【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】12月10日作业transformers

transformersUID: 2307599

Is it better to spend money on something that lasts long time, such as an expensive piece of jewelry, or spend on something that provides a short-term pleasure, such as a vacation?


Choose jewelry or vacation? There is no consensus among people. Some argue that jewelry is the mark of wealth and could build people's self-confidence. On the other side of the leaf, others, including me, are convinced that short-term pleasure, like vacation, offers citizens more. My reasons will be presented as follows.


There are two fundamental arguments to support my claim; the first one has to go on the aspect of mental healthy. For one thing, there is no denying that jewelry just satisfies people's self confidence. Such kinds of confidence will lead people to thirty to wealth which is harmful to citizens’ psychology health. For another, vacation could help people to relax and lighten the intense of work press, especially for the full time works even workaholics. As a result of this, the workers or officers will enhance their relationship of family and have a good memory. A survey conducted by Global Traveler Committee indicates that most full time job worker choose a short time vacation per year.

In addition, why there are so many people are fond of vacation is that this kind of short term pleasure will, in turn, enhance their chance and ability of careers. On one hand, it is universally acknowledged that after their vacation the careers will full of energy (精力充沛怎么说)which is not available on jewelry. Nothing is more significant than energy to a careers’ enthusiasm of work. Besides, we can not emphasize the significant of vacation experience too much. Because the fresh social life style during the vacation will inspire employees’ creativity which will surely help their further career.

Nevertheless, one argument, also the one I find most compelling against my claim, is that jewelry is a mark of wealth which should build up people's self-confidence. Although I concede this point, in my observation, this kind of self-confidence will also offered by vacations. One needs look no further than successful people to find ample evidence that is the case. For instance,  most successful(帮我换个好点同义词) citizens both on government and business are rarely wear much jewelry, but most of them will spend on money on short time vacation to play with their family which will also bring them self confidence by their harmony family.


In sum, this issue is a complex one, requires subjective judgments. Thus, jewelry surely provides people mental confidence, but it just satisfies the (vanity?虚荣不会说) of people, for more fundamental human need, such as enthusiasm of jobs and psychology healthy, are well met by short time pleasure, like vacation. In the financial analysis, so significant the short time pleasure is that we can not afford to ignore them. Consequently, it is better to spend money on vacation than jewelry.

LonelydanceUID: 2456465

    Choose jewelry or vacation? There is no consensus among people. Some argue that jewelry is the mark of wealth and could build people's self-confidence. On the other side of the leaf, others, including me, are convinced that short-term pleasure, like vacation, offers citizens more. My reasons will be presented as follows.  (感觉第一句话引出的下文使得话题变窄了,第一段最好总括式的讨论short term thing OR Long term thing, 而不是专门拣出代表性的事物来进行讨论)  
    There are two fundamental arguments to support my claim; the first one has to go on the aspect of mental healthy(health). For one thing, there is no denying that jewelry just satisfies people's self confidence.Such kinds of confidence will lead people to thirty to wealth which is harmful to citizens’ psychology health. For another, vacation could help people to relax and lighten the intense of work press, especially for the full time works even workaholics. As a result of this, the workers or officers will enhance their relationship of family and have a good memory. A survey conducted by Global Traveler Committee indicates that most full time job worker choose a short time vacation per year.
      In addition, why there are so many people are fond of vacation is that this kind of short term pleasure will, in turn, enhance their chance and ability of careers. On one hand, it is universally acknowledged that after their vacation the careers will full of energy (精力充沛怎么说 will be more energic)which is not available on jewelry. Nothing is more significant than energy to a careers’ enthusiasm of work. Besides, we can not emphasize the significant (significance)of vacation experience too much. Because the fresh social life style during the vacation will inspire employees’ creativity which will surely help their further career.
     Nevertheless, one argument, also the one I find most compelling against my claim, is that jewelry is a mark of wealth which should build up people's self-confidence. Although I concede this point, in my observation, this kind of self-confidence will also offered by vacations. One needs look no further than successful people to find ample evidence that is the case. (语言不错,但简化些会让人看着更舒服)For instance,  most successful(帮我换个好点同义词) citizens both on government and business are rarely wear much jewelry, but(but excluded) most of them (they)will spend on(on exculded) money on short time vacation to play with their family which will also bring them self confidence by their harmony family.( correct as" enjoy good time with their family members, gaining their confidence by realizing they have a harmonious family)
    In sum, this issue is a complex one, requires subjective judgments. Thus, jewelry surely provides people mental confidence, but it just satisfies the (vanity?虚荣不会说) of people, for more fundamental human need, such as enthusiasm of jobs and psychology healthy, are well met by short time pleasure, like vacation. In the financial analysis, so significant the short time pleasure is that we can not afford to ignore them. Consequently, it is better to spend money on vacation than jewelry.
         点评: 本文语言流畅,有理有据,甚至有数据的"出处".这点不错.但是,话题似乎只局限于珠宝与旅游之间的取舍而已,若能把理论一般化,与long term 和short term更贴近些就更好了

