【12月-1月IBT综合备考大帖】之【TWE作文】第二次作业

泡面UID: 2513568

Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In this competitive society,we always can hear a lot of stories about success and endeavor to derive experiences from those successful people.Some people holds that success in life comes from taking risks or chances while others dipute that success results from careful planning.From my piont of view,both of these factors should be takn into consideration.
First of all,people who want to be successful should always busy making preparation instead of fooling around doing nothing but wait.Only by constant persperation to lay a solid founfation for one's future life can people step into the door of success.Let's take Gan---legend people in the American film,for example.Was he really a legend?Definitely not.Gan can be appreciatied by audiance not because of his outstanding ability of running,just dues to his brave heart to life.He moved people around him by his ingenuity and endurity.Whenever people saw him,he was always in the state of running,never stop.In brief,the words of "give up"never comes into his mind.As an old saying goes liek this"Chance comes when you have got fully preparation."
On the other hand,making careful plan for one's life cannot be neglected also.Nowdays,people confornted with more and more heavy pressure with the rapid development of the society.People must keep pace coherently with the giant gear of the society to make sure not to be ruled out.So,a detailed and elaborate schedule is eagerly needed for comtemporary people.Only working in step by step cold people aviod of getting confused or depressed by massive of work.Being sure of your routine in life and taking action on it day by day will lead people to a distinct and successful way.
At last,it comes to take chances and risks.People who want to achieve success must have to be alert at anytime.Actually,two things mentioned above are merely solid foundation people have to lay before.Having a sensitive insight plays an important role on one's way to success.For instance,Bill Gates---the most wealthy person in the wordl, is an obvious example.He himself has a deep interest in computer and cathches a big chance to put his capability into action to realise his dream.Maybe there are countless people who are genuion than him,but it was him who abandont his glorious degree in university and take the chance to create a legend in person.
In conclusion,as success is long and tough way,there is no cut way to success,both chances and careful plan are significant that cannot be neglected.

:handshake

aesrevoylfUID: 2442700

Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.寄托家园

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留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA'^Q4W#r"UtgQ-c0z
In this competitive society, we always can (can always) hear a lot of stories about success and endeavor to derive experiences from those successful people. Some people holds (hold) that success in life comes from taking risks or chances while others dipute (dispute) that success results from careful planning. From my piont of view, both of these factors should be takn (taken) into consideration.寄托家

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First of all, people who want to be successful should always busy making preparation instead of fooling around doing nothing but waiting. Only by constant persperation (perspiration) to lay a solid founfation for one's future life, can people step into the door of success. Let's take Gan---legend (Forrest Gump)people in the（an） American film, for example(是否应放在句首，句尾的话是否可以用，as an example). Was he really a legend? Definitely not. Gan can be appreciatied by audiance(audience) not because of his outstanding ability of running, just dues to his brave heart to life. He moved people around him by his ingenuity and endurity. Whenever people saw him, he was always in the state of running, never stop. In brief, the words of "give up" never comes into his mind. As an old saying goes liek(like) this "Chance comes when you have got fully preparation."

On the other hand, making careful plan for one's life cannot be neglected also. Nowdays, people confornted (confronted) with more and more heavy pressure with the rapid development of the society. People must keep pace coherently with the giant gear of the society to make sure not to be ruled out. So, a detailed and elaborate schedule is eagerly needed for comtemporary (contemperary) people. Only working in step by step cold (could)people aviod of getting confused or depressed by massive of work. Being sure of your routine in life and taking action on it day by day will lead people to a distinct and successful way.

At last, it comes to take chances and risks. People who want to achieve success must have to be alert at anytime. Actually, two things mentioned above are merely solid foundation people have to lay before. Having a sensitive insight plays an important role on one's way to success. For instance, Bill Gates---the most wealthy (wealthiest) person in the wordl (world), is an obvious example. He himself has a deep interest in computer and cathches (catches) a big chance to put his capability into action to realise (realize) his dream. Maybe there are countless people who are (more) genuion than him, but it was him who abandont (abandon) his glorious degree in university and take the chance to create a legend in person.

In conclusion, as success is a long and tough way, there is no cut way to success, both chances and careful plans are significant that cannot be neglected.

