【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】12.19日作业by达达

达达摩摩UID: 2499908

12.19日作业Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize（2007.7.21）
    With the rapidly development of economy , the remarkable improvement of people’s living standard. However , at the same time , It is common believed that in the modern society , it has become more and more complex. This is a complicated social phenomenon. How can we catch up with the complex? As my opinion , I think it is so important to young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

     Generally speaking, we have to planting good of our own and keep pace with the intricacy modern society . For example, Henry Ford, one of the greatest American industrialists, is regarded by many a father of the modern American automobile industry. When Ford started his own company, all of his partners insisted on building cars for the rich people. However, Ford believed that they should build cheap cars so that workers who made them could afford. Since he couldn’t persuade his partners, he bought out their shares in the company and moved along with his plan. This decision proved to be vital to Ford’s success and the prosperity of the American automobile industry. The result was the famous Model T. It became one of most successful automobiles of all time. In the whole process Ford planning his plans step by step all the time.

     Another special reason why I agree with the statement is we only arrange our plans ,we can adapt ourselives to the development of society .For instance, Sam Walton, creator of Wal-mart, the world’s largest retailing empire, grew up in a destitute family. By the 1960s, the American retailing industry was experiencing a revolution: discount retailing. Walton’s business acumen made him realize that this was where the business would go. He and his brother opened their own store, Wal-Mart Discount City. Not only normal person but also some of the famous persons , they are all have ability plan and organize .

     To sum up , we still suffer from heavier work pressure in the complex modern society and we also still have a long way to go . Therefore, we must planting good of our own and keep pace with the intricacy modern society.

谢谢大家 :loveliness:

[ 本帖最后由 达达摩摩 于 2008-12-19 22:01 编辑 ]

kturyUID: 2274868

个人认为题目中的  Modern society has become more complex需要在正文段因该稍微论证一下 尤其对副词more

yuanyuan@560806UID: 2513323

With the rapidly development of economy , the remarkable improvement of people’s living standard（少谓语）. However , at the same time , It is common believed that in the modern society , it has become more and more complex. This is a complicated social phenomenon. How can we catch up with the complex? As my opinion , I think it is so important to young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

F EvZTU
     Generally speaking, we have to planting good of our own and keep pace with the intricacy （pace of）modern society . For example, Henry Ford, one of the greatest American industrialists, is regarded by many a father of the modern American automobile industry. When Ford started his own company, all of his partners insisted on building（manufacturing） cars for the rich people. However, Ford believed that they should build cheap cars so (make their cars so cheap) that workers who made them could afford. Since he couldn’t persuade his partners, he bought out their shares in the company and moved along with his plan. This decision proved to be vital to Ford’s success and the prosperity of the American automobile industry. The result was the famous Model T. It became one of most successful automobiles of all time. In the whole process Ford planning his plans step by step all the time.

Another special reason why I agree with the statement is we only arrange our plans ,we can adapt ourselives to the development of society (逻辑？).For instance, Sam Walton, creator of Wal-mart, the world’s largest retailing empire, grew up in a destitute family. By the 1960s, the American retailing industry was experiencing a revolution: discount retailing. Walton’s business acumen made him realize that this was where the business would go. He and his brother opened their own store, Wal-Mart Discount City. Not only normal person but also some of the famous persons(Our avverage - even those celebrities need the ability to arrage ) , they are all have ability plan and organize .

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     To sum up , we still suffer from heavier work pressure in the complex modern society and we also still have a long way to go . Therefore, we must planting good of our own and keep pace with the intricacy modern society.jKb"z

例子纵横捭阖，很厉害。呵呵，继续加油！

达达摩摩UID: 2499908

看得史禹的讲义 背得大师的例子 我那些的出来 现在只有借花啊:( :(

hustly0415UID: 2407456

With the rapidly development of economy, the remarkable improvement of people’s living standard. However , at the same time , It is common believed that in the modern society , it has become more and more complex（估计这个应该是一个句子，所以，句号和however的大写，稍微注意一下，另外，是不是把第一个逗号改成 and，句子的连贯性要好些呢）. This is a complicated social phenomenon. How can we catch up with the complex（加society）？ As my opinion（in my opinion） , I think it is so important to（for） young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

Generally speaking, we have to planting good of our own and keep pace with the intricacy modern society. For example, Henry Ford, one of the greatest American industrialists, is regarded by many a father of the modern American automobile industry（什么什么之父，应该是直接father of 吧？）. When Ford started his own company, all of his partners insisted on building cars for the rich people. However, Ford believed that they should build cheap cars so that workers who made them could afford. Since he couldn’t persuade his partners, he bought out their shares in the company and moved along with his plan. This decision proved to be vital to Ford’s success and the prosperity of the American automobile industry. The result was the famous Model T. It became one of most successful automobiles of all time. In the whole process Ford planning his plans step by step all the time.

Another special reason why I agree with the statement is we only arrange our plans ,we can adapt ourselives（ourselves） to the development of society .For instance, Sam Walton, creator of Wal-mart, the world’s largest retailing empire, grew up in a destitute family. By the 1960s, the American retailing industry was experiencing a revolution: discount retailing. Walton’s business acumen made him realize that this was where the business would go. He and his brother opened their own store, Wal-Mart Discount City. Not only normal person but also some of the famous persons , they are all have ability plan and organize

To sum up , we still suffer from heavier work pressure in the complex modern society and we also still have a long way to go . Therefore, we must planting（plant） good of our own and keep pace with the intricacy modern society.


个人觉得，这篇文章最突出的特点就是例子举得很好，开头段很不错。不过，我想说的是，个人感觉，这篇文章的论证好像有点问题。你的两个分论点好像对题目的statement的支持不是很有力。个人觉得，这个statement的重点，是不是在ability of plan and organize上。而且文章当中对plan 和organize好像提得不多。

同时，个人觉得，你的例子，尤其是第二段的例子，对你的分论点是如何支持的，好像也没有怎么分析。对于这样一种做法，我持保留意见：在一段提出自己的分论点之后，直接for example。个人觉得最少应该解释或者说理个一两句比较好吧。

我的作文也很水的，所以感觉我说的可能不对。可以讨论下，呵呵，相互学习，共同进步。说得不对的地方，请见谅。

[ 本帖最后由 hustly0415 于 2008-12-20 17:13 编辑 ]