[ 本帖最后由 Lonelydance 于 2008-12-11 12:59 编辑 ]

bjleoUID: 2480273

Is it better to spend money on something that lasts long time, such as an expensive piece of jewelry, or spend on something that provides a short-term pleasure, such as a vacation? (这句话是不是有点太长)
Choose jewelry or vacation? There is no consensus among people. Some argue that jewelry is the mark of wealth and could build people's self-confidence. On the other side of the leaf, (直接on the side是不是好点) others, including me, are convinced that short-term pleasure, like vacation, offers citizens more. My reasons will be presented as follows.,
There are two fundamental arguments to support my claim; the first one has to go on the aspect of mental healthy. For one thing, there is no denying that jewelry just satisfies people's self confidence. (句式不错) Such kinds of confidence will lead people to thirty to wealth which is harmful to citizens’ psychology health. (which 前面加逗号) For another, vacation could help people to relax and lighten the intense of work press (relax 本身就是放松 不能说relax intense可以改成relieve?), especially for the full time works even workaholics. As a result of this(直接用as a result是不是好点), the workers or officers will enhance their relationship of family and have a good memory. A survey conducted by Global Traveler Committee indicates that most full time job worker choose a short time vacation per year.(不错的例子)
In addition, why there are (the reason that) so many people are fond of vacation is that this kind of short term pleasure will, in turn, enhance their chance and ability of careers. On one hand, it is universally acknowledged that after their vacation the careers (the employee has more energy to work)will full of energy (精力充沛怎么说)(that can not be attainted from jewelry) which is not available on jewelry. Nothing is more significant than energy to a careers’ enthusiasm of work. Besides, we can not emphasize the significant of vacation experience too much. Because the fresh social life style during the vacation will inspire employees’ creativity which will surely help their further career.

Nevertheless, one argument, also the one I find most compelling against my claim, is that jewelry is a mark of wealth which should (that can)build up people's self-confidence. Although I concede this point, in (from?) my observation, this kind of self-confidence will
(can also be offered by vacation) also offered by vacations. One needs look no further than successful people to find ample evidence that is the case. For instance,  most successful(帮我换个好点同义词) citizens both on government and business are rarely wear much jewelry, but most of them will spend on money on short time vacation to play with their family which will also bring them self confidence by their harmony family.
In sum, this issue is a complex one, requires subjective judgments. Thus, jewelry surely provides people mental confidence, but it just satisfies the (vanity?虚荣不会说 feeling?) of people, for more fundamental human need, such as enthusiasm of jobs and psychology healthy, are well met by short time pleasure, like vacation. In the financial analysis, so significant the short time pleasure is that we can not afford to ignore them. Consequently, it is better to spend money on vacation than jewelry.

整体不错 论述丰富 句式多变
有些句子表达不是很流畅 可能跟选词有关