作文练习贴

Jodie_310UID: 2439321

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Parents find it harder to control their children for the childrn are now influenced by many things outside home like television o movie.


Nowadays children have access to various kinds of amusement like television or movies. Some parents complain about that because they found it becomes harder to control their kids, while other parents think there is no difference. From where I stand, I am inclined to the former opinion. Among countless factors which contribute to my position are the following conspicuous ones.

First and foremost, watching too many movies and television makes children become isolated, eccentric and inactive. Since children spend too much time on movies and televison, the communication among parents and kids are decreased. A recent study conducted by China Daily shows that children on average spend 3 hours in these activities everyday, whereas their counterparts spent only 1.3 hours in the past. It is a huge difference. There is no denying the fact that the more TV and movies they watch, the less things are talked among kids and parents. Many children deem their parents do not understand them, thus they keep themselves in the door.

Secondly, many televison programs and movies have harmful contents, such as violence, sexual alluring and bloody. Although seeing these things one or two times will not affect children, but watching them many times could mislead children. Since they are too young to know what is right and what is wrong, they may think that what they see in TV and movies are real world, and they tend to be more violent and aggressive. An extreme example is that a teenager killed his teacher just because he dislikes the professor’s teaching style, sadly, he still thought if he does not like someone, he could kill him or her—a direct way in TV and movies.

Last but not least, a large number of children are addicted to televison and movies. Take my nephew for example. Every time he turns on the TV, he just clings to the sofa and no one can draw him to other places. As a result, he cannot concentrate on classes and finish his homework on time. After the last class is over, he runs to home for cartoon programs. His parents found that even there are no interesting programs, he can switch the channel from the first to last, even watch some television commercials. Hence, we can understand why children addicted to TV or movies can not get great performance in their school.

Taking all these factors into consideration, I agree with the statement that it becomes harder for parents to control their children because they are now affected by many things outside home like movies and television.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Nowadays children have access to various kinds of amusement like television or movies. Some parents complain about that because they found it becomes harder to control their kids, while other parents think there is no difference. From where I stand, I am inclined to the former opinion. Among countless factors which contribute to my position are the following conspicuous ones.

First and foremost, watching too many movies and television programs (television是不可数名词，不能用many带) makes children become isolated, eccentric and inactive. Since children spend too much time on movies and televison, the communication among between them and their parents and kids are decreased (You either 'decrease something' or 'something decreases'. You can't make something 'decreased'.). A recent study conducted by China Daily shows that children on average spend 3 hours in these activities (What activities? Watching TV? Communicating with parents?) everyday, whereas their counterparts (Which counterparts? It's better to move 'in the past' after this so readers know which 'counterparts' you're referring to.) spent only 1.3 hours in the past. It is a huge difference. There is no denying the fact that the more TV and movies they watch, the less things are talked among kids and parents. Many children deem that their parents do not understand them, thus they keep themselves in behind the doors (俺承认，俺不厚道，俺想到小孩子'in' the door的场景竟然笑了..). (点题啊。。点题啊。。你的例子很好，但这和父母觉得孩子难管有啥关系呢？Parents don't have chances to execute any disciplinary action over their kids if they can't even talk to them. Thus parents feel kids are harder to control because it's getting difficult to control them directly..一两句话就好)

Secondly, many televison programs and movies have harmful contents, such as violence, sexual alluring hints and bloody/gore. Although seeing these things one or two times (不地道..once or twice) will not affect children, but (though/although和but不能在同个句子连用) watching them many times repeatedly could mislead children. Since they are too young to know what is right and what is wrong, they may think that what they see in TV and movies are is the real world, and they tend to be more violent and aggressive. An extreme example is that a teenager killed his teacher just because he dislikes the professor’s teaching style. (请注意句读) Sadly, he still thought (If you use 'still', it's better to use present tense.) if he does not like someone, he could kill him or her—a direct way in TV and movies. (Which movies/TV demonstrate that? This'd be more persuasive if you cite some specific programs. 另外就是还没点题. 题目是关于管教孩子，而不是关于年轻人的张狂行为..)

Last but not least, a large number of children are addicted to televison and movies. Take my nephew for example. Every time he turns on the TV, he just clings to the sofa and no one can draw him to other places. As a result, he cannot concentrate on classes and finish his homework on time. After the last class is over, he runs to home for cartoon programs. His parents found that even there are no interesting programs, he can switch through the channel from the first to last, even watch some television commercials. Hence, we can understand why children addicted to TV or movies cannot get great performance (不太地道的表达..perform well) in their school.(点题啊点题。。你的例子很好，但是 父母管教 的部分在哪儿呢?)

Taking all these factors into consideration, I agree with the statement that it becomes harder for parents to control their children because they are now affected by many things outside home like movies and television.

总结：

你的语言能力不错，稍微注意下表达和句法就好，少用名词短语，少用被动式，多用动词主动式。

主要的问题是没有点题，而且话题面比较窄。这个题目中的movies and television只是建议，主要的keyword是many things outside home。虽然专注于movies and TV不绝对错，但比较好的做法是至少在一段里提一下除了电影电视还有很多其他类似的家庭外的诱惑 - 比如互联网信息，而且这些东西对孩子的影响力都很大，所以父母很难管，云云。不过和点题的重要性比起来这个问题不算很大。。

Jodie_310UID: 2439321

你改过的帖子我都看过一遍。给很多人提出来的问题都是没点题。

我自己在写这篇的时候，自己也在想这点题的事。可是还是没点到。可能还是不太习惯一个事情开头提一遍，末尾又要重复一遍的方式。还有就是要我重复一遍就等于是要换个说法把观点表达一遍，这个是我的弱项，我怕我没脑子里找不到其他词表达了就干脆不点题了。

其实这个的思路已经参考了新东方的讲义的，有些想法我自己还想不到。哎。。。没思路写起作文来太痛苦了。

ANYWAY，还是要谢谢romanus 的详细点评。学到很多。很有帮助。

12.7就要上战场了   bless me and all people:)