12，13考，请批改，建议

wuxu840217UID: 2568019

题目：是否该付老师更多钱 因为学生表现好了？

Teachers always have high social status and could gain respect from all
the classes of people in society through out history just because they
play important rolls in the development of our offspring and could influence
the future of our society from many aspects. Hence, teachers have responsibility
to do their best to teach their students and make them perform well, in other
words, pay more money to the teachers whose students have better performance
is unnecessary. What is more, it is very difficult to value students' performance
properly and give their teacher relative salary according to the judgment.

Firstly, every citizen in the society has their own roll to play and should have the
sense of responsibility to do his or her job as well as possible. For example,
the duty of workers in factory is producing goods that of good quality and the
responsibility of taxi driver is taking us to the right place in time, will we
pay them more just because they finish what they are supposed to do? Hardly. So
it is definitely not necessary to pay teachers more money because they have done
their work well and that policy, in my mind, may make teachers take it for granted
for a higher salary for well work and may be not willing to try their best to get
their work done if they are not given money they satisfied with.

Secondly, it is hard to judge which performance of students is batter than others
because there is no such specific standard to value that and it may have nothing
to do with their teacher if some students perform properly. The fundamental motivation
of parents to send their children to school is to let them get academic achievement, but It
is too superficial just value the students by their grades because there are many other
important things that children could learn in school such as socialization ability, which
could no doubt benefit people greatly through their life. Moreover, some students behave
well may because there would like to be a good student or their parents have the good
influence on them, so it is not fair enough to give their teacher reward for their good performance in this situation.

Admittedly, it may include a couple of advantages in this policy such as it could enhance
the enthusiasm of teachers towards their work and may establish a positive competition among
teachers. However, the unstable elements of this policy are considerable and it need further
consideration to make the policy feasible and meaningful.

真的非常感激您对我作文的批改（第3篇了），确实对我帮助很大，下周上考场了，不管结果怎样，很感谢您！！！
令：对综合写作语态问题想请教您一下:
a view showed in the listening material was that the policy has good influence
a view showed in the reading was that the policy has bad influence.
每句中三个事态是否恰当？showed，was，has
谢谢！！！

mpromanusUID: 2565872

题目太模糊，不知道具体讨论要求是什么，所以基本只能改语法。。

Teachers always have high social status and could gain respect from all the classes of people in the society throughout history just because they play important roles in the development of our offsprings and could influence the future of our society from many aspects. Hence, teachers have the responsibility to do their best to teach their students and make them perform well, in other words, paying more money to the teachers whose students have better performance is unnecessary (because it's ALREADY their responsibility? I didn't get the logic very clearly.). What is more, it is very difficult to evaluate ('Value' normally means to measure the monetary value of something like jewellery, not some person.) students' performance properly and give their teachers relative salaries according to the judgment.

Firstly, every citizen in the society has their his own role to play and should have the sense of responsibility to do his or her job as well as possible. For example, the duty of workers in a factory is to produce (少用动名词。很拗口) goods that of good quality, and the responsibility of a taxi driver is to take us to the right place in time. Will we pay them more just because they finish what they are supposed to do? Hardly. So (正式写作不要用and, but, so来起句。用therefore) it is definitely not necessary to pay teachers more money because they have done their work well, and that policy, in my mind opinion, may make teachers take it for granted that for a higher salary will be paid for well good work, and may be not willing to try their best to get their work done if they are not given the salaries money they are satisfied with.

Secondly, it is hard to judge which performance of students is perform better than others because there is no such specific standard to evaluate that, and it (What? Performance? Standard?) may have nothing to do with their teacher if some students perform properly (Do you mean 'well'? If you don't like to repeat 'well', you may use other words like 'excellent'). The fundamental motivation of parents to send their children to school is to let them get academic achievements, but it is too superficial to just evaluate the students by their grades because there are many other important things that children could learn in school such as socialization abilities, which could no doubt benefit people greatly through their lives. Moreover, some students may behave well may (请避免用中文式的词语顺序。。) because there would like to be a good student (I didn't get this part. Do you mean '...they would like to be good students'?) or their parents have the good influences on them, so it is not fair enough to give their teacher monetary reward for their good performance in this situation.

Admittedly, it may include a couple of advantages in this policy (标准不地道句序。。Use 'This policy may include a couple of advantages...' 多用主动式，少用不必要的分句) such as it could enhancing the enthusiasm of teachers towards their work and may establishing a positive competition among teachers. However, the unstable elements of this policy are considerable and it needs further considerations to make the policy feasible and meaningful.

总结：

语言方面不错，请注意拼写和细节的语法。。另外请注意词语句子顺序，避免不地道的句序和拗口的用法。

另外回答你的问题：

a view showed in the listening material was that the policy has good influence
a view showed in the reading was that the policy has bad influence.

首先showed是错的，应该是shown..另外一般的、普遍的描述性的句子应该用现在时，被描述的内容用本身的时态，所以正确的应该是这样：a view shown in the listening material is that the policy has/had(描述听力内容一般用过去时，描述阅读内容一般还用现在时，除非阅读中已经用了过去时) good influence.

[ 本帖最后由 mpromanus 于 2008-12-9 01:31 编辑 ]