1，首先提个建议，请您下次发文章时，先用word--工具--拼写和语法错误---先修改后再发贴。
2，本文行文，流畅，持成功来源于认真准备和计划的观点，同时也说明了抓住机遇的重要性。例子也挺贴切，很值得我学习。
3，另外，附Forrest Gump简介，供参考，阿甘是很多方面，很好的例子，值得认真总结一下。
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forrest_Gump
Forrest GumpFrom Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaJump to: navigation, search
This article is about the 1994 film. For other uses, see Forrest Gump (disambiguation).
Forrest Gump
Theatrical release posterDirected byRobert ZemeckisProduced byWendy Finerman
Steve Tisch
Charles NewirthWritten byScreenplay:
Eric Roth
Novel:
Winston GroomNarrated byTom HanksStarringTom Hanks
Robin Wright
Gary Sinise
Mykelti Williamson
Sally FieldMusic byAlan SilvestriCinematographyDon BurgessEditing byArthur SchmidtDistributed byParamount PicturesRelease date(s)July 6, 1994Running time141 minCountryUnited StatesLanguageEnglishBudget$55,000,000Gross revenue$677,387,716Forrest Gump is a 1994 comedy-drama film based on the 1986 novel of the same name by Winston Groom; it is named after the title character of both. The film was a huge commercial success, earning US$677 million worldwide during its theatrical run making it the top grossing film in North America released that year. The film garnered a total of thirteen Academy Award nominations, of which it won six, including Best Picture, Best Visual Effects, Best Director, (Robert Zemeckis), and Best Actor (Tom Hanks).
The film tells the story of a man and his epic journey through life meeting historical figures, influencing popular culture and experiencing first-hand historic events of the 20th century while being largely unaware of their significance, due to his low intelligence. The film differs substantially from the book on which it was based.

泡面UID: 2513568

非常非常感谢aesrevoylf,交的太急了……下次一定注意。
非常感谢Forrest Gump的链接！！！

还有觉得结尾很仓促……不知道写什么了……

glamorouskyUID: 2459211

ock11同学为什么没有及时修改泡面的作业 等一下我来修改

泡面UID: 2513568

原帖由 glamorousky 于 2008-12-6 13:43 发表
ock11同学为什么没有及时修改泡面的作业 等一下我来修改

万分谢谢~
:loveliness:

glamorouskyUID: 2459211

In this competitive society,we always can [can always] hear a lot of stories about success and endeavor to derive experiences from those successful people[这一句有些问题 是想表达听说过很多人从成功人士那得到成功的经验吗 derive from的用法一般中间是不加的 可以写A lot of stories have been heard that success derive from experiences of those successful people ].Some people holds that success in life comes from taking risks or chances while others dipute[dispute] that success results from careful planning.From my piont of view,both of these factors [both即可]should be takn into consideration.

First of all,people who want to be successful should always busy making preparation [for...]instead of fooling around doing nothing but wait.Only by constant persperation[拼写 accumulation是不是更好] to lay a solid founfation[foundation] for one's future life can people step into the door of success.Let's take Gan---legend[legengary] people in the American film,for example.Was he really a legend?Definitely not.Gan can be appreciatied by audiance not because of his outstanding ability of running,just dues to his brave heart to life[这句可以用句式the reason why...is not that...].He moved people around him by his ingenuity and endurity.Whenever people saw him,he was always in the state of running,never stop[两个谓语 without ceasing].In brief,the words of "give up"never comes into his mind.As an old saying goes liek this[去掉like this]"Chance comes when you have got fully preparation."

On the other hand,making careful plan for one's life cannot be neglected also.[making carful plan不是包含在make preparation中么]Nowdays,people confornted[confronted] with more and more heavy pressure with the rapid development of the society.People must keep pace coherently with the giant gear of the society to make sure not to be ruled out.So,a detailed and elaborate schedule is eagerly needed for comtemporary people[society  contemporary一般不修饰人].Only working in[不需in step by step是副词的词性] step by step cold[could] people aviod of[去掉of] getting confused or depressed by massive of[去of] work.Being sure of your routine in life and taking action on it day by day will lead people to a distinct and successful way.

At last,it comes to take chances and risks.People who want to achieve success must have to be alert at anytime[这两句可以合并一句 when it comes to...后面不变].Actually,two things mentioned above are merely solid foundation people have to lay before.Having a sensitive insight plays an important role on one's way to success.For instance,Bill Gates---the most wealthy person in the wordl[world], is an obvious example.He himself has a deep interest in computer and cathches[catches可以用seize] a big chance to put his capability into action to realise his dream.Maybe there are countless people who are genuion[more genius] than him,but it was him who abandont[abandoned] his glorious degree in university and take the chance to create a legend in person.

In conclusion,as success is long and tough way,there is no cut way[short cut] to success,both chances and careful plan are significant that cannot be neglected.

段与段注意空行 注意单词的拼写
楼主的观点是两方都重要 body的第一段先论述了做准备的重要性 但是与第二段的做详细计划的关系没有交代清楚啊
句型和短语的运用比较恰当
加油吧

[ 本帖最后由 glamorousky 于 2008-12-6 16:55 编辑 ]

泡面UID: 2513568

非常感谢~！！！
就要这样被狠批的感觉……
嘿嘿
要加油了！

泡面UID: 2513568

Several decades ago, people just had few ways to receive information from outside world. Therefore, reading newspaper may be the most effective approach to broaden one's horizon. Gradually, it becomes a kind of routine that people never forget to do it in daily life. With the rapid development of modern technique, television appears in the sight of people. At this time, some people may doubt that does television news provide us enough information? My answer is definitely yes. I'd like to give elaborate illustration below to demonstrate my opinion.

