第一篇托福作文求狠拍

amyye94UID: 2577518

1.10要考试了~底子不太好~求大侠们帮忙看下~~~小女子感激不尽~

Some people think that earning a high salary is more important thing about a job. Other people think that doing enjoyable job is more important, even if the job does not pay well. Which is more important to you: work that pays well or work that is enjoyable? Give specific reason and example to support your answer.
     

      Perhaps all people long for a job that is enjoyable and paid well at all, actually there is not always such perfect thing existing in our life .Maybe some day we will experience an selection time by offered two jobs : one is well-paid, and the other is full of fun. Which would you like to pick? That is not so tough a problem that I think I can give an answer immediately: of cause I prefer a fat salary.
     
     At the beginning, as everyone knows, in our society people act their own roles to contribute to this world .they also get their reward according to the contribution they made. In another word, salary is a certification of their contribution and in some level demonstrates the ability of a man. For example, a scientist can get a larger salary than the most of others. In my opinion ,the more a person feel being accepted by the society, the happy he or she will be, and then will find more fun in the job. In contract, a job that just pick for joy will hardly be always enjoyable. When the freshness gone, the job will turn boring. Nothing can keep your enthusiasm to it any more.                 
     Secondly,a consideral salary will trigger our bigger passion to the job, and even the more responsibility. Because the trust through the salary is let us believe that we are needed. So we will take more effort to our job as a reply to that trust. But there will be another story in the enjoyable job. An enjoyable job that will be more or less make people feel few of responsibility to. As time goes by, we could learn nothing from it ,no mention to make progress.
     
      And finally, when we take a fine paying job, we get more chances to live an enjoyable life but not only to have an enjoyable job. We can afford to anything we want, for example an amazing travel around the world. Not only for ourselves, we can help other needed people by our earning, that might be a bigger pressure for ourselves.
     
      In a word, I vote for the job that with a great salary, that will make me feel more secure and better in my life.

[ 本帖最后由 amyye94 于 2008-12-1 08:53 编辑 ]

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Perhaps all people (If you are going to use 'a job' later, it's better to match it with 'everyone' here.) long for a job that is enjoyable and paid well at all. (请注意句读) Actually there is not always such a perfect thing existing in our life. Maybe some day we will experience an selection time (没这么说的, I suggest 'face a choice when offered with two jobs') by offered two jobs : one is well-paid, and the other is full of fun. Which would you like to pick? That is not so tough a problem that because I think I can give an answer immediately: of course I prefer a fat salary. (问题是 哪个对你更重要，你最好直接回答哪个*重要*，绕着弯儿旁敲侧击回答问题老美多半会觉得看你文章很费脑力..)

At the beginning (This signals the passage of time rather then logicall sequence. I suggest 'To begin with'.), as everyone knows, in our society people act perform their own roles to contribute to this world .they also get their rewards according to the contributions they made. In another word, salary is a certification of their contributions and in some level demonstrates the ability of a man. For example, a scientist can get a larger higher salary than the most of others. (技术上来说通常不是这样的..) In my opinion ,the more a person feels being accepted by the society, the happier he or she will be, and then will find more fun in the his job. In contrast, a job that just pick for joy will hardly be always enjoyable. When the freshness is gone, the job will turn boring. Nothing can keep your enthusiasm to in it any more. (点题啊点题。。俺简直已经无法再更加强调点题的重要性了。。你的例子很好，但说了半天到底哪个重要这个问题还是没有正面回答。。其实也只需要多写一句话，Therefore salary is more important to me than an enjoyable job because high salary can lead to job satisfaction but not necessarily vice versa. 但是一定要有那个important的字，不然在读者看来就是beat around the bush.)

Secondly,a considerable salary will trigger our bigger more passion towards the job (和第一个观点有些重复), and even the more responsibility in us. Because the trust through the salary is let us believe that we are needed. (很不地道的一句话，We feel needed because of high salaries, which signify that great investment and trust are placed on us. 而且观点也还和第一个...feel accepted重复) So we will take put more efforts to our jobs as a reply to that trust. But there will be another story in for the enjoyable job. An enjoyable job that will be more or less make people feel few of they have less responsibility to. As time goes by, we could learn nothing from it ,not mentioning to make progress. (还是没点题)

And finally, when we take a fine paying jobs, we get more chances to live an enjoyable lives, but not only to have an enjoyable jobs. We can afford to anything we want, for example an amazing travel trip around the world. Not only for ourselves, we can help other needed less previleged people by with our earnings, that might be a bigger pressure (这听起来不像是件好事啊) for ourselves.(最后也没点题)

In a word, I vote for the job that comes with a great salary: that will make me feel more secure and better in my life.

总结：

建议先找些地道的范文看看议论文是怎么写的。。点题是很重要的得分处。。题目是 对你来说钱多和工作开心哪个比较重要，你要确保读者读了你的文章后不会以为你的题目是 哪个比较好。。当然，你可以说我认为比较好的自然是比较重要的嘛，但是不是所有好的东西对每个人来说一定都是重要的，所以你必须把这个道理写出来给读者，他们才能明白你为什么试图用 好 来解释 重要。。

语言上有很多比较不地道的地方，建议多学习地道的词组搭配。

amyye94UID: 2577518

:loveliness: 受益匪浅~~~~谢谢大牛~