拿起你的砖头给我重重地拍

smart08UID：2549353

考了两次T作文都是fair,不知道问题出在哪..现在要考第三次了!现贴上刚写的作文,希望gter们拍拍让我清醒一下~不一定要全文改,提提意见也可以,谢谢了!
thesis:
Some people want to have a job where they can make or do things with their hands. Other people prefer having a job where they can work with their heads and think. Which type of job do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

As a student with engineer major, I of course prefer to work with my own hand, but I still want to get a job which just uses my think. In my opinion, both types of job are equally important to an entire society.
It is the hand-working people that provide us the material foundation to live. Farmers work with their hands to produce food for us. Workers work with their hands to make up clothes, daily necessities and machine to accommodate our daily life. Masons work with their hands to build house for us. These jobs are tired to work but are vital for our society. It’s hard to imagine how our world will be if no one would like to or is willing to do these jobs. They’re productive jobs and the foundation stone of a society.
If the hand-working jobs are the basic of the society, then the head-working jobs would be the beautiful building above the foundation. People working with their heads and think contribute to make the society progress ahead. With the laws concluded by scientists, technology advances day by day and then we have cars, planes and any other machines to facilitate our life. With the regulations created by the legislator, we have a more orderly society. With the principle stated by the psychologist, we know more about ourselves. What’s more, sometimes we need a direction so we need a leader. Sometimes we need a decision so we need a consultant. Boss, manager and advisor are jobs of this kind. All these are creative jobs and make our life and society more perfect.
Since these two types of job are equally necessary to society, I prefer to have either of them. It’d better there’s a job that I can use my hand and head at the same time, then I can best devote myself on the society.

iamshenglongUID：2427161

我觉得应该要偏向某一个的话就直接写这个的好处，不要写成GRE那样的严密

iamshenglongUID：2427161

我觉得应该要偏向某一个的话就直接写这个的好处，不要写成GRE那样的严密

mpromanusUID：2565872

As a student with majoring in engineering major (engineer是工作，不是学校科目..engineering才是 工科), I of course certainly prefer to work with my own hands, but I still want to get a job which just uses my thinking. In my opinion, both types of job are equally important to an entire society. (问题是 你喜欢做哪一种工作，不是 哪一种工作对社会来说比较重要。你立论的时候就偏题那么下面几乎不用看就是不可能上good的。。这道理就像是上饭店吃饭服务员问你吃米饭还是面条你对服务员说米饭和面条的营养价值都很高。。)

It is the hand-working (没这说法。如果你想说‘手工劳动者’的话是manual workers/laborers) people that provide us the material foundation on which to live. Farmers work with their hands to produce food for us. (Not quite true in the United States, where the farms are highly mechanized.) Workers work with their hands to make up clothes ('make up' usually means to come up with something untrue, e.g. make up an excuse找个借口), daily necessities and machines to accommodate our daily life. Masons work with their hands to build houses for us. These jobs are tiring to work but are vital for our society. It’s hard to imagine how our world will be if no one would like to or is willing to do these jobs. They’re productive jobs and the foundations stone (If you must use the metaphor of a 奠基石, it's a 'cornerstone'.) of a society.

If the hand-working jobs are the basis of the society, then the head-working (Again, 没这说法。‘脑力劳动者’是mental workers/laborers) jobs would be the beautiful buildings above the foundation. People working with their heads and thinking contribute to make the society progress ahead (progress就是往前，没有往后倒退的progress，所以不用重复ahead). With the laws concluded by scientists (Scientists do not 'conclude' 'laws'. They 'theorize' 'scientific laws'. You can't drop the 'scientific' part because 'laws' alone would mean 'civil and criminal laws', i.e. the 'regulations' you mention later in this paragraph.), technology advances day by day, and then (and then连用是口语说法。正式写作不要用) we have cars, planes and any other machines to facilitate (看到不止一次有人用facilitate来表示make easier的意思 - 但是facilitate不能和make easier换用..) our lives. With the regulations created by the legislators (See comment above. Legislators make laws. Civil administrators make regulations. They are different entities. Also, a country may have more than one legislative body and many 'legislators' serving in these legislative bodies.), we have a more orderly society. With the principles stated by the psychologists, we know more about ourselves. What’s more, sometimes we need a direction so we need a leader. Sometimes we need a decision so we need a consultant. Bosses, managers and advisors are jobs of this kind. All these are creative jobs and make our lives and society more perfect.

Since these two types of job are equally necessary to the society, I prefer to have either of them (If you prefer to have EITHER of two things, you don't have a preference at all.). It’d better that there’s a job that in which I can use my hands and head at the same time, then I can best devote myself on to the society.

总结：

语言方面尚可，就是偏题。。文章里回答的问题和题目问的问题完全不是同一个问题。。如果给俺的英文老师看她会看完第一段就直接给你不及格的。。-_- 请写完之后问问自己，如果有读者不看问题来读我的文章，他能大致还原出原来的问题吗？如果不能那多半就是偏题。。

另外请注意语言还有些不地道的地方。用中文比喻翻译过去是很容易写出不地道的东西的，所以建议最好别用，除非你完全胸有成竹。。

smart08UID：2549353

看完你的comment还真是醍醐灌顶矛塞顿开啊!尤其那个manual worker and mental worker,我怎么就没想到呢..可惜偏题了,早知道再写过另一篇让你改改, 不过起码我知道自己在立题方面还是要注意一下. 后天就要考试了, 对我帮助很大, 如果能说一下这个题目应该怎么写就更好了,哈哈.Anyway, Thank you very much!