【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】12月11日作业 by greenpalm

greenpalmUID: 2391324

All people have their own career in the world. It is common that all people play distinct but irreplaceable roles in the society .Thus we should not judge a person's value only by the quantity of one's payment. Just as casting doubt on the difference in payment among teachers, doctors, lawyers and business leaders.
      First of all. The four dispositions are under extremely different background that may be supported either by personal or government, which means the power of charging on the salary could be either on the individual owner or officers of a department in government. In this case, Our pay,no matter whether you are a doctor or a teacher, even a political leader, should be in the equal percentage as the interests of our boss.
     Second, We have no evidence to say that teacher should be pay the same as any of other jobs. Quite the opposite, Teachers in school may earn far more less than a doctor in a hospital because the educational finance are actually can not be at breast to the total income of a hospital which are bound to bare more responsibilities and risks that should in turn be deserved more .
     Third, The criteria in judging the payment of all different jobs is a complex system that has been estimated by every society in different times according to the need of the people, For example: a soldier may earn more money than a business man in wartime. Furthermore, There are other factors to estimate the payment for every jobs, such as the working time, the efficiency of each worker and the work’s location.etc.
     In conclusion, As we had mentioned above. Every job is different and thus can not only be judge simply on the payment. Neither the payment could be change only by the name of each job.

不客气，请严厉指正！THks！战友辛苦了～:)

nickey0809UID: 2349468

第一句换成 All careers have their existence value in the world.
Just as casting doubt on the difference in payment among teachers, doctors, lawyers and business leaders. 谓语，宾语呢
should be in the equal percentage as the interests of our boss.好别扭可否改成should equate to the value we produce
Secondly,
Quite the opposite?? on the contrary
at breast ??
bare…… bear
thirdly
In conclusion, As we had mentioned above. 重复了啊，
judge  ^^^d

Neither the payment could be change only by the name of each job.好怪啊

共同努力

jackallen0714UID: 2510951

All people have their own career in the world. It is common that all people play distinct but irreplaceable roles in the society .Thus we should not judge a person's value only by the quantity of one's payment. Just as casting doubt on the difference in payment among teachers, doctors, lawyers and business leaders.+^(J+fz!h:W

First of all. The four dispositions ？ are under extremely different background that may be supported either by personal or government, which means the power of charging on the salary could be either on the individual owner or officers of a department in government. In this case, Our pay,no matter whether you are a doctor or a teacher, even a political leader, should be in the equal percentage as the interests of our boss.这段最好来个主题句。我没弄太清楚这之间的逻辑关系，职业背景不同->不同的支持->同样的interests?

Second, We have no evidence to say that teacher should be pay the same as any of other jobs. Quite the opposite, Teachers in school may earn far more less than a doctor in a hospital because the educational finance are两谓语 actually can not be at breast to 这个这个……应该是keep abreast with吧 the total income of a hospital which are bound to bare more responsibilities and risks that should in turn be deserved more .
好长一句啊,有点argument的味道……可是逻辑性有点乱啊，翻译成中文就是教师挣得少因为教育资金无法和医院收入相比，医院收入承担更多风险和责任，故而应该得到更多？看出问题了吧

Third, The criteria in judging the payment of all different jobs is a complex system that has been estimated by every society in different times according to the need of the people, For example: a soldier may earn more money than a business man in wartime. Furthermore, There are other factors to estimate the payment for every jobs, such as the working time, the efficiency of each worker and the work’s location.etc.

In conclusion, As we had mentioned above. Every job is different and thus can not only be judge simply on the payment. Neither the payment could be change only by the name of each job.

楼主应该是考过G的，恩，TOEFL的独立作文应该对应issue，用argument的方法写不是很合适，另外句子太长没有必要，而且容易出错。

skha818UID: 2539652

我还正准备以复习G来顺带过T呢...看来还是有些不同的

greenpalmUID: 2391324

谢谢两位战友的批注！一起努力:)

d596086UID: 2522476

我很遗憾的说文章走题！
你的主题是Every job is different and thus can not only be judge simply on the payment
可是题目的关系信息没有包括在内！

而且写作文，题目信息是不可以驳斥的，你不能写成argument
GRE考试里把Issue写成Argument也是一大讳忌

此外很多单词句子有点问题，对修饰成分，复杂句把握有点混乱