【12月-1月IBT综合备考大帖】之【TWE作文】12.11号作业

闹闹喵UID: 2500331

It does make sense that there should be no discrimination in people’s occupations, and no injustice should involved in judging a person’s job. But in the decision that whether teachers should be paid as much as lawyers, doctors and business leaders, I should cut my ticket.

Firstly, I believe it takes much less effort to reach the level of teaching than that of saving a person’ life, defending a case, or running a enterprise. Everybody knows the competition in the bar is, no exaggeration, totally brutal. Thus the undergraduates must study really hard to prepare their future carrier. Their textbooks are so thick and heavy that you can merely use to accomplish a murder. And “Don’t you ever dare to dream about sleeping more than 4 hours a day during the examination month.”, said one of my friends who majors jurisprudence in USA. It is also a commonsense that studying medicine requires real talent and super durance, and rarely one can be an CEO just after a couple of years in the office.

On the other hand it is much easier to be a teacher. In my university lots of foreign teachers are simply ordinary travelers (no offence here! ). As long as you got something to talk, you could sort of become a teacher. I’m not talking about professors who serve in the university and have a comprehensive cognition and research about his subject. Teachers here somehow correspond much closer to the primary teachers, junior school teachers, and lecturers in the college.

Besides, comparing what they contribute to the world it’s easy to find the roots. Doctors save lives, the most precious things God has gifted to human. So I think there’s no need arguing why they get paid so high. Lawyers are, in some aspects, are also doing the job to save people’s lives. By defending a case they could prevent the defendant from being convicted undeservedly, which sometimes might be a dead penalty. But for teacher, their values are not so indispensable. There are always autodidacts that can be the evidence that you need not count on teachers but turn to the library, internet, videos and other varies of sources to learn. Talking about mentors who might give crucial advice about your life, they are usually not your teacher, but probably your boss, parents, friends, or just a stranger passes by. Thus I can’t see the essentiality of paying same amount of money to teachers. As for the business leaders, they run their own companies and pay themselves due to profits, none should have the right to judge their decisions.

Please don’t judge me as a racist. I don’t mean that teacher is useless and everyone can be one of them. But so as the above that I listed, declaring that teachers should be paid as much as lawyers, doctors and business leaders is somewhat absurd.

xiaojing1115UID: 2578357

It does make sense that there should be no discrimination in people’s occupations, and no injustice should involved in judging a person’s job. But in the decision that whether teachers should be paid as much as lawyers, doctors and business leaders, I should cut my ticket.

Firstly, I believe it takes much less effort to reach the level of teaching than that of saving a person’ life, defending a case, or running a enterprise. Everybody knows the competition in the bar is, no exaggeration, totally brutal. (这个插入语很好哦)Thus the undergraduates must study really hard（hardly） to prepare their future carrier. Their textbooks are so thick and heavy that you can merely use to accomplish a murder. And “Don’t you ever dare to dream about sleeping more than 4 hours a day during the examination month.”, said one of my friends who majors（major是不及物动词不能做谓语，可改成whose major is） jurisprudence in USA. It is also a commonsense that studying medicine requires real talent and super durance, and rarely one can（应该倒装can one 因为前面用了rarely） be an CEO just after a couple of years in the office.

On the other hand it is much easier to be a teacher. In my university lots of foreign teachers are simply ordinary travelers (no offence here! ). As long as you got something to talk, you could sort of become（becoming） a teacher. I’m not talking about professors who serve in the university and have a comprehensive cognition and research about his subject. Teachers here somehow correspond much closer to the primary teachers, junior school teachers, and lecturers in the college

Besides, comparing what they contribute to the world， it’s easy to find the roots. Doctors save lives, the most precious things God has gifted to human. So I think there’s no need arguing（ on ）why they get paid so high. Lawyers are（删除are）, in some aspects, are also doing the job to save people’s lives. By defending a case they could prevent the defendant from being convicted undeservedly, which sometimes might be a dead penalty. But for teacher, their values are not so indispensable. There are always autodidacts that can be the evidence that you need not count on teachers but turn to the library, internet, videos and other varies of sources to learn. Talking about mentors who might give crucial advice about your life, they are usually not your teacher, but probably your boss, parents, friends, or just a stranger passes by. Thus I can’t see the essentiality of paying same amount of money to teachers. As for the business leaders, they run their own companies and pay themselves due to profits, none should have the right to judge their decisions.

Please don’t judge me as a racist. I don’t mean that teacher is useless and everyone can be one of them. But so as the above that I listed, declaring that teachers should be paid as much as lawyers, doctors and business leaders is somewhat absurd.

