【12月-1月IBT综合备考大帖】之【TWE作文】12.7号作业-闹闹喵×

闹闹喵UID: 2500331

100 percent I support the idea that work creates happiness. And those who thought a wonderful life should only consist of relaxation and entertainment will probably end up in miserable destiny.

Work here not only involves the job you do to earn money, in fact it should be regarded as an behavior  human creating values. We work, thus we live. Working fulfills our self-worth, gives us self-identities. You can't assess yourself by what you consume, only what you produce can tell that. That's why we don't take music fancier serious, because listening is the thing that anybody else can do. Only by creating some piece of good music can he conclude that he's not a dispensable person in this field. That's why most tycoons keep working while knowing that money is for ever not a problem he need to concern in the rest of the life.

No respect or attention will last long if one don't create value to show the importance of his existence, in due time he'll become invisible to the society. And gradually, he'll lost his self-confidence, and the willingness to survive. Even worse it'll bring self-abandonment and moral corruption. In the movie American Psycho, Patrick Bateman throwing away his father's money every night in the underground clubs, bars, divine restaurants and so on. Time is spent during the daytime by playing word puzzle, listening music, or drawing sorts of sick tasted pictures in his so-called office room. Without working he can only gains satisfaction by wenching or defeating all his comrades on luxury expenditure and taste. Such inanity dominates his life, slowly driving him insane. He killed a colleague only because the man got a fancy restaurant reservation while he himself can' not. Another one was murdered for having more elegant namecards than this lunatic. Sure the story is fictional, but literally mirrors how pathetic a person who do not work because he have enough money can be.

You might think that I come up with this conclusion because I'm envy those rich people. Well, for all my life what I cherish most is that I can do the work which I'm fond of, and money is the last that matters. A rich life without working is nothing but hell.

泡面UID: 2513568

100 percent I support the idea that work creates happiness. And those who thought (think) a wonderful life should only consist of relaxation and entertainment will probably end up in miserable destiny.
#o,m0W U8[ Z­o
Work here not only involves the job you do to earn money, in fact it should be regarded as an behavior  human creating values (有点别扭，是否应改为of creating human values). We work, thus we live. Working fulfills our self-worth, gives us self-identities. You can't assess yourself by what you consume, only what you produce can tell that. That's why we don't take music fancier serious, because listening is the thing that anybody else can do. Only by creating some piece （pieces） of good music can he conclude that he's not a dispensable person in this field. That's why most tycoons keep working while  （改为although they know or while they know） knowing that money is for ever not a problem he need to concern in the rest of the life.

No respect or attention will last long if one don't create value to show the importance of his existence, in due time he'll become invisible to the society. And gradually, he'll lost his self-confidence, and the willingness to survive. Even worse it'll bring self-abandonment and moral corruption. In the movie American Psycho, Patrick Bateman throwing away his father's money every night in the underground clubs, bars, divine restaurants and so on. Time is spent during the daytime by playing word puzzle, listening music, or drawing sorts of sick tasted pictures in his so-called office room. Without working he can only gains satisfaction by wenching  (wrench) or defeating all his comrades on luxury (luxurious) expenditure and taste. Such inanity dominates his life, slowly driving (drives) him insane. He killed a colleague only because the man got a fancy restaurant reservation while he himself can' not. Another one was murdered for having more elegant namecards (name cards) than this lunatic. Sure the story is fictional, but literally mirrors how pathetic a person who do (does) not work because he have enough money can be.(maybe you should add the end of the story illustrate more clearly)


You might think that I come up with this conclusion because I'm envy (envy作为名词应该为envy at or of sth,动词前面应该省掉am) those rich people. Well, for all my life what I cherish most is that I can do the work which I'm fond of, and money is the last that matters. A rich life without working is nothing but hell.

1,行文流畅，例证准确，而且这个故事的例子也很吸引人眼球
2，注意词性，单词的变化
3，各段前应该加适当的连接词，使整个文章构架清晰
4，结尾有点匆忙，而且没有跟开头呼应上

[ 本帖最后由 泡面 于 2008-12-7 22:53 编辑 ]

yxx19870504UID: 2404670

100 percent I support the idea that work creates happiness. And those who thought a wonderful life should only consist of relaxation and entertainment will probably end up in miserable destiny.这个开头会不会比较白话了呢?

Work here not only involves the job you do to earn money, in fact it should be regarded as an behavior  human creating values. We work, thus we live. Working fulfills our self-worth, gives us self-identities. You can't assess yourself by what you consume, only what you produce can tell that. That's why we don't take music fancier serious, because listening is the thing that anybody else can do. Only by creating some piece of good music can he conclude that he's not a dispensable person in this field. That's why most tycoons keep working while knowing that money is for ever not a problem he need to concern in the rest of the life. 这个例子看不懂

No respect or attention will last long if one don't create value to show the importance of his existence, in due time he'll become invisible to the society. And gradually, he'll lost his self-confidence, and the willingness to survive. Even worse it'll bring self-abandonment and moral corruption. In the movie American Psycho, Patrick Bateman throwing away his father's money every night in the underground clubs, bars, divine restaurants and so on. Time is spent during the daytime by playing word puzzle, listening music, or drawing sorts of sick tasted pictures in his so-called office room. Without working he can only gains satisfaction by wenching or defeating all his comrades on luxury expenditure and taste. Such inanity dominates his life, slowly driving him insane. He killed a colleague only because the man got a fancy restaurant reservation while he himself can' not. Another one was murdered for having more elegant namecards than this lunatic. Sure the story is fictional, but literally mirrors how pathetic a person who do not work because he have enough money can be.

You might think that I come up with this conclusion because I'm envy those rich people. Well, for all my life what I cherish most is that I can do the work which I'm fond of, and money is the last that matters. A rich life without working is nothing but hell.结尾太匆忙,应该总结一下,不然觉得有点应付


p.s. 真的对不起 晚回复了!~ 个人语法不好 只能从内容上提点意见, anyway 总体还是很不错的,文字功底很好,继续加油!