First of all, there are more and more channels in today's television for people to choose. It is because of the attractiveness of tremendous profit in this media, especially advertisement. More and more people have come to realize so that they would like to devote themselves into the career of television. Then this phenomena triggers the surge of channels as well as the quality of television program. The more channels there are, the broader one's choices will be. So people can choose in will. For example, some leaders of the company are interested in economic; they can turn to the economy channel to obtain the trend of economy of the world maybe that will benefit them in altering the management in their companies. Some ladies are passionate about shopping, don't worry, television will provide them the latest products of fashion trend, so that they will always stand in the front of fashion. As a matter of fact, television contains more various kind of information than newspaper does.

On the other hand, the crucial aspect of information is its freshness, in other words, the speed of the media. The quicker you get information, the more you will get. Obviously, television transfers much faster than newspaper. For instance, when the frightening incidents of 911 happened, people around the world just need to turn on TV to clearly see what's happening now in one corner of the world. Moreover, it is presented in a vivid and animus way. People in front of TV can feel the same sorrow and horror as the victims in America through picture and sound performed by TV. However, if people read newspaper, they will get this information later because it takes some time to print the large quantities of newspaper.

In conclusion, television plays a more significant role in transmitting information in the modern world as it provides information of every aspect we need.

aphasiafifiUID: 2475704

Several decades ago, people just had few ways to receive information from outside world. Therefore, reading newspaper may be the most effective approach to broaden one's horizon. Gradually, it becomes a kind of routine that people never（这个用的太绝对了）forget to do it in daily life. With the rapid development of modern technique/technology, television appears in the sight of people（不确定这样的用法）. At this time, some people may doubt that does television news provide us enough information? My answer is definitely yes. I'd/would(写作为较正式问题，不建议用缩写) like to give elaborate这词夸张了/some illustrations below to demonstrate my opinion.

First of all, there are more and more channels in/on today's television for people to choose. It is because of the attractiveness of tremendous profit in this media, especially advertisement. More and more people have come to realize so that they would like to devote themselves into the career of television. (这句话跑题了，电视广告跟电视新闻关系不太大。你要比较的是新闻比报纸涵盖更多咨询) Then this phenomena triggers the surge of channels as well as the quality of television program.（电视广告有利可图不能直接导致电视节目质量高，顶多导致广告质量高。逻辑有些混乱。） The more channels there are, the broader one's choices will be. So people can choose in will/ by their own preference. For example, some leaders of the company are interested in economic; they can turn to the economy channel to obtain the trend of economy/the economical trend (连续的of尽量不要用)of the world, and maybe that will benefit them in altering the management in their companies. Some ladies are passionate about/with shopping, don't worry, (这个太口语了) television will provide them the latest products of fashion trend, so that they will always stand in the front of fashion. As a matter of fact, television contains more various kind of information than newspaper does.

On the other hand, the crucial aspect of information is its freshness, in other words, the speed of the media. The quicker you get information, the more you will get. Obviously, television transfers much faster than newspaper. For instance, when the frightening incidents/0 of 911 happened, people around the world just need to turn on TV to clearly see what's happening now in one corner这个加在这里意义不大 of the world. (质疑一下，911咱看的也不是同步吧……除非是现场报道，不然任何消息都是有滞后性的。例子很好，但是表达的方式欠佳。可以说比如报纸就不如电视能做到现场报道。然后再插入这个例子。) Moreover, it/Television （不然会有指代不明的嫌疑。表达新观点的时候要把名词再强调一下） is presented in a vivid and animus? way. through picture and sound performed by TV, (我觉得放前面更能表达清楚，不然容易写成run on sentence)People in front of TV can feel the same sorrow and horror as the victims in America. However,(上句你还在说人们可以通过电视感同身受，这句突然转换成人们通过报纸不能马上了解，跳tone跳的有点远……把这个however放在前面可以跟他直接形成对比的地方吧) if people read newspaper, they will get this information later because it takes some time to print the large quantities of newspaper.

In conclusion, television plays a more significant role in transmitting information in the modern world as it provides information of every aspect we need.
1.       楼主语法不错。目前是我改的最省力的一个。但要注意一些介词的搭配问题。
2.       切题的问题。避免这种问题的方法就是一边写一边想：我现在写的东西有没有回答题目的问题？比如这篇是问你人们觉得电视新闻没有办法帮助人们了解清楚新闻。那你重点就应该在反驳电视可以帮人们了解新闻，通过什么方式了解。而不是回答我们通过电视可以了解什么资讯。
3.       逻辑安排的应该更好一些。打个提纲就好了。

泡面UID: 2513568

恩，受益匪浅，谢谢aphasiafifi
其实我自己写的时候就在想是不是有点跑了？但是…实在不知道写什么了，就硬着头皮写了……呵呵