语言句式变化多，很好，个别小错误注意一下

[ 本帖最后由 xiaojing1115 于 2008-12-11 22:04 编辑 ]

泡面UID: 2513568

It does make sense that there should be no discrimination in people’s occupations, and no injustice should (be) involved in judging a person’s job. But in the decision that whether teachers should be paid as much as lawyers, doctors and business leaders, I should cut my ticket.

Firstly , I believe (that) it takes much less effort to reach the level of teaching than that of saving a person’ life, defending a case, or running a (an) enterprise. Everybody knows the competition in the bar is, no exaggeration, totally brutal. Thus the undergraduates must study really hard to prepare their future carrier (career). Their textbooks are so thick and heavy that you can merely (almost) use to accomplish a murder. And “Don’t you ever dare to dream about sleeping more than 4 hours a day during the examination month.”, said one of my friends who majors jurisprudence in USA. It is also a commonsense that studying medicine requires real talent and super durance, and rarely one can be an (a) CEO just after a couple of years in the office.

On the other hand it is much easier to be a teacher. In my university lots of foreign teachers are simply ordinary travelers (no offence here! ). As long as you got something to talk, you could sort of (有点口语化吧？)become a teacher. I’m not talking about professors who serve in the university and have a comprehensive cognition and research about his subject. Teachers here somehow correspond much closer to the primary teachers, junior school teachers, and lecturers （lectures?讲座？什么意思） in the college.

Besides, comparing （with） what they contribute to the world it’s easy to find the roots. Doctors save lives, the most precious things God has gifted to human. So I think there’s no need arguing why they get paid so high. Lawyers are, in some aspects, are also doing the job to save people’s lives. By defending a case they could prevent the defendant from being convicted undeservedly, which sometimes might be a dead penalty. But for teacher, their values are not so indispensable. There are always autodidacts that can be the evidence that you need not count on teachers but turn to the library, internet, videos and other varies  of  (various) sources to learn. Talking about mentors who might give crucial advice about your life, they are usually not your teacher, but probably your boss, parents, friends, or just a stranger passes by. Thus I can’t see the essentiality (essence) of paying same amount of money to teachers. As for the business leaders, they run their own companies and pay themselves due to profits; none should have the right to judge their decisions.
Please don’t judge me as a racist. I don’t mean that teacher is useless and everyone can be one of them. But so as the above that I listed, declaring that teachers should be paid as much as lawyers, doctors and business leaders is somewhat absurd (这个词用的不太合适吧……).

1，理由很充分，讨论的也很到位
2.个别词我觉得用的有点莫名其妙的感觉……
3，思路很值得我借鉴，学学！嘿嘿

[ 本帖最后由 泡面 于 2008-12-11 23:00 编辑 ]

transformersUID: 2307599

从反面写的~~确实不错~~强烈关注lz作文~~每次都能从lz学到些东西~~

闹闹喵UID: 2500331

谢谢修改;d:   

lecturer是大学讲师的意思， 另外文章结尾用的那个absurd（荒谬）嘛，是为了强调付给教师和律师医生一样的报酬是多么的荒唐以至于我完全不同意

[ 本帖最后由 闹闹喵 于 2008-12-12 13:11 编辑 ]

nickey0809UID: 2349468

不错
很多启发

skha818UID: 2539652

越来越感觉到差距了...啊啊难道这就是高手

泡面UID: 2513568

哦，修改失误，lecturer没注意到后面的r……呵呵

d596086UID: 2522476

呵呵，文章写得很生动哇，个性张扬！

第一段写的不错，不过这个大转折似乎太锋利了点。最后一句点的很喜欢

第二段第三段有点问题，Firstly , I believe (that) it takes much less effort to reach the level of teaching than that of saving a person’ life, defending a case, or running a (an) enterprise. 是个非常好的主题句
可我以为这段会对2者比较展开，没想到是写成了独立的2段，那么这个主题句就有问题了！
第二段说成为其他职业付出很多，写得太多了....
第三段写的很生动，不过太口语化了，I’m not talking about 这句也很口语话
我觉得非要这么正反2面写，前面的那个大主题句可以拆开。
或者应该准确的说，应该写成：成为其他职业如医生，律师比教师更难，而不应该反过来说教师更容易，这样本段重心就不对了。
倒数第二段也太夸张了吧，每个都比较一下，把医生，律师，boss三个同时展开和一个教师比较，3：1比例严重失调！
文章题目是在2者之间的比较，可以把那3个职业归于一类，2边整体篇幅平衡！后面的as for 还写boss太多余了


最后一段很个性！呵呵，不过我认为考试时候写得低调一点吧，另外少加入个人观点，少用“I”

[ 本帖最后由 d596086 于 2008-12-12 14:57 编辑 ]