (这个例子很好，但它哪里说明了你的make individual easier to handle and their work much more efficient这个论点呢？你从这个例子得出的结论是有些project不可能由一个单独的人完成，只能由团队完成 - 完全和你这一段一开头的论点没有关系。议论文的论证要为论点服务 - your points must stick to the question, and your arguments must stick with your points.)

Also, another aspect with equal significance of the proposition that working together is a better choice (句子没写完. another aspect...of the proposition...然后呢? 如果你想说你的论点就是working together is a better choice的话。。这是你的总论点，不是分论点，不能拿来再作为单独的支持论述。道理就是 - 你如果要说明萝卜比青菜好，你不能说因为萝卜比青菜好所以萝卜比青菜好。). This demonstrates the fact that a virtue of cooperation with other people throughout the process of work is an essential requirement nowadays. There're many methods to make a harmonious atmosphere while staying with a group of people, such as tolerance and pleased with sharing (没有这么说的. willingness to share).By learning these (who?) could cooperate with colleagues well. (问题是问你 一个人单独工作好还是和团队共事好，不是问你 员工具备什么素质才能和同事很好地共事。。again, your points must stick to the question.)

Of course, it would probably not be too kindly disposed to working alone is not good (这句很繁琐而且完全不通. 你是想说it's probably not very nice to say working alone is not good吗? 为什么要绕这么大一圈子呢..), some people hold the idea that this pattern of work could foster one's independence. Though it really makes sense, but (though和but是不能在同一个句子里前后同时出现的) if comparing with these two preferences (mentioned above? 你的these是指什么地方呢，these指的是很近的地方 - 这一段之内 - 出现过的东西，你的两个论点是很久之前在别的段落里阐述的，要用也只能用those), I would rather like working with other people, which has profound effects on my future development. (最后一段是总结，重复申明你的主要论点，不要提出之前没阐述过的新内容.)

总结：

套模板的现象很严重，中文直翻现象很多，主要表现在偶尔几个句子需要句法组织能力的时候基本完全写不通，需要用到一些词汇的时候也没有用对 - 所以和模板的句子一比很容易就看出来模板下面你的真实水平是多少。另外第一论点的论述和第二论点整体都非常弱。建议先找些范文来看看议论文具体应该怎么写。另外请注意长句中句子要写完整。

[ 本帖最后由 mpromanus 于 2008-11-30 02:31 编辑 ]

mumuyoUID: 2553151

真是太感谢你了。这几天看范文改范文，感觉进步很大。