【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】12.18日作业

闹闹喵UID: 2500331

又超时，我不活了orz
希望大家能就我的内容和结构上多说说，我总觉得我想得太复杂了orz
With carefully planing and proper scheduels, people nowadays can accompolish multiple stuffs with high efficience. However, here I doubt the quatities of these accomplishment and insist that people're wasting too much time on things that are meaningless to themselves.

Nowadays, while information explosion keeps bombing and life's on a wheel rolling faster and faster, it's barely easy for people to contribute himself wholely to a single point. With inclination to material things and surprior survival, we are forced to stretch(??) ourselves into massive errands, to detect, to compare, to judge, to search what is the best for ourselves. This commission cost us too much time and energy that almost we hardly remember the initial attempts and wills. What's worth, having tremederous things to worry about at a same period can wear you out. You might complete the tasks seemly, however with a mind overload and distracted, it always shows infects in this way or another. "Well, you're just being demanding!". That's the complaint I regular received from my mates during the team works. Frankly speaking, the outcomes were so so, but far from fair. The truth is they immerce themselves into boundless stuffs like sport meets, student unions, volunteers, entertainments and etc. that they left little energy and patience to the study. Even with excellent scheduel I  don't believe one can spare time in such condition while it is already depleted.

To take a deeper look, it is often agreed yet absolutely isn't correct that in the modern society, the busier you are, the better you are. Such "better" includes making more money, getting promotion, being more popular and so on. Nowadays in Chinese universities, where there is a gathering, there will sure rise bombast about how engaged a student himself can be. Sure, doing lots of things and meet different people can offer you necessary information to future career, widen your horizon, and develop your social relation. And yet there is a division between being active and being reckless. The medium today tends to manufacture abundant so called "American Dreams" or other temptations which promise a golden future to mislead people. With a mind districted with these useless theories, it's hard to calm down and focus on one's pursuit. We work, we shop, we make financial investments, we suffur the internet, we attend various expeditions and parties, we read, we sleep. And yet none of these things can slow us down and complete them with concentration of 100 precent. Even lying on the bed we are still busy planing our lives, which makes insomani more and more common. 

I do cherish the old day when people can sit in front of the fire and do a whole day reading. The accelerating pace of life is exhuasting humanity, forcing us doing different things at a same time, which makes our accomplishment inferior from what it should be.  



   

[ 本帖最后由 闹闹喵 于 2008-12-18 22:23 编辑 ]

xlwxxyUID: 2568970

最后一段没有回答问题哦。
问题是是否同一时间做很多事情而不是对信息时代信息量多少的评价。

jackallen0714UID: 2510951

With carefully planing and proper scheduels, people nowadays can accompolish multiple stuffs with high efficience. However, here I doubt the quatities of these accomplishment and insist that people're wasting too much time on things that are meaningless to themselves.!d

Nowadays, while information explosion keeps bombing and life's on a wheel rolling faster and faster, it's barely easy for people to contribute himself wholely to a single point. With inclination to material things and surprior survival 个人没见过这种用法 better life？, we are forced to stretch(??) ourselves into massive errands, to detect, to compare, to judge, to search what is the best for ourselves. This commission cost us too much time and energy that almost we hardly这儿用倒装感觉更流畅 remember the initial attempts ->intention and wills. What's worth, having tremederous things to worry about at a same period can wear you out. You might complete the tasks seemly, however with a mind overload and distracted, it always shows infects in this way or another. "Well, you're just being demanding!". That's the complaint I regular received from my mates during the team works. Frankly speaking, the outcomes were so so可能太口语化了点，far from satisfactory, but far from fair. The truth is they immerce themselves into boundless ->endless stuffs like sport meets, student unions, volunteers, entertainments and etc. that they left little energy and patience to the study. Even with excellent scheduel I  don't believe one can spare time in such condition while it is already depleted.

To take a deeper look, it is often agreed yet absolutely isn't correct that in the modern society, the busier you are, the better you are. Such "better" includes making more money, getting promotion, being more popular and so on. 这儿转向了大学怎么怎么，个人觉得上一句没有讲完，这些 better 如何 agreed yet not correct 呢？Nowadays in Chinese universities, where there is a gathering, there will sure rise bombast about how engaged a student himself can be. Sure, doing lots of things and meet different people can offer you necessary information to future career, widen your horizon, and develop your social relation. And yet there is a division between being active and being reckless. The medium today tends to manufacture abundant so called "American Dreams" or other temptations which promise a golden future to mislead people. With a mind districted with these useless theories 哪些theory啊？, it's hard to calm down and focus on one's pursuit. 之后的例子和theory的关系没说太明白 We work, we shop, we make financial investments, we suffur the internet, we attend various expeditions ->communities and parties, we read, we sleep. And yet none of these things can slow us down and complete them with concentration of 100 precent. Even lying on the bed we are still busy planing our lives, which makes insomani more and more common.

V].Y
I do cherish the old day when people can sit in front of the fire and do a whole day reading. The accelerating pace of life is exhuasting humanity, forcing us doing different things at a same time, which makes our accomplishment inferior from what it should be.

小错误有点多
结构上没什么问题
只是有的观点可以进一步展开
这篇很难写，我都不知道题目具体要求写哪个方向的……

d596086UID: 2522476

Nowadays, while information explosion keeps bombing and life's on a wheel rolling faster and faster, it's barely easy for people to contribute himself wholely to a single point.

To take a deeper look, it is often agreed yet absolutely isn't correct that in the modern society, the busier you are, the better you are.

which makes our accomplishment inferior from what it should be.
这3句写得很好，挺喜欢的

语言有点晦涩，不要一味追求复杂和多样性，排比用的不错，但是过多的话显得累赘
你的BODY2段的主题句我都很喜欢，写的很好。可是后面展开的不清晰，读了好几遍才看懂。 而且有些内容已经说清楚了，不用再过多展开
第二段中你后面展开又提出了一些新的观点，虽然写的多，但是中心不统一
第三段论证我看得不是很明白，不好评价

此外，文章主体在说: 1. 人们因为忙，所以不能专注于一点 ，2.人们忙得多，不代表自己就更厉害
不过好像这和“忙会影响工作”的topic的联系阐述得不是特别清楚，应该点的明白一点

[ 本帖最后由 d596086 于 2008-12-19 12:41 编辑 ]

nickey0809UID: 2349468

insomnia
有一种版本的理解，不过很有深度啊，像写散文
这个题目出得太强了